Why isn't it working?!

The AccuTemp Digital Control senses the current temperature and responds by cycling off and on. Like any other fan, this model will not change the temperature of the airflow.


Is this a Blag, or an instruction manual?


In some ways it's life. I like to think of my Blag as sort of an instruction manual for life. A while ago, we had "Don't Be That Guy" Week, and occasionally we'll watch people doing stupid things, or read some stupid quotes. Today's takes a little extra work, but the payoff is terrific.


So where did this come from?


I bought a fan.


Well you certainly have no fans of your Blag, you HAD to get one somehow.


More specifically, I bought a window fan. It has a temperature sensor to decide how to control the temperature. It's a cute little feature, and makes things a bit more environmentally conscious. It also opens the door to a darker side of life: The people who think that a fan is a substitute for an air conditioner.

Today's Sametime Status comes from a sticker on the fan itself. I removed the sticker because I am not a moron. I have to think of just how that sticker came to be, and why it is now placed on every fan the company makes. Obviously, they got phone calls. They got letters and some returns and possibly an angry email from dissatisfied customers who thought, for some unknown reason, that the fan they just purchased was actually an air conditioner, and would provide cold air rather than circulation.


That's probably what happened.


Exactly. It's a pretty sad state of affairs, but it's a part of life. So I propose a homework assignment for his weekend to The Most Intelligent Readership In The World: Call up the manufacturer of whatever fan you have in your home. Ask them why it doesn't change the temperature of the air, and see what kind of response you get. We can join the whimsical webcomic xkcd in making the world a weirder place:

The Final Frontier. Oh wait...wrong show.

Space. It seems to go on and on forever. But then you get to the end and a giant monkey starts throwing barrels at you.


That's the opening to the pilot episode of Futurama!


It sure is. Anyway, still getting settled from being out a few days, so there's no Blaggy goodness today. There are, however, 723 new emails to go through...so I'm going to go take care of that. See you all tomorrow!

Lawyers Continue To Suck

Lawyer Joke Week! How many Lawyers does it take to stop a speeding bus? Not enough.


HAHAHAHAAAA! It's funny because it's true.


Speaking of true, it's true that I actually caught a little flak for not mentioning hockey yesterday.


Well, it is kinda your thing.


So here we go. I'd like to take this opportunity to congratulate the Detroit Red Wings on their victory in the Stanley Cup Final.


Also, congratulations to the Pittsburgh Penguins for their run all the way to the finals, losing a hard-fought series, and coming within inches of another miraculous 3rd period come-back.


And now you owe us a Bonus Lawyer Joke.


Indeed. Here you go:

• Why does California have the most Lawyers, and New Jersey have the most toxic waste dumps?
  New Jersey got to pick first.

As a special note, "Jeremy Is In The Office" will be out of the office until next Thursday. More Blaggy goodness is sure to follow.

Lawyers Still Suck

Lawyer Joke Week! If you drop a Yankee Fan and a Lawyer off the Empire State Building at the same time, which one hits first? Who cares?


Well done! A crack on Lawyers and Yankee fans all at once.


Thank you. The original joke, as I heard it, was to drop a snake and a Lawyer off the Empire State Building. I improvised a little to suit my needs.


To great effect, I might add.


And here's your special Blag-Only Lawyer Joke Of The Day:

• A lawyer was driving his new BMW down the highway, singing to himself, "I love my BMW, I love my BMW." Focusing on his car, not his driving, he smashed into a tree. Miraculously, he survived, but his car was totaled. "My BMW! My BMW!" he sobbed.
  
  A good Samaritan drove by and cried out, "Sir, sir, you're bleeding! And my god, your left arm is gone!"
  
  The lawyer, horrified, screamed "My Rolex! My Rolex!"
  

Lawyers Suck

Lawyer Joke Week! What do you get when you have 100 lawyers in cement up to their necks? More Cement!


Uhm...not that you're wrong...but it's Wednesday. Isn't it a bit late to be starting a Theme Week?


Normally, yes, but recent circumstances have necessitated insulting lawyers this week. Therefore...Theme Half-Week-Or-So. It's just easier to call it "Lawyer Joke Week."


I see. So a Lawyer joke with each status message. Nice touch.


And a bonus Lawyer Joke in each Blag Entry to make up for lost time! It's two lawyer jokes in one!

• A man went to a brain store to get some brain to complete a study. He sees a sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offered at this particular brain store. He begins to question the butcher about the cost of these brains.
  
  "How much does it cost for Engineer brain?"
  "Three dollars an ounce."
  "How much does it cost for Programmer brain?"
  "Four dollars an ounce."
  "How much for Lawyer brain?"
  "$1,000 an ounce."
  "Why is lawyer brain so much more?"
  "Do you know how many lawyers we had to kill to get one ounce of brain?"

Stay of execution

I seem to have underestimated The Detroit Red Wings’ choking ability


So your prediction was wrong then?


Indeed it was. The Penguins managed to stay alive to play again in game 6 of the Stanley Cup final after a thrilling 4-3 Triple Overtime win last night. Or should I say this morning.


You're wide awake this morning, I'm sure.


Well, if I ever need a visual jolt, I can always a have a look at Sports Illustrated's Gallery of Don Cherry's Fashion Statements.


Today's blag seems familiar.


It's like coming home. Or being stuck at home with no way to get out. One or the other.

What am I going to do for the next 3 and a half months?

I’m calling it. The Stanley Cup Final ends tonight!


You're probably right. Detroit's back home tonight, right?


Right you are. Detroit takes a 3 games to 1 lead back home to the Joe Louis Arena, complete with octopod infestation, ready to seal the deal and win the Stanley Cup in front of the home crowd.


Won't the Penguins have anything to say about it?


Yes and no. The Penguins will probably want to win the game, but given their performance so far, particularly that of Evgeni Malkin, that will be completely insufficient to get the job done. Malkin's played like crap the whole series, totaling one point in the first 4 games of the final. The fact that Sidney Crosby doesn't play on the Penalty Kill limited him to a grand total of 6 minutes of ice time in the first period of Game 4. You can't win playoff hockey games when your two biggest stars (one of which is arguably the greatest player in the world right now) are either underperforming or logging serious minutes on the bench.


So what happens now? You'll be without hockey, and more importantly, without Don Cherry's Suits.


Only 18 days until the NHL Entry draft!