You Can Look It Up If You Want To

A national doughnut chain is closing 100 stores, and blaming Bird Flu  

It's a little sad that Jeremy has to take up your Friday with another grim message about the dangers of this terrible, terrible disease, but it has to be done.  We must remain vigilant and informed at all times.  

Indeed, it's a dark day for our nation's doughnut and coffee consumers, as well as for Bird Flu activists such as myself.  A large national doughnut chain who is not (so far) a sponsor of the Blag here, and therefore will not be named, announced a large restructuring operation which will involve the closure of 100 stores in the United States by the end of next year.  

The cause?  

Overexpansion into saturated markets.  Also, menu rot.  Also, wariness about upcoming minimum wage hikes.  

Buried far down in their list of excuses, conspicuously hidden from public view, an increase in commodity prices, especially the well-publicized increase in egg prices due to Avian Flu.  

So now, not only are we all doomed to die of Bird Flu, but many more of us won't even be able to enjoy a last doughnut before we go.  This is remarkably upsetting.