Now I Want Chicken

In a bit of revisionist history, Cap’n Crunch teamed up with one of his sailors, Popeye, to make a chicken-flavored breakfast cereal.  It was terrible

Well, at least this time, Revisionist History is about fictional characters, so we won't get sued.  I still can't condone this.

The loyal readers have a right to know.  

They have a right to no further nonsense, is what I think you mean.

So anyway...everyone knows Horatio Magellan "Cap'n" Crunch, of breakfast cereal fame.  Everyone also knows the lovable Popeye the Sailor Man, who later went on to start his own chain of Fried Chicken Restaurants.  Did you know that Popeye was one of the crew of the S.S Guppy led by the Good Cap'n?  Well, these two astute sailors worked together for a number of years spreading their love of fine cuisine all over the world.  Not to be outdone by the cook of the ship "Hispanola" who's name escapes me at the moment, who had long since opened his own chain of fried chicken/fish/hush puppies restaurants, Popeye and Cap'n Crunch worked together on a number of culinary projects.  

Part of this expansion into the epicurean realm, Quaker Oats, the company already mass-producing the Good Cap'n's breakfast cereal commissioned Popeye to be the mascot for their own product, as seen in This Commercial From 1990.  While sales of Quaker Oatmeal weren't hurt by the nautical endorsement, it wasn't a boon for sales as Quaker was hoping for.  They decided to discontinue using Popeye as merely an advertisement, and to actively create a new breakfast product themed around the already successful Cap'n (who's product is also produced by Quaker).  The combination of Horatio Crunch's cereal expertise and Popeye's chicken talents resulted in "Popeye's Poultry Puffs," a crunchy corn-based ball cereal similar to Kix, but with the taste of chicken.  Really, it was mostly salt-flavored, like Ramen noodles, but was also available in honey barbecue.  

The only problem is that they were awful.  Unfortunately for Popeye (and his friendship with Horatio), the cereal tested miserably with the focus groups and never made it to the shelves.  Quaker offered Horatio Crunch a new long-term breakfast contract and a promotion to Admiral on the condition that he sever his working relationship with Popeye.  This resulted in a heated physical altercation between the Cap'n and the Sailor Man in which Popeye's right eye was permanently damaged (you can still see him squinting in every picture), and the two were never seen together again. 

Horatio Crunch was subsequently demoted back to Cap'n, given command of the Guppy again and sailed off into breakfast fame.  Popeye joined the long list of military-based chicken success stories (General Tso, Colonel Sanders, that guy from the Hispanola, etc.) by settling in Louisiana and devoting his life to his new restaurant.  The rest, as they say...is history.