Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Betrayal!


Success at the Driving Range does not equal Success on the course


Before continuing, it's important to filly understand that Jeremy is a lousy golfer.  Forget what he's ever told you about shooting par and whatnot...he stinks.  


Not long ago, I bought a new golf club...specifically, a Callaway driver.  It wasn't long before that when I received a new Jack Nicklaus Golf Bag to hold all my clubs.  The theory is as follows.  Aside from the people who I'm golfing with, the only time on the course people will actually see me hit the ball is off the first tee (And the 10th, if we're playing 18, but the theory remains the same).  So, in order to create the illusion that I'm a good golfer, all I need to do is impress people at this time.  Therefore, if I stroll up to the first tee with my Jack Nicklaus golf bag, pull out my Callaway driver, and pound the first ball of the day 250 yards down the fairway, the people near the clubhouse will see this and assume I'm nothing but a high roller.  After that, I disappear around the first bend, never to be seen by these people again, and the illusion is complete.  I can then proceed to suck it up for the rest of the round and only 3 people are the wiser. 

All I needed to do was procure this new driver and learn how to drive the ball 250 yards down the fairway...no problem, right?  There are places to do this.  So, I took my new gear out to the driving range a handful of times since then, with mixed, though mosty positive, results.  The new club hits the ball a long, long way...and sometimes it even goes straight.  I'm well aware that the limiting factor here is the operator, but that's why I practiced.  Having achieved this reasonable level of success, I decided it was time to put my new plan into action, so I hit the links.  (Apparently, "Links" is a very specific type of golf course, but I don't know how to distinguish them, so I'm just going to use that word)

The results were not good.  I think I actually achieved my goal of a relatively decent drive on the first tee, but that was the last time I hit the ball anything that even resembles "well" with the new driver.  Having sliced many a ball at the range, I proceeded to hook every hard-hit ball to the left, topped a couple straight into the turf, and hit one that stayed about 2 feet off the ground for its entire short flight.  The left hook that one of these shots had was darned impressive, actually.  Like something out of a cartoon, the ball launched off the tee, then seemingly hit the brakes and immediately turned 90 degrees to the left and found its way into the trees.  It was an impressive, but not especially useful shot. 

Bottom line...the scenery is complete, but I need a little more practice before my illusion of grandeur can work out.  

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