Theme Week, Part Partridge (Tree Sold Separately)

Tips For The Holidays Week!  Walk slowly when stringing lights on a tree, lest you will get dizzy and fall over

 Happy Holidays from Jeremy Is In The Office!  This week, we present a variety of helpful tips for surviving and maybe even enjoying the upcoming holiday season.  

First of all, I'd like to get this out of the way.  Despite Rick Perry's nonsensical war on non-religion, I like saying "Happy Holidays" around this time of year not because it's more inclusive of religions, but because it's inclusive of more holidays.  There's more going on around this time than Christmas, so instead of only hoping people enjoy a merry Christmas, they should enjoy New Years, and Kwanzaa, and Chanukah, and Saturnalia, and the Winter Solstice, and whatever the heck else they want.  Have at it, everybody!  Celebrate it all.  According to the Mayans, we only have about one year left, so grab all the gusto you can.   So don't get all offended if I say "Happy Holidays"...especially if you're one of the people at work who I won't see until at least 2 of these holidays have passed. 

Now, on to the festivities! 

One of the most iconic symbols of the Christmas season is the Christmas Tree.  They're bright and festive, the real ones smell like Pine Sol, the fake ones smell like the attic, and they all drop enough needles and junk in your living room to last the whole year.  Seriously...I found a pine cone off of mine in August this year.  

They're also ridiculous.

Based on a pagan ritual, Christmas trees are pointy, had to get just right, messy, and great for exercising the family pet.  Because of all these factors, they can be a source of stress around an otherwise joyous season.  So, one helpful tip to help yourself along is to go slowly when stringing up the lights.  If you're like me, you've never in your life seen a tree and said, "That thing has too many lights."  My current tree has 700 lights.  That's over 90 lights per foot of tree, and that doesn't even factor in that there's no tree in the first foot off the ground.  Needless to say, you can just about see this thing from the moon, and I'm okay with this.  The problem that is caused by this "More Power" lighting system is the need to walk around the tree many many times in order to string up this ludicrous quantity of lights.  It's akin to putting your head on the end of a baseball bat and spinning around.  You get dizzy...and should you go too quickly, you could very well trip over a poorly-placed piano or box or bookshelf or all of the above and fall over.  Gravity hurts sometimes, so go ahead and take my advice.  Pace yourself...Christmas comes but once a year, so you should have plenty of time.