Kill Something New, Grog

Who was the first caveman to say, “Is that pelt from last season?”  

I believe that would be Grog.  He was from the West Side Caves.  Number 221, if I'm not mistaken. 

What the crap are you talking about?  

Anyway...I should preface things here.  I know next to nothing about fashion.  The things that I do know, I learned from watching "The Devil Wears Prada," which I pretty much hated the very concept of despite the film starring Anne Hathaway.  Over 90% of the clothing I own has come from one store, and I purchased none of if because I saw it on a Hollywood celebrity or in a magazine which tells me what I need to wear.  I think the concept of fashion as a constantly changing paradigm is nonsensical drivel handed to us by the only people who stand to profit from the concept of fashion being a constantly changing paradigm.  It's akin to Hallmark telling me what holidays I should send people cards for.  They might be just a little biased.  

That said, I recently watched a video on the internets about the three types of shoes I need to have in my wardrobe.  

It was presented by a guy wearing a cravat, so right off the bat, I'm skeptical about the veracity of the video, but I was curious about just how far behind the times I am on my footwear choices.  The video showed several styles of shoes, none of which looked even remotely comfortable, with cravat-boy explaining why each one of them is perfect for whatever you choose to wear, up to and including a tuxedo.  It was almost entirely worthless information, with the possible exception of amusing me with the number of times the words "chukka boots" were said.  If that were a drinking game, I would no longer be here to write this Blag for you.  

The true highlight of the video for me came when cravat-boy was asked about shoes with flat toes, as opposed to the entire store's collection of pointed-toe shoes.  The response was a sour look and a simple and nearly disgusted, "we've moved past that."  It reminded me of the only time in my life I grew to hate somebody because of fashion.  During a discussion about clothing (which I was most assuredly NOT a part of), this person asked in an entirely sincere and derisive manner, "Oh...isn't that from LAST season?"  If somebody ever needed to be slapped for asking a question, I think that was it.  It should be pointed out here that I did not slap this person.  

So this type of nonsense had to have started at some point, where we look down at people who wear clothes more than 6 months old because they're out of style.  Sure, there are larger trends that come and go over time (I'm looking at you, 1980's), but the simple and undeniable fact is that fashion, due entirely to the multi-billion-dollar fashion industry is now a fast-moving death cycle which you can only keep up with if you devote your life and career to keeping up with it.  I do not, and thus, I am an object of derision by people with internet videos wearing cravats.  When did this garbage start?  I choose to believe that a caveman was wearing an animal skin from deer season when zebras were in style.  What was Grog thinking?  

One Of These Rants Will Work

Wow!  The 2016 elections came sooner than I thought…oh wait…

Yeah...just on the off chance you thought we were done with all of the anger and rhetoric and vitriol...you're just so not. 

So, yesterday was election day.  Congratulations to everyone who won their race and to those who did not win, I hope you can bridge your ideological gaps with those who are now in office so you can all work together and bring in the best ideas regardless of the creator's position on the political spectrum to make sound policy decisions for your constituents.  

Thus endeth Jeremy's Political Fantasy.   

All we have now is to look forward to the next election, and I really with I was making this up...The Two After That.  Yes, a sitting senator is planning out the 2020 election.  Holy crap.  

 

Instead, we'll get lots and lots of partisan bickering through the media.  We'll get loads of name calling and hatred spewed all over everyone in office.  We'll get plenty of nonsensical pictures and politicized anecdotes on our social media, complete with missing facts and rhetorical fallacies.  The people waving flags and angry political signs will still be standing out on that street corner near my house every Saturday.  We'll get campaign mailings and commercials and radio appearances, each one spouting all sorts of reasons to hate the other person campaigning, with nary a single reason to vote FOR anyone. 

And everyone will wonder why we hate our politicians so much.   

Door Meander Doesn't Sound As Good

If I have to bust your door at 1:00 PM to get into your sale, you’re doing something wrong  

I usually end up sleeping through all the doorbuster sales anyway.  It's better for me.  

That's very true when you're talking about Black Friday, which is coming up if you haven't heard...

But in this particular case, I got an email from a large chain clothing store announcing a one-day only "Doorbuster" sale...which was yesterday.  I got the email at 1:00 in the afternoon.  

Now, it is entirely true that I have purchased nearly every piece of clothing I own from this store, and I doubt I've ever paid full price for anything I bought there.  But that doesn't mean that I need to drop whatever it is I'm doing to go bust down their door for a sale.  Unless they're literally giving away anything I might want and/or need for free.  I may need new pants for work soon, but that's beside the point entirely.  

I was also under the impression that a so-called "Doorbuster" sale is so named because people will be attempting to bust the door of the store prior to the store's actual opening time in order to be the first one in to reap the savings.  At that point, I would have to wonder how appropriate it would be to name a sale a "Doorbuster" sale when it starts at 1PM...or at the very least, your customers are notified of it at 1PM.  At that hour of the day, I would expect to be able to walk right in the store without any door getting in my way that would need busting.  

I'm also reasonably sure that if I did bust their door (regardless of what time I did so), they would end up making me pay for it, thus negating any savings I would have gained from shopping at the sale.