Seriously...No

Ilya...I was joking.


AAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAA! That was a good one.


Yeah, not that kind of joke. You also don't usually like my jokes anyway.


I like staying employed, so I throw you a bone now and again.


So anyway, not long ago, as part of the Ilya Kovalchuk sweeps, now also known as "The Klusterchuk," I mentioned how Ilya should have extended that squeekball player's prime-time free-agency decision show to 2 hours, to announce his signing as well.

Somebody Took That Ball And Ran With It.

So to whomever is in charge of that Canadian "national outlet," I say punch yourself in the face.

I'm an awesome negotiator

It only took two weeks for the cable company to realize I mean business.


Either that, or they're pinheads.


Definitely one or the other.


So tell us your story about beating The Man.


So, the cable company that provides service to my area is a well-known company that, for strictly Blag purposes, we'll call "CordSight." I've had feuds with their customer service people before, because they tend to do roughly nothing right. They've fouled up my bill for 3 consecutive months, screwed up my cable install, the phone didn't work for the first three days, they added the wrong channels, deleted other channels and still charged me for them, and still haven't figured out that I'm a hockey fan and order the Center Ice NHL package every single year.

In fact, Not Long Ago, I had a rant about the top 3 companies that are On Notice for me (A Catch phrase I coined long before Colbert, but I don't have any evidence to back it up), and for some reason, forgot to include "CordSight". Terrible oversight on my part...they're #3 on the list, pushing "Greek Difference Airlines" down to #4. It's a long, uphill road before anyone can catch up to UPS in terms of incompetence, though.

Anyway...so "CordSight" offers new customers a special price if you have their TV, Internet, and Phone services, which is cheaper than just having TV and Internet (which are the only ones I care about). The catch is that the special price only lasts one year, at which point, they jack up the cost. So after I had their package deal for a year, they said they'd raise the rates, so I asked them to cancel the phone so I could save money. They offered to extend the introductory price for another year...which was awfully nice of them...and life went on. Another year goes by, and they tell me again that the rates will go up, so I again ask for the introductory price, threatening to cancel the phone part. They tell me that they can't extend the price, and that my costs will shoot up starting with my next bill. I say OK, and have them transfer me to somebody else to disconnect the phone. The entire process of shutting off the phone service took a minute and a half, entirely done with one phone call.

A mere two weeks later, I get a call from "CordSight" saying that if I'm willing to try out their phone service, they'll give me a special "introductory" price for one year. Yes...this is the very same phone service I just had disconnected, and the very same introductory price they said they couldn't give me.

Here's the kicker:

In order to activate my "new" phone service, (All hardware for which never moved) they have to send a technician out to my house to install the modem. I'm not getting a new modem. I'm not getting new cables, a new phone, a new ANYTHING. The phone service is already installed. The only thing that ever changed was clicking one button on their side of things. Stands to reason that the only thing needed is to unclick that button and I'm back in the introductory price phone game. Instead, they're paying somebody to come to my house on a Saturday to install nothing and give me my "welcome" package...the same welcome package I got the day I got all this crap installed in the first place. Anyone else still wondering why their cable TV prices keep going up?

This is embarassing

Somebody may now explain to me why I know what "GTL" stands for.


Because you're entertained by morons and insipid wastes of space, time, and cable bandwidth masquerading as TV shows?


While the former may be entirely true for short periods at a time, the latter is most certainly not true.


Watching Jerry Springer is a guilty pleasure of yours.


I guess that's a point as well...but it's different. Anyway, the "GTL" thing was used to describe some of the folks playing at a recent volleyball tournament. It was not used in a complimentary sense.


So since the Blag here is for Edutaining purposes, why don't you tell us what it means.


So apparently, if you're a moron with no life and an extremely overdeveloped sense of self, your daily routine (instead of going to a job or making some other actual contribution to society) involves going to the gym, going to a tanning salon, and going to the laundromat. Gym, Tan, Laundry. That's a full day, right there.

In Soviet Russia, Contract Signs YOU!

Now that nonsense is over, we can focus on where Ilya Kovalchuk is going to sign.


It's down to only a handful of teams...what's the holdup?


So apparently, both the NBA and the NHL have their divas this year. The NHL's version is high-scoring Russian winger Ilya Kovalchuk, an unrestricted free agent formerly of the Atlanta Thrashers and New Jersey Devils. Both players decided to drag their contract negotiations out publicly, and while apparently one of them has made their decision (I quite honestly don't know or care what it was), Kovalchuk remains unsigned.

Options include, and please keep in mind this is based entirely on ugly public negotiations and rumour-monger websites, re-signing in New Jersey (Remember Ilya: Nothing good has EVER happened because of New Jersey), one of two New York teams, the Kontinental Hockey League in Russia, and Los Angeles.


Who so few options?


Because the NHL actually has a salary cap, and Ilya thinks he's worth more money than the best players in the world. So he and his agent are playing each team and league against each other in order to squeeze an extra million dollars out. Of course, each team is doing the same thing...pretending to walk away from negotiations to try to sign him for a million dollars less. It's really quite messy, and precisely the kind of thing that shouldn't be dragged out in public. Just negotiate, and sign the silly thing...let me know when you've decided.

Of course, if you're such a self-important egomaniac that you think you need your own TV show to declare to the world your intentions...punch yourself in the face.

It's Global Warming!!!

Yes, it's 100 degrees again. No, I don't miss winter.


But think of the children!


Wait, what?


Yeah, I don't know...was just going for a bit there.


So anyway, you may have heard that there's a bit of a heatwave going on in the Northeast US this week. It's obviously due to global warming, or else El Nino...Possibly some combination of both.

Anyway...yes, it's hot. I have fans and an air conditioner and whatnot running, and I end up sweaty and such if I go outside...but guess what...that happens. One of the perks of living in the Northeast is that you experience all 4 seasons. Sometimes Fall and Spring get bypassed a bit, but you get the idea. One of the downfalls of living in the Northeast is that you have people whining about all 4 seasons non-stop. Observe:

• Summer - "Oh, it's so hot! I can't believe how hot it is. Don't you miss Winter? I'd like to live somewhere that's not so hot."
  
• Fall - "Oh, it sucks having to rake up all these leaves! It's too much work. Don't you miss Spring, where the leaves are all on the trees? I'd like to live somewhere where the leaves don't fall."
  
• Winter - "Oh, it's friggin cold! I hate having to shovel all this snow. Don't you miss Summer? I'd like to live somewhere where it's warm all year." (By the way...this is me.)
  
• Spring - "Oh, it's rainy! I hate looking at all these sticks before they grow leaves. Don't you miss Fall when all the colors are out and it's pretty? I'd like to live somewhere where it doesn't rain so much."

Basically, you can't win. Somebody will be whiney and annoying, and you can't do a thing about it. It's very much like the weather and Bird Flu in that regard...it's just going to happen so suck up and deal.

Newton and Murphy got together

For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.


Like when you miss a day of Blagging, and people complain to you?


Yeah...much like that. To all those people, I give a hearty "T.S.!" You get some of those mondays cleverly disguised as Tuesdays, particularly after a holiday weekend, and things get a little crazy. Truth be told, I still haven't caught up...but that's beside the point entirely. Today, I have come to entertain you.


Well, go ahead...start entertaining.


Uhhm....well...yeah. Here I go.


Hopefully something interesting will happen in the world today that you can talk about tomorrow.


Here's hoping!

Friday!!

Virtual Friday! WOOOOO!


The Blag is so late today, it practically IS Friday.


So today's Sametime Status is to inform everyone that tomorrow and monday are site holidays at work here, so I don't have to be in. As such, Jeremy Is In The Office will be Out Of The Office starting tomorrow and returning on Tuesday, July 6. Have a safe and explosive 4th of July, everyone!