I've never understood how "reversing" a Figure-Four Leg Lock works
It's really quite simple. Wrestling is fake, so whatever you believe is happening really is.
Well, that much is clear, but most things in pro wrestling are at least grounded in reality. If you punch a guy in the face, it hurts...so when a wrestler pretends to punch a guy in the face, and the other guy pretends it hurts, you believe it. Likewise, when a 7-foot tall guy picks you up and throws you onto the floor, it's not out of the realm of possibility that you'd feel that as well...so selling a body slam is pretty easy.
When it comes to finishing moves, most are likewise believable. The Undertaker uses a move called "The Tombstone" where he drops his opponent on their head. Yeah...I can see how that could knock a guy out for three seconds. The late (very recently late as a matter of fact) Macho Man Randy Savage would jump off the top rope, be about 10 feet in the air and drop an elbow on his opponents' throat. Yes, it's pretty easy to see that allowing a pin. Also in the genre of finishers are famous submission holds, like the "Million Dollar Dream" chokehold, which....you know...chokes. Also, the Camel Clutch and the Boston Crab (True story, I originally typed Boston Crap while writing this) are variations of the same move, just on different parts of the body...but it involves pulling an opponent's back into an uncomfortable position. Then there's the Figure Four Leg Lock, as applied IN THIS VIDEO by Ric Flair on the aforementioned Undertaker.
The idea here is that you're using your own legs to apply downward pressure on your opponents knee and ankle, using the opponent's own knee for leverage. Certainly understandable how this could become unbearably painful. On various occasions throughout wrestling history, various wrestlers have been able to escape the Figure Four by reversal. Reversing the Figure Four is apparently fairly easy. As you can see from the video, the victim is laying on his back at the time the hold is applied. To reverse the hold, all you have to do is roll yourself over onto your stomach. This causes "the pressure to be reversed" and now the wrestler who originally applied the hold will be in great pain and unable to escape the hold.
This makes no sense.
The hyper extension of one knee is still in place, and the other leg is still crossed over with pressure being applied to both sides. Since the original knee is the fulcrum simply inverting the entire system does absolutely nothing to the applied forces.
Consider if you will a pencil and a hockey puck standing on edge. If you put the pencil on top of the puck and apply a downward force on both ends of the pencil, it will break in half. If you then get a new pencil and glue the puck to the ceiling, position the pencil on the bottom of the puck and apply an upward force (inverting the entire system), guess what? The pencil still breaks, and your fingers will be fine. The fact that this seems to work entirely opposite this in wrestling is baffling to me. I am forced to Call Bunk on Pro Wrestling...and this makes me a little sad. Oh well.
Jeremy Is In The Office will be Out Of The Office tomorrow in celebration of Memorial Day. Jeremy's apparently a huge slacker and will be taking next Tuesday off as well. Jerk. We'll be back on Wednesday, June 1 with more Sametimey Goodness.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Doesn't everybody?
When I think "Summer," I think "Washing Machine"
Well, you do tend to go through laundry a little faster in the summer...what with the whole not wearing shorts to work thing.
That's entirely beside the point. Recently, a series of commercials has started to play over the radio about some store's upcoming Memorial Day sale. It's moronic. It says something about how you should kick off your summer right by saving 10% on appliances. How is that kicking off summer? Unless that appliance is a grill, I don't see how buying a new refrigerator is a sign of summer any more than slapping idiots who write bad commercials is a sign of Winter. I'd like to do that in any season...especially this one.
Well, you do tend to go through laundry a little faster in the summer...what with the whole not wearing shorts to work thing.
That's entirely beside the point. Recently, a series of commercials has started to play over the radio about some store's upcoming Memorial Day sale. It's moronic. It says something about how you should kick off your summer right by saving 10% on appliances. How is that kicking off summer? Unless that appliance is a grill, I don't see how buying a new refrigerator is a sign of summer any more than slapping idiots who write bad commercials is a sign of Winter. I'd like to do that in any season...especially this one.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
It is if it talks to you
My gym bag is not a passenger
It does bear a striking resemblance to Wesley Snipes.
While that may be true...wait, what?
Never mind...
So anyway...today's Sametime Status, we can attribute to my car. It has one of those lights that flashes to annoy you into putting your seat belt on. Specifically, it has 2 lights, one for the driver, and a separate one for the front passenger. While in principle, I have no issue with this, it on occasion becomes a nuisance.
See, the light for the passenger doesn't come on when nobody's sitting in the seat. It also doesn't come on when the passenger is wearing their seat belt. The only time it's on (and flashing...this is important) is when there is somebody seated in the passenger seat without putting on the seat belt. How the car determines there's somebody sitting there remains a bit of a mystery, but it seems to be very subjective. I know this because sometimes I'll put random crap in the passenger seat (other than a passenger) which ostensibly does not require a seat belt. Things like my laptop bag, my gym bag, or a case of refreshing beverages on their way to a party. More often than not, these objects are viewed by the car as a passenger, prompting the car to inform me that my gym bag is not wearing its seat belt.
This is obnoxious.
The little red light sits there right in my peripheral vision blinking merrily away while I'm trying to drive. People talk about how something like yapping on the phone or eating a taco is just as distracting while driving as being drunk...well how about this stupid light flashing at me? It drives me batty.
You could always just put the gym bag in the trunk.
That hardly seems sporting, now does it?
It does bear a striking resemblance to Wesley Snipes.
While that may be true...wait, what?
Never mind...
So anyway...today's Sametime Status, we can attribute to my car. It has one of those lights that flashes to annoy you into putting your seat belt on. Specifically, it has 2 lights, one for the driver, and a separate one for the front passenger. While in principle, I have no issue with this, it on occasion becomes a nuisance.
See, the light for the passenger doesn't come on when nobody's sitting in the seat. It also doesn't come on when the passenger is wearing their seat belt. The only time it's on (and flashing...this is important) is when there is somebody seated in the passenger seat without putting on the seat belt. How the car determines there's somebody sitting there remains a bit of a mystery, but it seems to be very subjective. I know this because sometimes I'll put random crap in the passenger seat (other than a passenger) which ostensibly does not require a seat belt. Things like my laptop bag, my gym bag, or a case of refreshing beverages on their way to a party. More often than not, these objects are viewed by the car as a passenger, prompting the car to inform me that my gym bag is not wearing its seat belt.
This is obnoxious.
The little red light sits there right in my peripheral vision blinking merrily away while I'm trying to drive. People talk about how something like yapping on the phone or eating a taco is just as distracting while driving as being drunk...well how about this stupid light flashing at me? It drives me batty.
You could always just put the gym bag in the trunk.
That hardly seems sporting, now does it?
Monday, May 23, 2011
Like a bad Kirk Cameron movie
Yep. I got left behind, too
...Like an underprivileged kid at a public school.
That's a little harsh, don't you think? Last weekend's Rapture prediction was very important to some people. Public schools are a bit of a touchy subject for many others.
Anyway...so this past Saturday was the day that Harold Camping decided would be the beginning of the Apocalypse based on some remarkably stretchy assumptions and some bizarre math just to make the date look about right.
It also marked the end of an entire week of bad R.E.M. and Blondie jokes.
To the surprise of roughly nobody, Mr. Camping's prediction didn't come to fruition...though I have some theories.
Why couldn't Sarah Palin be Raptured?
Some things, the world just wasn't meant to know.
Anyway...so the prediction was that about 3% of the world's population was going to be "saved" which amounts to roughly 200 million people. That's a lot, and while many agree that there was no Rapture, I would argue that most people in the world wouldn't notice if 3% of the people that they knew disappeared. At least for a week or so.
Furthering that, if most or all of the people that were Raptured were in specific pockets that most others didn't pay much attention to, it stands to reason that it could happen right under our noses. Take for example, the tale of the Lost Colony of Roanoke. Years after the entire population of the Colony had vanished, John White finally realized it. Can we honestly say that some remote colony of people has vanished over the weekend simply because we can't think of anyone who's disappeared?
Another important point to consider...
Your use of the word "Important" is troubling...
...is the argument over what is considered sinful enough to justify being Left Behind. I submit to you, that it's possible that the use of electricity is a sin and that everybody with access to electricity, computers, TV's, Internets, and radios had been judged guilty, and people like Mennonites and those in third-world countries were the ones to be Saved...but the rest of us who rely on the electronic media to tell us these things wouldn't even be aware.
Regardless of the Why, I was left behind...doomed to endure 5 months of fire and scorpions, which sucks. But, I did join the Facebook group "Post-Rapture Looting" (I'm not making that up) so there's that. Also, my neighbors do have tents set up in the back yard like they're camping out, and I have no idea what that's about. So, the signs are there...maybe this is the end of the world after all. We'll see in October, I guess.
...Like an underprivileged kid at a public school.
That's a little harsh, don't you think? Last weekend's Rapture prediction was very important to some people. Public schools are a bit of a touchy subject for many others.
Anyway...so this past Saturday was the day that Harold Camping decided would be the beginning of the Apocalypse based on some remarkably stretchy assumptions and some bizarre math just to make the date look about right.
It also marked the end of an entire week of bad R.E.M. and Blondie jokes.
To the surprise of roughly nobody, Mr. Camping's prediction didn't come to fruition...though I have some theories.
Why couldn't Sarah Palin be Raptured?
Some things, the world just wasn't meant to know.
Anyway...so the prediction was that about 3% of the world's population was going to be "saved" which amounts to roughly 200 million people. That's a lot, and while many agree that there was no Rapture, I would argue that most people in the world wouldn't notice if 3% of the people that they knew disappeared. At least for a week or so.
Furthering that, if most or all of the people that were Raptured were in specific pockets that most others didn't pay much attention to, it stands to reason that it could happen right under our noses. Take for example, the tale of the Lost Colony of Roanoke. Years after the entire population of the Colony had vanished, John White finally realized it. Can we honestly say that some remote colony of people has vanished over the weekend simply because we can't think of anyone who's disappeared?
Another important point to consider...
Your use of the word "Important" is troubling...
...is the argument over what is considered sinful enough to justify being Left Behind. I submit to you, that it's possible that the use of electricity is a sin and that everybody with access to electricity, computers, TV's, Internets, and radios had been judged guilty, and people like Mennonites and those in third-world countries were the ones to be Saved...but the rest of us who rely on the electronic media to tell us these things wouldn't even be aware.
Regardless of the Why, I was left behind...doomed to endure 5 months of fire and scorpions, which sucks. But, I did join the Facebook group "Post-Rapture Looting" (I'm not making that up) so there's that. Also, my neighbors do have tents set up in the back yard like they're camping out, and I have no idea what that's about. So, the signs are there...maybe this is the end of the world after all. We'll see in October, I guess.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
I may die.
I actually cooked something that I saw on Epic Meal Time.
Cool. Can I have your stuff?
Well...probably not. I'm still alive for the time being, and for the record, I didn't make anything as far over the top as they do...I just made a segment of it.
Anyway...for those unawares, Not Long Ago, I introduced everyone to a series of online videos from a group called Epic Meal Time who make stunningly horrifying culinary creations, and supposedly eat them. Most of these abominations would cause an acute case of death in anyone who comes within 5 feet of them, so I'm not sure how they pull this off.
Anyway, on one of the videos, they make breakfast. Making breakfast is one of my specialties, and they made something that looked really interesting. They created a cream cheese bacon french toast dumpling. You fry up some bacon, crumble it up, and dump it on top of some cream cheese spread on a piece of bread. Then you cover that with a second piece of bread, pinch the sides to stick them together, dip it in a beaten egg and toss it on the griddle like french toast. This seemed way too delicious to pass up.
And?
Well...it wasn't quite as stellar as I had made it up to be in my head. It was quite tasty, but not something I'll ever need to do again. I'm moving on to bacon tacos!
Cool. Can I have your stuff?
Well...probably not. I'm still alive for the time being, and for the record, I didn't make anything as far over the top as they do...I just made a segment of it.
Anyway...for those unawares, Not Long Ago, I introduced everyone to a series of online videos from a group called Epic Meal Time who make stunningly horrifying culinary creations, and supposedly eat them. Most of these abominations would cause an acute case of death in anyone who comes within 5 feet of them, so I'm not sure how they pull this off.
Anyway, on one of the videos, they make breakfast. Making breakfast is one of my specialties, and they made something that looked really interesting. They created a cream cheese bacon french toast dumpling. You fry up some bacon, crumble it up, and dump it on top of some cream cheese spread on a piece of bread. Then you cover that with a second piece of bread, pinch the sides to stick them together, dip it in a beaten egg and toss it on the griddle like french toast. This seemed way too delicious to pass up.
And?
Well...it wasn't quite as stellar as I had made it up to be in my head. It was quite tasty, but not something I'll ever need to do again. I'm moving on to bacon tacos!
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
...or give me gambling tips...
"The greatest proof that time travel isn't possible is that no future selves have yelled at me to stop messing the heck up" - T-Rex
Oh, that nutty T-Rex. Always getting into mischief.
Indeed. Today's Sametime Status comes to your courtesy of T-Rex, the lovable scamp of a character in the whimsical webcomic Dinosaur Comics. In an episode from last week, T-Rex examines lying about watching a TV show.
Oh, that nutty T-Rex. Always getting into mischief.
Indeed. Today's Sametime Status comes to your courtesy of T-Rex, the lovable scamp of a character in the whimsical webcomic Dinosaur Comics. In an episode from last week, T-Rex examines lying about watching a TV show.
Monday, May 16, 2011
This is my vote
Pick Nora! Pick Nora!! Pick Nora!!!
I'm going to say "Pick Robin" just to mess with you.
So tonight is the big season finale of 2 of the 3 TV shows I actually watch, Chuck and How I Met Your Mother. Today's Sametime Status deals with the latter.
As you may or may not know, Neil Patrick Harris's character in HIMYM (Barney Stinson) is one of the greatest TV characters ever. He is, in fact, LEGENDARY! So anyway, one of the main facets of Barney is that he is a consummate ladies' man and bounces from one conquest to the next with hilarious frequency. As the show has progressed, Barney's character has grown a little bit, and managed to carry on a somewhat stable relationship with Robin, another of the show's main characters.
This was crap.
While the two characters are outwardly similar, throwing them together into this story arc proved to be deflating to the show and pretty much killed the entire season that it happened, finally being rescued by the episode "The Playbook." In fact, I think I put a review of that episode on this Blag somewhere, but I can't be bothered to look it up. Later on (just a few weeks ago, in fact), Barney met Nora, one of Robin's friends, and seemed to hit it off very well with her, even getting Nora interested in a Laser Tag tournament. Things didn't go very far with them once Nora learned of Barney's typical intentions, and Barney was going through some stuff of his own at the time, so she was out of the picture. Tonight's season finale episode has a couple things in store.
First, the return of Nora. Second, a little personal bonding between Barney and Robin over Ted's latest fiasco (This is actually good, because for most of this season, Robin has been largely a throw-away character). Finally, it involves a wedding set about 1 year into the future, in which Ted is the best man. Who's getting married has remained a mystery for a while, but there is rampant speculation as to who it is. Barney and Robin? Barney and Nora? Robin and a Player to be named later? Punchy? As today's Sametime Status indicates, my vote is for Barney and Nora. We'll see how I did.
This part added later, since Jeremy got bored during lunch and found the video.
HERE'S MY EVIDENCE. How can anyone think he's into Robin after watching that? It's Barney and Nora!!
I'm going to say "Pick Robin" just to mess with you.
So tonight is the big season finale of 2 of the 3 TV shows I actually watch, Chuck and How I Met Your Mother. Today's Sametime Status deals with the latter.
As you may or may not know, Neil Patrick Harris's character in HIMYM (Barney Stinson) is one of the greatest TV characters ever. He is, in fact, LEGENDARY! So anyway, one of the main facets of Barney is that he is a consummate ladies' man and bounces from one conquest to the next with hilarious frequency. As the show has progressed, Barney's character has grown a little bit, and managed to carry on a somewhat stable relationship with Robin, another of the show's main characters.
This was crap.
While the two characters are outwardly similar, throwing them together into this story arc proved to be deflating to the show and pretty much killed the entire season that it happened, finally being rescued by the episode "The Playbook." In fact, I think I put a review of that episode on this Blag somewhere, but I can't be bothered to look it up. Later on (just a few weeks ago, in fact), Barney met Nora, one of Robin's friends, and seemed to hit it off very well with her, even getting Nora interested in a Laser Tag tournament. Things didn't go very far with them once Nora learned of Barney's typical intentions, and Barney was going through some stuff of his own at the time, so she was out of the picture. Tonight's season finale episode has a couple things in store.
First, the return of Nora. Second, a little personal bonding between Barney and Robin over Ted's latest fiasco (This is actually good, because for most of this season, Robin has been largely a throw-away character). Finally, it involves a wedding set about 1 year into the future, in which Ted is the best man. Who's getting married has remained a mystery for a while, but there is rampant speculation as to who it is. Barney and Robin? Barney and Nora? Robin and a Player to be named later? Punchy? As today's Sametime Status indicates, my vote is for Barney and Nora. We'll see how I did.
This part added later, since Jeremy got bored during lunch and found the video.
HERE'S MY EVIDENCE. How can anyone think he's into Robin after watching that? It's Barney and Nora!!
Friday, May 13, 2011
He he he
I can't be the only one amused by the word "friggatriskaidekaphobia"
You probably can if up until now, you're the only person who's ever heard of the word friggatriskaidekaphobia. What the frig does that mean?
Well, obviously, it's the irrational fear of Friday the 13th. That's today, by the way. It's also "Blame Someone Else Day" which is celebrated on the first Friday the 13th of the year.
And as a special bonus for all you loyal readers...since it's Friday, I thought I'd share this with you. There's a new conspiracy theory going around the Internets that the famous Rebecca Black song "Friday" is really about the JFK assassination.
HERE'S THE PROOF!
Have a good weekend, everybody!
You probably can if up until now, you're the only person who's ever heard of the word friggatriskaidekaphobia. What the frig does that mean?
Well, obviously, it's the irrational fear of Friday the 13th. That's today, by the way. It's also "Blame Someone Else Day" which is celebrated on the first Friday the 13th of the year.
And as a special bonus for all you loyal readers...since it's Friday, I thought I'd share this with you. There's a new conspiracy theory going around the Internets that the famous Rebecca Black song "Friday" is really about the JFK assassination.
HERE'S THE PROOF!
Have a good weekend, everybody!
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Almost...
That was close. I was almost an idiot this morning
I don't even know where to begin. Almost? This Morning?
Strictly speaking, there was a moment this morning when I thought I had done something remarkably stupid.
As opposed to every other moment where you only do things with a standard amount of stupidity?
Like many places of business, the building I work in requires you to wear an ID badge at all time, and it also serves as a key to get you in the door. You're not allowed to be in the building without a badge, so if you forget it, you have to go 2 buildings over to the security office and get a temp badge-esque sticker to wear. It's akin to having a scarlet letter stuck to your shirt that marks you as a dummy who forgot their badge. Also, it doesn't open any doors, so you have to stand there like a dope waiting for somebody to let you in to any door with a badge lock. It's really quite embarrassing, and tends to serve as its own deterrent to forgetting your badge.
Because of all this, I have a safe and secure location in which I store my badge when I'm not at work, so that I'll have it with me at pretty much all times. Occasionally, I'll forget to put it away, and leave it on its lanyard around my neck when I go home. Its at these times that I make special arrangements so that there is no possibility that I'll leave it at home. I'll do something like tie the lanyard to my keys or wrap it around my wallet, so that I'll be guaranteed to at least have it in my hands when I'm getting ready to leave in the morning.
Such was the case last night...left the badge on when I got in the house, so I did the usual wrap it around my wallet thing. It worked like a charm, as in the morning, I picked it up and thought, "Oh yeah...my badge is here. Better not forget it." It's at this point in my story that my hands get cluttered. I was holding two water bottles, a gym bag, a laptop bag, my cell phone, my keys, my wallet, and my ID badge...and needed to get all of it to the car. The next time I had a thought (since it's been well established that my brain doesn't function properly early in the morning), I was in the car halfway to the gym and I thought, "now what did I do with my badge?" I quickly scanned all of my pockets and the normal secured location to no avail. I had pretty much decided that I put the badge down in order to put the phone, wallet, and keys into pockets and promptly left it at home. This would make me an idiot.
As it turns out, I actually put it in the trunk with the laptop bag, so all was well, and I got to preserve my dignity.
Which you promptly ruined when you made this your Sametime Status. Way to go, dummy.
I don't even know where to begin. Almost? This Morning?
Strictly speaking, there was a moment this morning when I thought I had done something remarkably stupid.
As opposed to every other moment where you only do things with a standard amount of stupidity?
Like many places of business, the building I work in requires you to wear an ID badge at all time, and it also serves as a key to get you in the door. You're not allowed to be in the building without a badge, so if you forget it, you have to go 2 buildings over to the security office and get a temp badge-esque sticker to wear. It's akin to having a scarlet letter stuck to your shirt that marks you as a dummy who forgot their badge. Also, it doesn't open any doors, so you have to stand there like a dope waiting for somebody to let you in to any door with a badge lock. It's really quite embarrassing, and tends to serve as its own deterrent to forgetting your badge.
Because of all this, I have a safe and secure location in which I store my badge when I'm not at work, so that I'll have it with me at pretty much all times. Occasionally, I'll forget to put it away, and leave it on its lanyard around my neck when I go home. Its at these times that I make special arrangements so that there is no possibility that I'll leave it at home. I'll do something like tie the lanyard to my keys or wrap it around my wallet, so that I'll be guaranteed to at least have it in my hands when I'm getting ready to leave in the morning.
Such was the case last night...left the badge on when I got in the house, so I did the usual wrap it around my wallet thing. It worked like a charm, as in the morning, I picked it up and thought, "Oh yeah...my badge is here. Better not forget it." It's at this point in my story that my hands get cluttered. I was holding two water bottles, a gym bag, a laptop bag, my cell phone, my keys, my wallet, and my ID badge...and needed to get all of it to the car. The next time I had a thought (since it's been well established that my brain doesn't function properly early in the morning), I was in the car halfway to the gym and I thought, "now what did I do with my badge?" I quickly scanned all of my pockets and the normal secured location to no avail. I had pretty much decided that I put the badge down in order to put the phone, wallet, and keys into pockets and promptly left it at home. This would make me an idiot.
As it turns out, I actually put it in the trunk with the laptop bag, so all was well, and I got to preserve my dignity.
Which you promptly ruined when you made this your Sametime Status. Way to go, dummy.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
27 Moving Violations and Counting
Seems strangely fitting that I would get cut off in traffic by a Yankees fan
Everyone always regrets this, but you do pay me to ask...so, what could these two things possibly have in common, Jeremy?
It's the same false sense of entitlement that goes along with both baseball and driving like a chump.
See, Yankee fans believe it's their manifest destiny to win the World Series every year. Why? Because the Yankees are in New York, and people expect them to win. This is an actual quote that gets repeated far more often than is required to be nauseating. I guess people in every other city where there's a baseball team expect their local team to do their best and go out for ice cream at the end of the season.
Also, the Yankees have won more World Series than any other baseball team. A majority of this goes back to the days when there was even more disparity in baseball than there is now, and the owner of the Yankees actually owned two teams and used one as a major league farm system for the other, pulling of a horrific series of one-sided trades to further the Yankees' cause. This seems worthwhile. The fact that the Yankees have won the most World Series' leads bandwagon followers all over the country to proclaim themselves to be "fans" of the team. They're not. If you were not born or raised in the New York Metropolitan area, you have no reason to be a fan of the Yankees. At least partially because they're no longer a team. Since the mid 90's, the Yankees have been nothing but a group of highly paid free-agent mercenaries with no ties to the organization whatsoever.
Anyway...so this jerk cuts me off in traffic this morning. He felt that it was his right and destiny to be in the left lane regardless of the fact that there was already a car where he wanted to go. As I hit the brakes to keep my front fender intact, I flipped him off and saw that he had a Yankees bumper sticker on his car. That explained everything, and instead, I just began to feel sorry for him.
Everyone always regrets this, but you do pay me to ask...so, what could these two things possibly have in common, Jeremy?
It's the same false sense of entitlement that goes along with both baseball and driving like a chump.
See, Yankee fans believe it's their manifest destiny to win the World Series every year. Why? Because the Yankees are in New York, and people expect them to win. This is an actual quote that gets repeated far more often than is required to be nauseating. I guess people in every other city where there's a baseball team expect their local team to do their best and go out for ice cream at the end of the season.
Also, the Yankees have won more World Series than any other baseball team. A majority of this goes back to the days when there was even more disparity in baseball than there is now, and the owner of the Yankees actually owned two teams and used one as a major league farm system for the other, pulling of a horrific series of one-sided trades to further the Yankees' cause. This seems worthwhile. The fact that the Yankees have won the most World Series' leads bandwagon followers all over the country to proclaim themselves to be "fans" of the team. They're not. If you were not born or raised in the New York Metropolitan area, you have no reason to be a fan of the Yankees. At least partially because they're no longer a team. Since the mid 90's, the Yankees have been nothing but a group of highly paid free-agent mercenaries with no ties to the organization whatsoever.
Anyway...so this jerk cuts me off in traffic this morning. He felt that it was his right and destiny to be in the left lane regardless of the fact that there was already a car where he wanted to go. As I hit the brakes to keep my front fender intact, I flipped him off and saw that he had a Yankees bumper sticker on his car. That explained everything, and instead, I just began to feel sorry for him.
Friday, May 6, 2011
This is how they get you
Jeremy 1: "The Man" 0
Way to stick it to The Man, Jeremy! I trust you did something courageous and wholly memorable.
I fixed my weed whacker!
So much for trust.
We can go ahead and add "Small Engine Repair" to my vast and growing list of skillz. But this one feels a little more substantial. Here's why.
Most weed whackers that you buy at a large, faceless automatonic corporate home improvement store are pretty cheap. This is great for the consumer, but not so much for the manufacturer, since they don't make a whole lot of money selling them. So what they do is they make them basically disposable by using cheap components and having no features on them designed to make them useful over the long haul. The idea is that once they start to degrade, you either take it to a "certified" repair shop or just give up and buy a new one long before you should have needed to. I was nearly at this point not long ago.
Toward the end of last summer, and into this spring, to put it delicately, my string trimmer started running like hot garbage. It would stall out when it was supposed to idle, the motor didn't run very fast at full throttle, and I'd often have to wait 10 seconds or more for the string to spin up fast enough to actually cut through grass. This is pathetic, not to mention a little embarrassing, since people would undoubtedly see me standing out in the yard waiting for my trimmer to wind up. I tried all the usual stuff...I changed the fuel filter, put new gas in the thing, cleaned up the spark chamber and the carburetor, all to no avail. Since I have plans for the trimmer beyond just trimming (I also have attachments for edging and light tilling), I thought I would need to buy a new identical trimmer, until I learned through the magic of the Internets that there are two screws on the motor to adjust the carburetor's fuel mixture, and that simply turning these would solve all of my problems.
Of course, since the fine folks at the String Trimmer company don't want me to know this, or be able to do this myself, they use a specialized tamper-proof type of screw that you can't turn with a screwdriver, and also recess them inside an aluminum casing so you can't turn them with a pair of pliers or socket wrench. Jerks. Since they're tamper-proof screws, and I wanted to tamper with them, I had to buy a specialized tool online. Well, it arrived yesterday, and within 10 minutes, I had my trimmer working as good as new.
Take that, String Trimmer company! Some other guy gets $3 for a tool, and you get nothing, since I don't have to buy a new trimmer!
Way to stick it to The Man, Jeremy! I trust you did something courageous and wholly memorable.
I fixed my weed whacker!
So much for trust.
We can go ahead and add "Small Engine Repair" to my vast and growing list of skillz. But this one feels a little more substantial. Here's why.
Most weed whackers that you buy at a large, faceless automatonic corporate home improvement store are pretty cheap. This is great for the consumer, but not so much for the manufacturer, since they don't make a whole lot of money selling them. So what they do is they make them basically disposable by using cheap components and having no features on them designed to make them useful over the long haul. The idea is that once they start to degrade, you either take it to a "certified" repair shop or just give up and buy a new one long before you should have needed to. I was nearly at this point not long ago.
Toward the end of last summer, and into this spring, to put it delicately, my string trimmer started running like hot garbage. It would stall out when it was supposed to idle, the motor didn't run very fast at full throttle, and I'd often have to wait 10 seconds or more for the string to spin up fast enough to actually cut through grass. This is pathetic, not to mention a little embarrassing, since people would undoubtedly see me standing out in the yard waiting for my trimmer to wind up. I tried all the usual stuff...I changed the fuel filter, put new gas in the thing, cleaned up the spark chamber and the carburetor, all to no avail. Since I have plans for the trimmer beyond just trimming (I also have attachments for edging and light tilling), I thought I would need to buy a new identical trimmer, until I learned through the magic of the Internets that there are two screws on the motor to adjust the carburetor's fuel mixture, and that simply turning these would solve all of my problems.
Of course, since the fine folks at the String Trimmer company don't want me to know this, or be able to do this myself, they use a specialized tamper-proof type of screw that you can't turn with a screwdriver, and also recess them inside an aluminum casing so you can't turn them with a pair of pliers or socket wrench. Jerks. Since they're tamper-proof screws, and I wanted to tamper with them, I had to buy a specialized tool online. Well, it arrived yesterday, and within 10 minutes, I had my trimmer working as good as new.
Take that, String Trimmer company! Some other guy gets $3 for a tool, and you get nothing, since I don't have to buy a new trimmer!
Thursday, May 5, 2011
But they make so much sense
Isn't it about time for another of those half-baked schemes to lower gas prices?
Social networking certainly has its disadvantages.
Indeed. Right around the time that gas prices start getting into the $3.50/gallon range, the internets start erupting with various people forwarding me emails and posting crap on their Facebook pages inciting a form of passive protest against the high gas prices. They involve stunningly easy methods of boycotts in order to "bring the oil companies to their knees." Every last one of them includes that phrase, by the way. None of them involve any sort of change on the consumer's part, of course, and none of them...you know...work.
So, let's see...there's the "Boycott Gas Station X and only buy gas from Gas Station Y" which will in turn cause Station X to lose business and drop their prices to gain the customers back. This half-baked scheme seems to forget the fact that gasoline is a commodity and is the same no matter where you get it. So if everyone goes to Station Y, their supply will run out, and they'll just buy their gas from Station X.
There's the "Only buy $10 of gas at a time" bit wherein the gas stations will be left with a glut of gas and not need to purchase more, forcing supply to shoot up and prices to come down. It should seem obvious (but doesn't for some odd reason) that this will cause everyone to buy gas about 5x as often, increasing the number of cars at the gas station, leaving the demand exactly where it is.
You can always go with the ubiquitous "Let's petition the President to do something" approach with often involves some form of online petition that you click to sign. A minimum of effort, to be certain, but also a minimum of effect. The numbers don't change. The tax on gas will be the same amount whether it's $2 a gallon or $4. There's simply not a lot any president can do to influence gas prices.
There's also my personal favorite. The classic "Don't buy gas this Friday" which will cause a multi-million dollar profit loss for all of the oil companies and force them to lower prices. Again, stunningly easy, but also stunningly easy to see through. Most people tend to not buy gas every single day. Those who would normally buy gas on a given Friday don't have their gas needs go away...so even if they boycott on Friday, they'll still buy their gas on Saturday, along with the normal Saturday crowd. So while demand would go down on Friday, it would increase for Saturday, and we return to the norm within 24 hours.
I could go on a speech here about how hair-brained schemes like this never work and will never work, so stop spouting on about them in my email...but there's a problem. I haven't gotten any. I'm confused. People aren't smart enough to realize that these things are pointless, are they? Why has the deluge of this moronic crap stopped? Or am I just getting a little ahead of myself, and National Gas-Out Day 2011 is coming next week?
Social networking certainly has its disadvantages.
Indeed. Right around the time that gas prices start getting into the $3.50/gallon range, the internets start erupting with various people forwarding me emails and posting crap on their Facebook pages inciting a form of passive protest against the high gas prices. They involve stunningly easy methods of boycotts in order to "bring the oil companies to their knees." Every last one of them includes that phrase, by the way. None of them involve any sort of change on the consumer's part, of course, and none of them...you know...work.
So, let's see...there's the "Boycott Gas Station X and only buy gas from Gas Station Y" which will in turn cause Station X to lose business and drop their prices to gain the customers back. This half-baked scheme seems to forget the fact that gasoline is a commodity and is the same no matter where you get it. So if everyone goes to Station Y, their supply will run out, and they'll just buy their gas from Station X.
There's the "Only buy $10 of gas at a time" bit wherein the gas stations will be left with a glut of gas and not need to purchase more, forcing supply to shoot up and prices to come down. It should seem obvious (but doesn't for some odd reason) that this will cause everyone to buy gas about 5x as often, increasing the number of cars at the gas station, leaving the demand exactly where it is.
You can always go with the ubiquitous "Let's petition the President to do something" approach with often involves some form of online petition that you click to sign. A minimum of effort, to be certain, but also a minimum of effect. The numbers don't change. The tax on gas will be the same amount whether it's $2 a gallon or $4. There's simply not a lot any president can do to influence gas prices.
There's also my personal favorite. The classic "Don't buy gas this Friday" which will cause a multi-million dollar profit loss for all of the oil companies and force them to lower prices. Again, stunningly easy, but also stunningly easy to see through. Most people tend to not buy gas every single day. Those who would normally buy gas on a given Friday don't have their gas needs go away...so even if they boycott on Friday, they'll still buy their gas on Saturday, along with the normal Saturday crowd. So while demand would go down on Friday, it would increase for Saturday, and we return to the norm within 24 hours.
I could go on a speech here about how hair-brained schemes like this never work and will never work, so stop spouting on about them in my email...but there's a problem. I haven't gotten any. I'm confused. People aren't smart enough to realize that these things are pointless, are they? Why has the deluge of this moronic crap stopped? Or am I just getting a little ahead of myself, and National Gas-Out Day 2011 is coming next week?
Monday, May 2, 2011
I rule!
I shot Par!
Yeah, that Tiger Woods game for the Wii can get pretty easy when you get the hang of it.
Uhmm...no. I'm talking specifically about the round of golf I played yesterday. I shot Par!
In that case, you're leaving out some very important details.
I don't know what you're talking about. I shot Par!
On one hole.
An added detail that the loyal readers aren't especially concerned about.
How about that 6 you threw up on that one Par-3 hole?
Irrelevant.
And how many snowmen did you end up with? Double-bogeys?
All entirely beside the point. I shot Par.
On the 18th hole, when by some miracle, you strung together two of your best shots of the day and ended up with the only GIR of the round. Your final score over all 18 holes was somewhere north of 100.
While that's all true...it really diverges from the main point of today's Sametime Status.
That being?
I shot Par!
Yeah, that Tiger Woods game for the Wii can get pretty easy when you get the hang of it.
Uhmm...no. I'm talking specifically about the round of golf I played yesterday. I shot Par!
In that case, you're leaving out some very important details.
I don't know what you're talking about. I shot Par!
On one hole.
An added detail that the loyal readers aren't especially concerned about.
How about that 6 you threw up on that one Par-3 hole?
Irrelevant.
And how many snowmen did you end up with? Double-bogeys?
All entirely beside the point. I shot Par.
On the 18th hole, when by some miracle, you strung together two of your best shots of the day and ended up with the only GIR of the round. Your final score over all 18 holes was somewhere north of 100.
While that's all true...it really diverges from the main point of today's Sametime Status.
That being?
I shot Par!
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