Theme Week Part Dasher and Dancer

Jeremy's Sametime Status Proudly Presents: Jeremy's Non-Shopping List! Item #1: Movies


It's officially the Holiday Season! Time to set up the tree, string up the lights, get plowed on egg nog, empty a chemical toilet into a storm sewer, and listen to Every Washed-Up Has-Been Come Out With A Christmas CD. Of course, it's also time to go completely bat crap over what gifts you're going to buy everyone on your list. Here at Jeremy Is In The Office, we strive to make things easier for you, the gift-giving public. It's also a wonderful chance to suck up for good swag.


One of the biggest complaints I get from my adoring fanbase...


Both of them...


...is that I tend to buy myself all the stuff I need and/or want. This leaves little wiggle room for generous donors, and the constant questions of, "Gee....does he have one of these yet?" To alleviate these concerns, this week will be chock full of stuff I will NOT be shopping for this upcoming holiday season.

First on the list: Movies.


27 Dresses, here we come!


Specifically, good movies. A lot of them came out this summer, and I've talked at length about several of them. Those will all be coming out On DVD before Christmas in an attempt to get you to spend your hard-earned gift-giving money on them. Let it work! In order to avoid any confusion, I will NOT be buying myself any movies between now and Dec 25th.

Happy Slapsgiving, Everybody!

Less Yappin, more Slappin!


So, you obviously watched the Slapsgiving Day II episode of How I Met Your Mother last night. Seems fitting to celebrate the holiday.


What better way to spend the holidays than slapping people? Seems like a good idea to me!

Anyway...sorry for the short Blag post today, but it's my last day before heading out for Thanksgiving. Happy Turkey Day, everybody and safe travels!


Jeremy Is In The Office will be out of the office starting tomorrow and returning monday, 11/30 with more blaggy goodness, and we're told a fun and exciting Theme Week! See you next week, everyone!

Thanks to you, too!

I'm Thankful for Sametime!


Happy Thanksgiving to you, too! If you're going to be posting a list of stuff you're thankful for, might I suggest a Theme Week?


I thought about that...but since it's going to be a short week (Will only have Sametime Status updates monday and Tuesday this week) I decided not to have a 2-day Theme Week.

To make up for that, I'll be running a Theme Week next week after everyone gets back from vacation and recovers from the turkey hangover. It's going to be a fun and informative community service...of sorts.


Ooo! What is it? Will there be prizes?


We'll all find out together next week. And there may be prizes...for me.


Your Theme Weeks get worse and worse. Remember that time you had people wad up paper and throw it at each other, and called it a prize?


Everybody loved Virtual Snowball Fight!

6 or 7, Depending

How many wolves are in your Wolfpack?


Oh man...since they're not actually "wolves" you're turning this into a rhetorical question and making another friggin' Rhetorical Friday, aren't you?


Actually hadn't thought of that. This weekend is the world debut of our new volleyball team called "Wolfpack". It's a reference to The Hangover.


Uhm...okay. Forget I mentioned it.


Happy Rhetorical Friday, everyone!


Dammit!

That was a horrible song

I find it ironic that everything I bought at Target yesterday was blue


It's not ironic, it's just coincidental!


It could be both. Target is known for the color red. Their logo is red, the bulk of the inside of their stores are red, the floors are red...and the only things they sold yesterday that were worth buying were blue.


Did you feel sad about buying that stuff? Is that why it was blue?


It wasn't all that exciting, I'll grant you that. Nothing worth being sad over. Maybe next time I'm in a store, I'll look for shiny things.

Frustration is apparently fun

I never thought Slinky was all that wonderful


I'm pretty sure the "It's fun, it's a wonderful toy" lyrics were more along the lines of "Makes a great gift." It's a tag line to get you excited about the thing



Certainly the case, but it's a poor choice of words. You look at a Slinky, and there's not all that much to wonder about it. It's a metal spring. Sure, it can walk down the stairs alone or in pairs...but you don't really wonder how it does it. It's simple physics. You can also use a Slinky to illustrates some of the more complex laws of wave physics...but again, there's not a lot of wonderment going on. It's science!

You may actually spend more time wondering why the stupid thing DOESN'T go down the stairs the way it does in the commercials. I swear, those people have some really narrow stairs or something. The more accurate lyric in the song is when they say it's a marvelous thing. You truly do marvel at how quickly people can fly off the handle when the slinky doesn't work.


Are you going to go play with your Slinky now?


Probably.

You can see stuff up close

Free Scanning Electron Micrograph images! Cool!


Wow...that's usually a pretty expensive and time consuming thing. Who's providing this service?


Free SEM's are coming to you courtesy of the fine folks at Aspex Corporation who are inviting everyone to send them your stuff so they can look at it under an ultra-powerful desktop SEM. People have sent in moldy sandwiches, cheese, plywood...all sorts of fun things to look at under a microscope. And why? Because they can!

What would YOU like to see under a SEM?

It would be Awesome-Awesome

Ruben Boumtje-Boumtje should change his name to Boutros-Boutros


Aside from the obvious...why would he do that?


There really is no other reason. I would just love to hear some sportscaster announce the name "Boutros-Boutros Boumtje-Boumtje". It would be amazing.


Too bad he's already graduated to the pro ranks.


Very true...if he were still playing in the NCAA tournament, I think it would be nothing short of amazing to hear Dick Vitale (who normally I find to be a ridiculously obnoxious gasbag) scream out "Boutros-Boutros Boumtje-Boumtje Baby!!!" Picture that in your head and tell me if you don't laugh.

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!

Happy Paraskevidekatriaphobia Day, everybody!


Okay, so I checked the website you use to find all these goofy little obscure holidays, and this one isn't on it. What gives?


Well, Paraskevidekatriaphobia as everyone knows, is the fear of Friday the 13th. So even though it may not be a recognized holiday, it's actually strangely relevant today. I thought I'd just give a shout out to all my Paraskevidekatriaphobic friends out there.


Very thoughtful of you. Happy weekend, everybody!

I don't need this in the morning

What’s the word for being better at the gym than somebody?


"In Better Shape"?


Nah...that's not quite what I'm going for here. You can have people who are in pretty good shape who absolutely suck at the gym. Conversely, some of the most out of shape people are the ones who are the best at gymming. What I'm really trying to say here is...gym people suck.


Wow...actually didn't see a rant coming here. Twist ending Blag!


I'd specifically like to call out "that guy" who goes to the same gym I do. I have no idea who he is, what he does, or if he's even a good guy. All I know is, he sucks at the gym, and I totally kick his butt at it. Near as I can tell, the main part of his workout at the gym is sitting in the locker room telling people what he's going to do for his workout...in bizarrely descriptive detail. He'll sit there and say, "Yeah...I'm gonna go run 6 miles" or "I'm going to go do 100 situps now...yeah...100 situps." to whoever he thinks is paying attention.

I'm not going to sit here and doubt his ability to run 6 miles or do 100 situps, or claim that I'm better than him at these things or in better shape than he is. I can't run 6 miles...I'll be perfectly honest about that. I can do 100 situps, but there are things I find more important at the gym. What I am going to doubt is if he ever does any of these things. I've never seen it. I've never seen this guy do anything more than walking at a mildly brisk pace on a treadmill. No situps, no weights, no machines, no running, no cycling, no elliptical thing...just treadmill walking.

I'm totally better than that.

Read this

Should a news anchor actually have to say "Listen to this"?


It does seem a little repetitively redundant.


News programs suck.

You're already watching the news, which means you're listening to things that the anchor is saying...so why does the anchor feel obligated to emphasize a point by prefacing it with "Listen to this"? It's moronic.


So are most news anchors.


One of our pastimes at work is to watch the news program at lunch and make fun of the anchor for saying stupid things or make fun of the stories being told on the news for pretending that they're news. The fact that some musician put out a new video the day before they go into therapy is not news...I don't really care about it. The lady who won a million dollars and a hug from a mascot clown at a burger chain is not news.

Not long ago, the anchor decided to interrupt a sentence with "listen to this" in order to emphasize an ironic point in the story. It actually didn't make the story newsworthy...so it became a Sametime Status.

It's about time

"Daddy's home." - B. Stinson


All of the Legendary quotes from Barney and this is the one you pick?


Well this one seemed the most appropriate today. After a season-and-a-half long story arc involving Barney and Robin dating, that nonsense is finally over and we can go back to the Barney we know and love. I just hope the rest of the show/writing hasn't degenerated enough that it can't recover from this disastrous plot line.


Dorsal fin circling?


You know...the phrase "Jump The Shark" gets thrown out very quickly on TV shows now when somebody doesn't like something that happens. In hindsight, whether or not that turns into the true Jump The Shark moment or not really remains to be seen. The example, of course, being Happy Days in which everybody who ever watched the show points to Fonzie jumping the shark (literally) being the exact point at which the show started going downhill. One failed story arc does not a Jump The Shark moment make...and I'm willing to give How I Met Your Mother a chance to redeem itself (There are two slaps left, after all). However, if the show is never quite able to recover, I will be the first in line to point to "Sandcastles In The Sand" as the moment the show started to tank.

Herbs are healthy

Any lingering desire I may have for a healthy breakfast goes out the window on Garlic-Herb Cream Cheese Day


What a coincidence. Any desire people have to be in meetings with you also disappears on Garlic-Herb Cream Cheese Day.


So the Adorably Tiny Cafeteria Thing In My Building rarely gets anything right...the new paperboard trays they instituted last week being a perfect example of them screwing up a formerly good thing. One area of extreme sway is the cream cheese supply for bagels. They usually have three flavours available: Regular, Cinnamon (blech), and the flavour of the week. The flavour of the week varies widely from things like Olive (I throw up a little just thinking about that), to onion (ehhh), to Roasted pepper (pretty good), to Garlic-Herb (Holy crap!). Garlic-Herb is amazing. It gives me a reason to get up in the morning, and to buy lots of mints at the grocery store. The sun seems to shine a little brighter on Garlic-Herb day.

Of course, eating a bagel with cream cheese every day is not necessarily the healthiest thing to do, and it also gets boring after a while. I like to mix it up with some toast, or oatmeal, maybe even a banana...but on Garlic-Herb day, there really is no discussion. It must be done. Because before I know it, Garlic-Herb day will be no more, replaced by olives....evil, evil olives....

Now read it backwards

TGIAFBTWHSSMICWFITBO


Thank God It's Actually Friday, Because This Week Has Sucked So Much, I Can’t Wait For It To Be Over?


Of course. Have a good weekend, everybody!

This is why there's Hockey season

It's not so bad that the babies finally have their bottle, but now we’re going to have to hear about it for an entire year


As Willie so gleefully pointed out last night, the New York Steinbrenner's won the World Series last night. Good for them.


Indeed. After years of what can be described as nothing but miserable failure, the Steinbrenner's finally managed to buy the World Series. All it took was to continue using Major League Baseball as their own personal farm system to purchase another first baseman, two starting pitchers, and a new catcher. Not to mention the entire outfield they already bought to match their shiny new third baseman.

I kinda wonder just how sweet a victory it is to be put in a locker room with a bunch of mercenaries and have to pretend that you're actually a team if you happen to win.

No, I'm not whining about the economic disparity between baseball clubs, although it would be nice to see MLB get with the times and accept a salaray cap like every other major sporting league. Now that the Steinbrenners won the World Series again, that may be more likely, of course...but my issue lies more with the very concept of Steinbrenner Ball. (My own term for having none of your own talent, but solving all of your team's woes by throwing more and more money at them) Sure, it's the American Way, but the only thing that it serves to do is further your own interests, and not that of the sport as a whole. It's become a foregone conclusion that if a team develops an elite player, as soon as they're eligible, that player is going to leave to one of 4 maybe 5 teams who will be throwing around more money than anyone else. Why is it such a bad thing to take economics out of the equation and let proper team management, scouting, and training (you know...things actually related to the sport) be the deciding factors on whether or not a team is good?

It's true that Yankee fans are in the elite among obnoxious sports fans (See also: Cowboys, Dallas), and while your favourite team (and seriously...if you have never lived within 100 miles of NYC, you have no excuse for having them be your favourite team) may have won the World Series, it should feel like the emptiest of victories. This is not your team...this is a team cobbled together from the best of everyone else's teams because you could pay more for the pieces. Enjoy your victory...it certainly won't be the last, but do keep in mind that any other outcome would have been nothing short of pure disgrace.

You'll get it

There's a fine line between bravery and "Asking For It"


I'm really hoping this comes with an amusing story of you crossing that line and ending up with some consequences. Please please please be the case...


Your concern for my well-being is noted, and I'm sorry to burst your bubble. Today's Sametime Status was thought up during a recent trip to the Adorably Tiny Cafeteria Thing In My Building. A gentleman was in the middle of tempting fate while dealing with the Famed Toaster of Hades.

You see, toasting preferences vary from person to person and from item to item. Bagels toast slower than bread, rye bread should be less toasted than wheat, nobody should ever toast a blueberry muffin and expect to get away with it...etc. High-volume industrial toasters are ill-equipped to deal with all of these variations and since the Cafeteria workers have removed all adjustment knobs from the face of the toaster, the only variable we have at our disposal is number of cycles. If one is not satisfied with the level of toasting achieved, another cycle can be run. The danger, of course, is that one can not un-toast an item once the Famed Toaster of Hades has its way.

Our friend here decided that a single toasting cycle was insufficient for his breakfast needs, so his toast went in again. Having dealt with the Toaster on a number of occasions, I was mildly concerned for him. To my abject terror, following two rounds of toasting, he studied his food carefully and put the toast in for a third go-round. This, my friends, is dancing with the devil...pale moonlight or otherwise. I thought to myself, "wow...this guy is brave." Then I thought to myself, "nope...this guy is asking for it."

And also whoops...

Am I the only person who remembers the words to that McDonald's commercial with Beethoven's "Fur Elise"?


Yes.


I don't think so. There must be somebody out there.


Most people don't really try to remember commercials for fast food chains.


But people still remember "Where's the Beef?" and that's basically the same concept. It was years ago, McD's ran a commercial with a girl playing "Fur Elise" at a piano recital while mentally singing lyrics about going to the restaurant after the show. There was something about her brother being a jerk and taking her french fries, and I can't imagine anyone who would do something like that.


You would do something like that. In fact...I'm pretty sure you have done something like that in the past.


The problem here is that I can no longer hear Fur Elise without expecting the girl to play the wrong note that goes along with "And also whoops and also fries."

It's troubling.