The world may or may not end today. Thought you’d like to know.
I don't get it. You ran a Theme Week a while back about the end of the world, but today wasn't one of the days that was predicted. Is there a mistake?
Not exactly. The "End Of The World Week" was based on half-baked predictions of The End Of The World As We Know It (referred to as TEOTWAWKI Startlingly Often), whereas today's message deals with something happening today that may destroy the world.
People are actively trying to destroy the world?
More appropriate to say that today, people are trying SCIENCE! Today is the day that the Large Hadron Collider, deep underground in Switzerland and France, gets fired up to full power in the first experiment of its kind to hopefully locate the elusive Higgs Boson.
That sounds like a bad clown name.
Perhaps, but in the very basis of particle physics, the one thing that has gone missing for quite some time is a portion of the atom that causes something to have mass. Also, researches are hoping to learn more about the relative asymmetry between matter and antimatter, as well as determine the nature of Dark Matter. It's all quite exciting.
Okay...but why will this thingamajobbie cause the end of the world?
Some people have theorized that the planned experiments and extraordinarily high-energy atomic collisions created within the Collider are capable of producing Black Holes. Those tend to be bad things and would suck up all matter in the surrounding area (Read: Solar System) and compress it into dark matter with the weight of a thousand suns...or so.
Wow...all sorta interesting stuff. But it's tough to really grasp it all. You know what would help? If this information was all available in easy-to-digest jaunty rap form.
Well then, you're in luck! Will Barras, MC Hawking, and Kate McAlpine are here to help:
If you'd like to help with this monumental research project, you can contribute your computer's unused processing power to the cause. Visit LHC@Home for more info.
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
I'm sending it back
I’ve been ripped off. My new Barbecue Thermometer won’t let me cook my chicken Medium-Rare the way I like it.
Salmonella, party of one.
I know, I know...always fully cook your chicken, blah blah blah...
This public service announcement brought to you by "Jeremy Is In The Office." "Jeremy Is In The Office" is a wholly owned subsidiary of Miracle Posting, Incorporated. If it's a good Blag Post, it's a Miracle.
So I was going to get a steak or something to grill tonight, but Mother Nature has other ideas, sending me Thunderstorms for the rest of the day, and pretty much pooching any chance I have of trying out the new thermometer. Which is a shame, too, because it's pretty cool. It has a wireless transmitter so I can just walk around with a little walkie-talkie looking thing and know exactly when my steak is cooked to perfection.
Speaking of grills:
This video irritates me to no end, and is part of my continuing series, "The Wussification Of America." At the very end, the mother says that the maker of this particular item should remove them from the shelves. But...SHE'S THE ONE WHO BOUGHT IT FOR HER MORON KID!!! Also, removing them from shelves wouldn't help in her case anyway, since she bought it at a flea market.
It's probably not a good idea to put anything you buy at a flea market in your mouth.
Lots of good tips for healthy living in the Blag today. I feel accomplished. Have a good day, everyone!
Salmonella, party of one.
I know, I know...always fully cook your chicken, blah blah blah...
This public service announcement brought to you by "Jeremy Is In The Office." "Jeremy Is In The Office" is a wholly owned subsidiary of Miracle Posting, Incorporated. If it's a good Blag Post, it's a Miracle.
So I was going to get a steak or something to grill tonight, but Mother Nature has other ideas, sending me Thunderstorms for the rest of the day, and pretty much pooching any chance I have of trying out the new thermometer. Which is a shame, too, because it's pretty cool. It has a wireless transmitter so I can just walk around with a little walkie-talkie looking thing and know exactly when my steak is cooked to perfection.
Speaking of grills:
This video irritates me to no end, and is part of my continuing series, "The Wussification Of America." At the very end, the mother says that the maker of this particular item should remove them from the shelves. But...SHE'S THE ONE WHO BOUGHT IT FOR HER MORON KID!!! Also, removing them from shelves wouldn't help in her case anyway, since she bought it at a flea market.
It's probably not a good idea to put anything you buy at a flea market in your mouth.
Lots of good tips for healthy living in the Blag today. I feel accomplished. Have a good day, everyone!
Monday, September 8, 2008
Yeah....it was that guy.
For the record, Troy Smith won the Heisman Trophy in 2006.
Is that really important?
No, but it was the subject of great debate during the football game last night. As it turns out, nobody seems to know who wins the Heisman anymore...and in many cases it turns out not to matter much. Our boy Troy Smith here (Depending on the source) is currently listed as the 2nd or 3rd string Quarterback for the Baltimore Ravens, backing up the immortal Joe Flacco.
I don't know who that is either.
Also noteworthy was another subject of debate, and another former Heisman Trophy winner Chris Weinke. I'm told through Very Reliable Sources that Weinke is currently out of the NFL with a career QB record of 2-18. However, there's always reasons for optimism. I understand there's a starting QB job available in the Boston area.
Who cares? NHL Training camp is less than 2 weeks away!
Is that really important?
No, but it was the subject of great debate during the football game last night. As it turns out, nobody seems to know who wins the Heisman anymore...and in many cases it turns out not to matter much. Our boy Troy Smith here (Depending on the source) is currently listed as the 2nd or 3rd string Quarterback for the Baltimore Ravens, backing up the immortal Joe Flacco.
I don't know who that is either.
Also noteworthy was another subject of debate, and another former Heisman Trophy winner Chris Weinke. I'm told through Very Reliable Sources that Weinke is currently out of the NFL with a career QB record of 2-18. However, there's always reasons for optimism. I understand there's a starting QB job available in the Boston area.
Who cares? NHL Training camp is less than 2 weeks away!
Friday, September 5, 2008
It's SUCH a long walk...
What’s with parents driving their kids to the end of the driveway to wait for the school bus?
They just want to make sure the little tykes are safe. It seems perfectly reasonable.
I disagree. Not only do I find this to be the next installment of a popular Sametime Status feature I like to call "The Wussification of America," but I submit to you, The Most Intelligent Readership In The World, that this action is decidedly...dramatic pause...Unamerican!
DUN-DUN-DUUUUUUUNNNNN!!!!
Unfortunately, the dramatic "reveal moment" music doesn't quite translate to the Blag, but you get the idea.
In this day of banning dodge ball, watering down classes, and inventing The Cordless Jump Rope, we've taken steps to shield children from every possible speed bump on the road of life. This makes them wussies. Driving them the whole 50 feet from the house to the end of the driveway so they can wait for the school bus is going one step beyond that. AND I SAW IT THREE TIMES ON MY WAY TO WORK TODAY!!!
Okay, so it's a pretty wussy thing to do...why is it Unamerican?
Because one of the key issues in America today is the economy and the price of various forms of energy, including gasoline. Everyone knows that engines are most efficient once they've been driven for a few minutes and up to optimal operating temperature. Also, the only true way to spend less money on gasoline is to use less. These 3 parents all drove gas-guzzling SUV's at their least efficient a whole 50 feet and left them running for no good reason other than to have the climate control on, wasting gas that I'll have to pay for next time I'm at the pump. Thanks, jerks!
Speaking of wasting things. Here's a pretty good waste of whatever it takes to run this thing...the coolest water fountain ever:
They just want to make sure the little tykes are safe. It seems perfectly reasonable.
I disagree. Not only do I find this to be the next installment of a popular Sametime Status feature I like to call "The Wussification of America," but I submit to you, The Most Intelligent Readership In The World, that this action is decidedly...dramatic pause...Unamerican!
DUN-DUN-DUUUUUUUNNNNN!!!!
Unfortunately, the dramatic "reveal moment" music doesn't quite translate to the Blag, but you get the idea.
In this day of banning dodge ball, watering down classes, and inventing The Cordless Jump Rope, we've taken steps to shield children from every possible speed bump on the road of life. This makes them wussies. Driving them the whole 50 feet from the house to the end of the driveway so they can wait for the school bus is going one step beyond that. AND I SAW IT THREE TIMES ON MY WAY TO WORK TODAY!!!
Okay, so it's a pretty wussy thing to do...why is it Unamerican?
Because one of the key issues in America today is the economy and the price of various forms of energy, including gasoline. Everyone knows that engines are most efficient once they've been driven for a few minutes and up to optimal operating temperature. Also, the only true way to spend less money on gasoline is to use less. These 3 parents all drove gas-guzzling SUV's at their least efficient a whole 50 feet and left them running for no good reason other than to have the climate control on, wasting gas that I'll have to pay for next time I'm at the pump. Thanks, jerks!
Speaking of wasting things. Here's a pretty good waste of whatever it takes to run this thing...the coolest water fountain ever:
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Sporting Grammar 101
Golf is the only sport that is its own verb. Discuss.
Well, just about any sport is a very if you add "-ing" at the end.
Exactly. So what we're looking for here is a sport that does not require grerundizing (I'm not sure if that's a word, but I like it) in order to turn it into a verb.
You can say, "I'm going to golf," and nobody will think anything of it, but if you say "Let's go baseball," people look at you funny.
People look at you funny quite often.
So in keeping with today's theme, here's a clip of some moderately amusing (and mostly poorly staged) golf bloopers. Enjoy!
Well, just about any sport is a very if you add "-ing" at the end.
Exactly. So what we're looking for here is a sport that does not require grerundizing (I'm not sure if that's a word, but I like it) in order to turn it into a verb.
You can say, "I'm going to golf," and nobody will think anything of it, but if you say "Let's go baseball," people look at you funny.
People look at you funny quite often.
So in keeping with today's theme, here's a clip of some moderately amusing (and mostly poorly staged) golf bloopers. Enjoy!
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Malaria Saves!
Apparently, Malaria is a preventative disease.
Good to know...up until now, I thought Malaria was a bad thing.
Good thing we have radio commercials. Lately, a local exterminating service has been running a series of ads detailing their involvement in a perfectly reasonable charity to distribute mosquito netting to families in Africa to reduce the spread of Malaria. This is all well and good, but in the commercial, the owner of the business describes Malaria as "A preventative disease."
I wonder what it prevents. Maybe it protects you from Bird Flu?
If that were the case, then I'd say this charity has it all backwards. We should be encouraging people to get bitten by mosquitoes, deal with the wholly treatable Malaria and be, at long last, protected from the deadly Avian Influenza.
More likely, the owner of this particular pest control business really means that Malaria is a Preventable disease, and just wanted to use a big word to impress people without first knowing what it means. Either way, I can't encourage the use of this particular exterminator service. Good grammar is a strangely important trait that I like to see in people spraying poisonous chemicals around my house.
That's fine...but won't the charity suffer?
Perhaps a bit. But, if you'd like to learn more about Malaria and the "Nothing But Nets" campaign, please visit Nothingbutnets.net.
This public service brought to you by "Jeremy Is In The Office"....and the people running the campaign, I guess.
Good to know...up until now, I thought Malaria was a bad thing.
Good thing we have radio commercials. Lately, a local exterminating service has been running a series of ads detailing their involvement in a perfectly reasonable charity to distribute mosquito netting to families in Africa to reduce the spread of Malaria. This is all well and good, but in the commercial, the owner of the business describes Malaria as "A preventative disease."
I wonder what it prevents. Maybe it protects you from Bird Flu?
If that were the case, then I'd say this charity has it all backwards. We should be encouraging people to get bitten by mosquitoes, deal with the wholly treatable Malaria and be, at long last, protected from the deadly Avian Influenza.
More likely, the owner of this particular pest control business really means that Malaria is a Preventable disease, and just wanted to use a big word to impress people without first knowing what it means. Either way, I can't encourage the use of this particular exterminator service. Good grammar is a strangely important trait that I like to see in people spraying poisonous chemicals around my house.
That's fine...but won't the charity suffer?
Perhaps a bit. But, if you'd like to learn more about Malaria and the "Nothing But Nets" campaign, please visit Nothingbutnets.net.
This public service brought to you by "Jeremy Is In The Office"....and the people running the campaign, I guess.
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
BUY IT NOW!!!
“I'm optimistic, because everyday I get a little more desperate. And desperate situations yield the quickest results.” Michael Scott; Dunder Mifflin
YAY! Office is back!! But...it's Tuesday...and the new season doesn't start for a couple weeks. What's going on?
Today is just as important a day in Dunder Mifflin as any Thursday night. Today is the day that The Office, Season 4 comes out on DVD. So I have a stop to make after work today. I also have to buy some longer screws for my kitchen hardware, but that's unrelated.
So where can I purchase the DVD's for everyone I know or care about?
Actually, I have no idea. At some point, I'll have to pore over some of the usual websites to see who has the best price and which stores get the better special features on the DVD set. That's really the only difference. It'll wind up being one of the large automatonic box stores nearby, though.
In the meantime, here's some info for the upcoming Season 5. The mood of The Office will be changing significantly. Since the untimely death (possibly murder) of one of the major characters, the Dunder Mifflin folks, instead of Michael's hilarity, will be caught in the midst of a criminal investigation. Here's a trailer for the new season: (WARNING: The following clip does NOT contain spoilers, but it does contain a cover of a Pink Floyd song)
YAY! Office is back!! But...it's Tuesday...and the new season doesn't start for a couple weeks. What's going on?
Today is just as important a day in Dunder Mifflin as any Thursday night. Today is the day that The Office, Season 4 comes out on DVD. So I have a stop to make after work today. I also have to buy some longer screws for my kitchen hardware, but that's unrelated.
So where can I purchase the DVD's for everyone I know or care about?
Actually, I have no idea. At some point, I'll have to pore over some of the usual websites to see who has the best price and which stores get the better special features on the DVD set. That's really the only difference. It'll wind up being one of the large automatonic box stores nearby, though.
In the meantime, here's some info for the upcoming Season 5. The mood of The Office will be changing significantly. Since the untimely death (possibly murder) of one of the major characters, the Dunder Mifflin folks, instead of Michael's hilarity, will be caught in the midst of a criminal investigation. Here's a trailer for the new season: (WARNING: The following clip does NOT contain spoilers, but it does contain a cover of a Pink Floyd song)
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