You Can Be Jealous Now

If there is a greater symbol of quality than a top hat and monocle, I don’t know what it is

It's certainly not the fake blue ribbon that says "Quality" drawn onto the coffee container in your office.  That stuff is borderline swill.  

So, when it comes to wealth and leisure, few things paint a clearer picture than a top hat and monocle.  You see somebody wearing a top hat and monocle, you know for sure that person is nothing but a high roller.  So, when it comes to mascots and spokespeople, if you want to convey an image of quality and success, you put your spokesperson is a top hat and monocle.  

I mean, come on...even Batman's enemy The Penguin has a top hat and monocle...and he was a gentleman of leisure before turning to his life of crime.  

Unrelated to any of this, some time ago, and for reasons that really don't need exploring right now, some coworkers began to refer to me as "Lord Jefferey" and it's become something of a running gag.  I designed the official mascot of the "Lord Jefferey" character, which is a stick figure head with an oversized handlebar mustache, a top hat, and a monocle.  I draw this character on conference room white boards once in a while just to see how long they remain.  

Not long ago, I was in a restaurant which was once featured on a television show, so you know it's high quality.  Rather than stocking the restaurant with regular low-class ketchup, they featured a high-priced alternative that's like organic and healthy or somethingorother.  How did I know it was high-priced and fancy?  Of course, the mascot had A Top Hat And Monocle.  (If you mouseover the logo, he wiggles his mustache.  It's hilarious)  This mascot bears a remarkable resemblance (entirely coincidentally, for all you lawyers reading) to Lord Jefferey. 

I immediately told my coworkers about this find, and hearty laughter abounded.  

Unfortunately, this restaurant was outside of the Greater Jeremy Area, so I didn't have particularly high hopes of seeing Sir Kensington again.  I figured I could only make do with pictures from the internets.  

Until recently, when I was in a local grocery store which often features pricier higher-quality merchandise than you typically find in a standard supermarket.  On a lark, I go down the condiment aisle, and looking back at me is Sir Kensington.  Hooray!  I now have a bottle of fancy non-GMO, non-high fructose corn syrup, low-sugar, all-natural ketchup.  I haven't tried it yet, so I have no idea if it's any good.