Better Than "Rotted Driftwood" I guess

Even the rental cars are bigger in Texas  


Welcome back, Jeremy.  How was your trip?  


It was a real hootenanny.


In case you're wondering, Jeremy has been on a business trip to Texas for the last little while.  Nobody there used the word hootenanny.  


All of that is true, and at least half of that is entirely depressing.


And Jeremy stole a car, so that's a thing...


I did nothing of the sort!  I provided myself a free upgrade. 

So, when you fly into one of the largest airports in the country and need to rent a car, there really needs to be an efficient system in place for that sort of thing, since the folks there are dealing with a significantly higher than average volume of people looking for rental cars.  Such was the case at the airport I flew into at the start of my trip.  The efficient system that has been developed at that particular airport is to place all of the rental cars in a large parking garage, leaving the keys inside, and directing the customers to simply walk to an area of the garage designated for their tier of reserved car.  The customer then picks out whichever car they want from that area, and customer service agents scan the barcodes and such on the way out.  This is all well and good. 

I was directed to the "Gold" section of the garage, which is where the small-to-mid-range levels of cars that I'm allowed to rent are parked.  Seems like a bit of a misnomer, since there would have to be like...platinum, ruby, emerald, diamond, and depleted uranium levels to cover all of the upgrades I'm not allowed to have which would ostensibly be placed above "Gold" but that's neither here nor there.  I find that the Gold section takes up the entirety of two rows of cars, most of which are totally reasonable mid-sized cars.  I select one and stick my head in the door to retrieve the keys, only to be immediately gassed out by the remains of voluminous cigarette smoke.  I promptly close the door and move across the aisle to another car of the same make, but that I recognized as a higher-tiered model.  The inside smelled fine. 

After verifying at least three times that this car was indeed parked in a "Gold" space in the "Gold" aisle, I place my stuff in the trunk and make for the exit.  The attendant scans my license to look up my reservation, and immediately looks confused.  He asks if I got the car from "Gold" and I pointed to the row where it was parked, even informing him of the parking space number I found it in.  He goes back to his computer and remains confused.  He comes back and asks if I located the car in some form of "special prestige reserved" section or some crap...I once again explain that it was in the "Gold" row, once again pointing to the row and space where the car had been located.  He returns to his computer.  He comes back and says, "This wasn't in a special prestige reserved space?  It was Gold?  It was reserved for somebody else."  I explain for a third time that the car was parked in space number 502, which is the third space in the Gold row, that it was parked next to that silver one right over there (pointing), and asked if I should return it there and pick out a new one.  The guy says it's okay, that he'll change the other person's reservation to a different car, and that I was all set. 

So, at the end of the trip, I get my receipt from the rental car company, and sure enough.  My reservation was for a "C" class car (which, apparently "C" stands for "Gold" and the system goes to F at the very least...I don't get it), and the receipt says that I rented an "F" class car.  I don't know what the frig F stands for, but it's clearly better than C.  I was charged the C class rate, since that's what I reserved, so I got a free upgrade!  I also find myself entirely convinced that Gold is highly undervalued in the lexicon of this particular rental car company.