Topic Til It's Optic

Around the holidays, is it really necessary to do things until they rhyme? 


Maybe not necessary, but in general, it comes highly recommended.  By the way...what the crap are you talking about?  


So, unless you've been living under a rock, you've recently been made aware that we've had a flurry of commerce-related holidays recently.  You have Black Friday (which is totally a misnomer now, since 83% of stores start Black Friday on Thursday now, but that's beside the point), Small Business Saturday (which is totally a misnomer now, since "Small Business Saturday" is actually a registered trademark of the American Express Corporation, a Fortune 500 multi-national corporation with revenues exceeding 30 billion dollars, but that's beside the point), and Cyber Monday (which is probably not totally a misnomer yet, but the fact that it's a formal title causes me to capitalize monday, which I otherwise never do, but that's beside the point).  Along with these entirely commercial holidays comes an all-too-oft repeated expression which we've all heard enough times that we don't even think about it anymore: "Shop til you drop."

Strictly speaking, we're supposed to walk around spending money on goods and services until we no longer contain the physical capacity to remain standing.  This seems a little excessive, but it rhymes, so we just go along with it.

Only this year, I was made aware of a similar rhyming pithy expression for this particular holiday season.  I managed to ignore it once, but I heard it at least 5 times over my Thanksgiving break.  I was instructed to "Gobble till you wobble." 

Strictly speaking, we're supposed to eat until we no longer contain the physical capacity to stand correctly.  Yeah...it's nowhere near as catchy or pithy as the shopping one, but it rhymes and we like pumpkin pie, so we just go along with it.

So, what else are we supposed to do until it rhymes now that the broader holiday season is upon us?  Gift til you're miffed? 
Wrap til your nap? 
Sing til you hear a ding? 


Blag til you make us all gag?  Write til we're filled with spite?  Joke til your readers croak?  


You get the idea.  Rhyming pithiness really does have its limits, and I think we passed it at least one catch phrase ago.  Also, I've never dropped from shopping, so I'm probably not even doing that one right.  

Don't Need A Live Rooster, Either

Happy Thanksgiving, from Jeremy's Sametime Status! 


Thanks, Jeremy.  Enjoy your Turkey Day.  


So, here we are at the kickoff of another holiday season.  It's time for cold weather, hot chocolate, way too much food, and probably some other stuff.  Decorations, maybe.

If you're wondering what to get your favorite comedy blagger for Christmas, you're not alone.  Candlesticks don't always make a nice gift, and I'm not registered anywhere that you can get a placesetting or a silverware pattern...not that I need any of that stuff anyway. 


Alright, let's get two!  


Either way, work's been pretty crazy lately, so I've decided not to do it anymore...at least for a couple days.  It's time for turkey!  See you next week. 


Jeremy Is In The Office will be Out Of The Office starting tomorrow, and returning monday, November 28th with all new nonsense.  Happy Thanksgiving, everyone, and safe travels for anyone hitting the roads. 

Something That Is Totally Happening

Waking up half an hour earlier every day this week to get ready for Black Friday  

Darn right, Jeremy.  Those 4AM sales aren't going to shop themselves, you know.

So, here we are...Thanksgiving week already, which means Christmas music has been playing in stores for almost a month now.  If I was making that up, it might be a little funnier than it is, but seriously, I first heard Christmas music playing in a store back in October so...yeah.  It also means that the official start of the Holiday Shopping Season arrives this Friday...Black Friday!  

While many stores have decided to completely eschew Thanksgiving in favor of giving people a couple more hours to spend money, the concept of Black Friday has lost a little bit of it's cachet.  But, there are still a decent number of decent stores that still close on Thanksgiving and merely open at some ridiculous hour of the morning on Friday for the barrage of shoppers dreaming of scoring a great deal and satisfy their bizarre urge to "get the shopping done early for once."  It's a weird concept that I don't understand, but whatever.  

With that, come 4:00AM this Friday, if you're not in a store, you're behind the eight ball and will not only lose out on saving a couple bucks on some piece of crap that the store can sell cheaper than usual, you will be missing out on the quintessential American experience of being in a deal-hungry mob of people on Black Friday.  Don't be left out...be shopping!  

With that in mind, I know where I'm going to be at 4AM on Friday, and f that's "out shopping," that means being not only awake, but awake and functioning at 4AM.  This is not something that amateurs should just jump into with both feet.  It requires careful planning, preparation, and physical conditioning.  Part of that preparation if waking up earlier and earlier each day with the goal of having 4AM be no big deal when the big day comes.  So, I've set up my alarm to wake me up 30 minutes earlier every day between now and Friday.  Baby steps.  Friday morning, I'm going to be one step ahead of all of the other suckers trying to get the "must have" Christmas gift.  Their lack of preparation will be my greatest advantage.  Suck it, amateurs! 

It Was Early, Okay?

It’s remarkably difficult to find your ID badge when you’re holding your ID badge  

Those things are always in the last place you look.  

Very true...and when you've fooled yourself into not looking there, it turns into a problem.  

So, like many companies nowadays, to get into the building where I work, you need to scan a digital ID badge to unlock the door.  It's not a big deal, and it keeps things secure, so I'm okay with it.  I tend to keep my ID badge locked safely in the car so that it's always there for me when I get to work.  I take it out along with my laptop bag and I'm ready to start my workday.  See, if you forget your badge at home, you have to go to the security office, hope somebody is working there that day, show them your regular ID, get a temporary sticker badge that says you're allowed to go to work today, then stand by the door waiting for somebody to open it for you.  It's embarrassing, and people tend to make fun of your "badge of shame" throughout the day to add to the embarrassment.  It's the way things are.  

Not long ago, I had to run some errands after work, and in all of this fuss, I neglected to take my badge off and tuck it safely into the car.  So here I am, walking around a local store which carries supplies for your bedroom, bathroom, and perhaps other rooms of your house wearing my ID badge, my smiling face and company ID number looking back at everyone walking by.  I immediately became self-conscious about it and pulled off the lanyard to tuck it into the pocket of my jacket and saying to myself, "okay, self...remember to take it out of your pocket when you get back to the car."  I made two other stops on my journey that day, and after each one, to nobody's surprise whatsoever, I reminded myself that my badge was still in my pocket and not in the car.  I had to give myself at least three reminders to put my badge in the car.  

At some point, I did...and it was not memorable.  

Fast forward to today (which probably tells you all you need to know about when these errand adventures happened, but that's beside the point entirely), and here I am in the parking lot at work, getting ready to go into the office.  I grab my badge out of the car, retrieve my breakfast apple from the car's cup holder, pick the laptop bag off of the passenger's seat, and decide that I need to check my phone...I guess it beeped or something.  Badge and apple in one hand, I pull out my phone and scroll through phone stuff to my satisfaction, so now it's time to go inside.  

Badge and apple in one hand, I remember that the previous night, I had told myself to take my badge out of my jacket and put it in the car, ergo my badge must be in some unusual place.  Badge and apple in one hand, I search my jacket pocket for my badge to no avail.  Badge and apple in one hand, I search my car's storage location for my badge to no avail.  Badge and apple in one hand, I begin to wonder where I ended up putting my badge the previous night, pondering if I left it at home on the ledge where I tend to keep my keys and other gubbins.  Badge and apple in one hand, I begin to think about going over to the security office to collect my badge of shame so I can get into work.  Badge and apple in one hand, I set my laptop bag back down into the passenger seat.  Badge and apple in one hand, I start to put the apple back into the car's cup holder and notice that I have had my badge in my hand throughout this entire episode.  I decide I'm an idiot, collect the rest of my belongings and make my way inside. 

It Is Casual Friday After All

It’s Password Day!  My email password is no longer “S0x&S@nd@l$”


That's right, folks.  Password Day!  Those special days of the year where Jeremy has to change his passwords to around a dozen different systems he uses at work, and hopes that the same new password will fit all of the rules.  Let's see how he fared this time around.


I did the same as last time!  Only one of the systems rejected my new password for violating some rule that I don't even understand.  It has enough of the usual specialty items that passwords like to have such as capital letters, numbers, special characters, and/or whatnot.  It's long enough to satisfy the requirements for every other system.  It's not the same as my last 10 passwords.  It's not a common series of letters or words like "password" or "12345" or any of that nonsense.  Every system likes it, except one.

That system is a jerk. 

On top of rejecting my preferred password, it's a jerk about assigning a password.  Since I can't be bothered to remember two new passwords (or for that matter, finding one that is allowed by this jerk of a system and doesn't violate whatever phantom rule I'm breaking with the other one), I simply asked it to generate a password for me.  On the last password day, this turned out to be a remarkably big mistake.  Since it's no longer the password and is no longer good for anything, I can share it with you here.  The password it gave me was "KRSDFtq9ysijwZtch8rofSjNZITJHp".  I'm not making that up. 

In order to actually use that, I employed one of the exact scenarios that one is supposed to avoid when using passwords...I saved it in a txt file on my hard drive.  So, if anybody wanted to access that system using my account, all they would have to do is be able to log into my computer using the power-on password and windows password, then locate the piece of software which serves as the interface for that system, locate the txt file buried on my hard drive somewhere, figure out that this jumble of nonsense was in fact the password to that system, and log right in. 

I still feel okay about the security there...especially since it's a database where I only have read access and can't even change any of the data stored inside.  Good thing I have a new secure password. 


With the exception of today's anecdote, it should be noted that neither this nor any of the passwords featured in our "Password Day" posts are or have ever been used as Jeremy's email password.  Seriously...there's nothing interesting in Jeremy's work email anyway...just a bunch of worky stuff.  You're better off hacking his Facebook account. 

I'll Ask Again In Two Years

Let the 2018 election season commence!  


Dear God, Jeremy.  We've barely maintained our sanity just getting through this election, and you're on to the next one?  


I'm actually behind.  There are already Plenty of Articles out There about who is going to run for president in 2020.  These articles are by people who do this type of stuff for a living.  It's nonsense, sure...but it's paid nonsense.

But LIR is right.  We shouldn't get ahead of ourselves and look past today's election and the importance it brings to our country, our democracy, and quite frankly, our place in the world.  I'm going to give my bi-annual message to the people.  It's a little different than most other messages you'll hear today, but I think it's just as valid:

Don't be afraid to not vote.  

Everyone else tells you how important this election is, and how critical it is to make your voice heard in the sea of millions of voters.  But to me, those can be conflicting messages.  Here's what I mean.  If the election and voting is important to you, by all means, vote. 

If you have to be reminded that today is election day, and reminded that it's your "civic duty" to vote, please don't vote. 

If you don't know 100% which candidate you're voting for in each race, please don't vote.  If you only care about the presidential race, it's perfectly okay to leave the others blank.

If you don't know where each candidate truly stands on whatever issues that matter to you, please don't vote.  Of course, by "truly stands," I mean not listening to what the other candidate says about their opponents policy positions, not getting the bulk of your policy information from pithy Facebook posts by partisan blogs, only watching/listening to media sources which provide opinions you already agree with.  The League of Women Voters runs a great informational website on every race without bias or slant on policy proposals.  It's not too late to become an informed voter. 

I firmly believe that the most important part of a democracy is informed voters.  I am an informed voter.  When I walked into my voting booth at number 89 this morning, I knew exactly who I was voting for and why.  I perfectly understand that regardless of my personal position on any policy issue, approximately half of the people in the country disagree with that stand.  That's okay.  If you disagree with me, and you vote the other direction, then we'll count up who wins.  If I get my vote cancelled by somebody else for whom my preferred policies do not work as well, so be it.  That's what voting is for. 

If I get my vote cancelled out by somebody who says, "I'm a registered *insert political party here* so that other candidate is trying to destroy America," then I have a problem.  A thoroughly uninformed vote is cancelling mine out for no reason other than a D or an R at the end of someone's name, or a fear of a phantom policy position they saw on a picture on Twitter, or that guy on *insert partisan media outlet here* told them to. 

I have voted.  By the time you read this, most of you probably will have as well.  But, if I can save one informed vote from the purgatory of the ignorant, it will have been worth it.