It just makes sense

I should get a tattoo that looks like a giant bruise.


The whole world is going to regret this, but why do you want to do that, Jeremy?


Well, today's Sametime Status is brought to you by the fact that I have a bruise on my left arm. It's not very big, and the colors have died down a bit...but it still hurts like a mother.


How did you get it?


The bruise, I owe to some genius interior design in the bathroom here at work. (Don't worry, I'm not going to sue) Since all of the upright options were taken, I was forced to use one of the stalls. The door opened outward, and included a longer than anticipated coat hook which stuck out into the door opening. Since I wasn't paying enough attention, I nailed my arm rather forcefully onto the hook. I actually may have bent it out of shape. I now have a bruise.


And this has what to do with tattoos?


Conservation of pain.

It's really quite simple. Getting a bruise is at least somewhat manly. People see a giant bruise and ask how you got it, and you get to say things like "got in a fight with a bear...barely made it out alive" or "halfpipe training" and shrug it off as if it was no big deal. People don't need to know you got it from a bathroom stall. The problem with bruises is that it hurts to get them. You generally have to injure yourself somehow.

With a tattoo, sure it hurts to get initially, but then you have it forever. It's a one time pain for a lifetime of manliness, rather than having to get non-stop injuries. I don't know why people haven't thought of this before!