Not Clear How Many Ended Up In Garbage Cans

Why hasn’t Oscar the Grouch ever hosted the Oscars?

Seems pretty obvious, really.  Oscar Nunez never hosted them, either.

Also getting the Oscar hosting snub are Oscar de la Hoya and Oscar Salazar.  I really have no idea what the Oscar people have against Oscars.  

In fact, Oscar Hammerstein is the only person named Oscar who has ever won an Oscar, but he did win two of them.  

So, completely unrelated...the Academy Awards ceremony is this Sunday.  Has something to do with movies, I think. 

OITNB Season 2 Starts In June, Too

Has anyone definitively established a statute of limitations for spoilers on Netflix shows?

This is a very important and timely topic.  Thank you for bringing this to the public's attention, Jeremy.  

You're very welcome.  

So not long ago, there was a paradigm shift in the way scripted programs are watched.  This happened with the video company Netflix, and their ability to dump an entire season's worth of show on the unsuspecting (or very much suspecting) public all at once.  

Typically, TV shows are produced episodically and aired to the public one at a time, over the course of many weeks.  Then, there is usually a substantial gap in between seasons of a show, during which cast and crew take a break to give themselves awards, TV stations show a bunch of reruns and trash reality shows, and the viewing audience decides to go outside instead of watching TV.  After this break, a new season of the show starts up, and the process begins anew.  Well, with the advent of DVDs, entire seasons of shows can be copied onto discs and watched en masse, but not until after the entire season had been shown on TV first.  

Along comes Netflix, and before long they discovered that they didn't need to wait until the discs were produced.  They could produce their own shows and dump them out onto the internets in one shot.  This led to the concept of Binge-Watching, in which you sit down and watch an entire season of the new show in one sitting.  At this point, you have information pertaining to the plot and characters of a show before anyone who is watching the show at a more sane pace.  Technically, they're not spoilers, because everyone else has access to the show, too.  They just haven't gone all batty and watched the entire thing yet.  

So, the "official" rules for spoiler etiquette on movies are simple.  Once a film is released on DVD, all spoilers are fair game.  I can, in fact, tell you with impunity that Darth Vader is Luke Skywalker's father.  The rules for TV shows are a little more complicated:  Spoilers are no longer considered spoilers and can be openly discussed two weeks after a regular episode airs, two months after a season finale, and one year after a series finale.  So I can tell you that Rita is dead (Season 4 Finale), but nothing about Fiona Gallagher's trial (Last week's episode) or the fate of Walter White (Series Finale).  A little more to think about, but not so bad.

However, we now run into the issue of Binge-Watched Netflix shows.  Season 2 of House of Cards has been out for about 2 weeks.  So, can we discuss the first episode?  Anyone who has seen the first episode at this point is strongly cautioning me against that right now.  In a sense, every episode of the show is a season finale, since they're all at the same time.  But do I really need to wait 2 months before talking about ANYTHING that happens in Season 2?  Can I talk about Episode 1 next week? 

The bottom line is that rules for this sort of thing have not been firmly established.  There are no standing guidelines as to how long it is expected for people to take to watch the new season, and therefore, how long I have to hold off on talking about spoilers.  This is impacting me more than you might think.  I have a funny story to tell about a question I asked somebody about the new season (I hadn't seen any of it at the time), and that person's answer to me.  The problem is, this story is only funny (and able to be told) if you've already seen Season 2 since it deals with a pretty substantial spoiler.  As such...I can't even tell my story!  My only concern is...how long do I have to wait? 

A Very Violent Post

Video games have taught me that bad guys tend to leave plates of perfectly good food laying around on the floor

Video games have also apparently taught you that the line between "good guys" and "bad guys" is very distinct and noticeable.  This is not always the case.

Very true.  Historically, most of the non-hockey video games I've played have taken the form of shooter games, be they scrollers like River Raid or Contra, or First/Third person shooters such as Halo or Mercenaries.  It's a pretty well-renowned genre of video games.  They all have a couple critical things in common.  As LIR eluded to, the bad guys are easily distinguished so they can be targets for your wrath, the bad guys tend to be much worse at their job than you are since they have you hopelessly outnumbered, yet you tend to prevail more often than not, and should you receive any damage, you can instantly be returned to full health by either obtaining a first aid kit that happens to be laying around, or by eating something.  

First and Third person shooters do tend to have a couple drawbacks when it comes to believability, though.  Sorry as I am to say it, it's true.  

First of all, ammunition.  Not only is it found strewn randomly about the enemy base, but it all is apparently perfectly suited to whatever weapon you're carrying.  Having suffered through reading some of the Survivalist Series of truly awful books, I was repeatedly made excruciatingly aware that not all guns and ammunition are the same.  Also, I was told never to use the word "clip" to describe a "magazine," but I was never told why.  Either way, when you're running around an FPS (common acronym for First Person Shooter), you just pick up ammo, and you're ready to go.  No hassle of leading the bullets into a clip...sorry..."magazine"...or any nonsense like that.  Just a half-second reload, and fire away!  

Second, Where does the hero put all of this crap he's carrying?  In Doom II, our hero is capable of carrying a pistol, two different shotguns, a small gatling gun, a rocket launcher, a plasma gun, and a large plasma cannon (known as a BFG-9000), in addition to 400 bullets, 100 shotgun shells, and 600 plasma cells.  All of this, seemingly in a backpack.  Some games take things even farther.  Blake Stone, for example, strolls the hallways of the bad guy's lair collecting bags of gold coins and piles of gold bars.  Not only is this stuff just laying around on the floor, but now our hero collects it all somehow and carries it with him for the remainder of the game.  That must get heavy.

Thirdly, bad guys don't tend to have alarms or radios in video games.  I like to think that if I had an evil headquarters, my henchmen would be able to communicate with each other through cell phones or walkie talkies.  That way, when one of them sees an intruder carrying guns and ammunition, they tell other people that there is an intruder, and other people are dispatched to that location.  In video games, the first reaction is apparently to loudly and distinctly announce your presence so you can be shot by the hero.  Also, I have no idea why the Nazis are guarding empty rooms as often as they seem to do in Wolfenstein.  

And finally, health.  Let's ignore the med kits that are placed strategically around every bad guy's liar, presumably for insurance purposes, and talk about food.  It's a bit of a stretch to believe that putting a bandaid on will heal a bullet or shrapnel wound quickly like it seem to work in Duke Nukem.  It's a complete leap of faith to think that eating a piece of chicken accomplishes the same thing.  In most of these games, food is equal to health.  This makes no sense.  I've been living a lie all this time. 

Hooves Are Close, Usually

So if something is close to horseshoes, does that count?


What exactly is close to horseshoes?


Depends who you ask, I guess.  If you ask a farrier, probably nothing, but anyone else may tell some things like shuffleboard, lawn darts, and curling are close to horseshoes. 


Which brings us right back to curling.  We should wrap up Theme Week while we're at it.  


Fair enough.  We last left off on Friday with James Van Riemsdyk, who was a member of the 2014 Us Men's Olympic hockey team, not Curling.  I'd like to thank everyone who participated in this Olympic Theme Week and hope everyone had a good time and learned a thing or two.

Anyway...today's Sametime Status is, of course, a semi logical continuation of the phrase "Close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades."  We're left to wonder if, therefore, something that is close to horseshoes (a lucky rabbit's foot, perhaps), or hand grenades (Molotov cocktail?), would also suffice.  I still don't know. 

Theme Week, Part Americas

Jeremy's Sametime Status Proudly Presents: 2014 Olympic Curling Athlete True or False Week! 
Day X:  James Van Riemsdyk


Alas, all good things must come to an end.  Today is the final day of Olympic Theme Week.  One last chance to show your mettle while the greatest athletes in the world try for medals. 


That's right. Today's topic is James Van Riemsdyk.  All you have to do is tell us whether James is a 2014 Olympic Curling Competitor or not.  Easy!

Yesterday, we talked about Thomas Ulsrud.  Thomas is not only a 2014 Olympic Curler, but arguably one of the most recognizable people in international curling today.  Not so much for his curling prowess (He is the Skip for a Norwegian team that barely lost a tiebreaker for the Olympic Semifinals), but for his keep eye for fashion. 

Ulsrud is, in fact, the leader of the team most noted for wearing Amazing Pants during their bonspiels.  Unfortunately, the Pants weren't enough, as Team Great Britain took two points in the final end to secure a 6-5 come-from-behind victory over Norway this past Tuesday to move on to the Semis.  Great Britain would later go on to win Silver in men's curling. 

Theme Week, Part Oceania

Jeremy's Sametime Status Proudly Presents: 2014 Olympic Curling Athlete True or False Week! 
Day IX:  Thomas Ulsrud


Isn't he the guy from Metallica?  


You're thinking of Lars Ulrich.


So I am.  Either way, we're winding down on Olympic Theme Week here, with only two days. left.  Today, Thomas Ulsrud.  2014 Olympic Curler, or nay?


Yesterday, we brought you Nikolay Basov.  While Nikolay did not win a gold medal in 2014, he won something just as prestigious.   He won a little thing called the Nobel Prize.  Nikolay was a Russian Physicist whose fundamental work in quantum oscillation was integral in development of the Laser.  Today, lasers are used everywhere, including many Olympic sports.  Unfortunately for Basov, he was not around to see their use in the 2014 games. 

All you have to do today is answer True or False.  Thomas Ulsrud...2014 Olympic Curler? 

Theme Week, Part Africa

Jeremy's Sametime Status Proudly Presents: 2014 Olympic Curling Athlete True or False Week!  
Day VIII:  Nikolay Basov


Wasn't he a pro wrestler?


You're thinking of Nokolai Volkov.  


Never mind then.  Theme Week continues today with another rousing installment of 2014 Olympic Curling Athlete True or False.  Today, Nikolay Basov!


All you have to do is tell us whether you think Nikolay is a 2014 Olympic Curler or...well...anything else.

Yesterday, we talked about Maria Wennerstroem.  Well...you'll be able to watch Maria on TV tomorrow, as she takes on Canada for Olympic Curling Gold.  That's right, Wennerstroem is the Second for Team Sweden who ousted a strong Swiss team in come-from-behind fashion earlier today, with 3 points in the game's final two ends.  Tune in at 8:30AM tomorrow to watch the 2014 Olympic Curling women's finals! 

Theme Week, Part Asia

Jeremy's Sametime Status Proudly Presents: 2014 Olympic Curling Athlete True or False Week!  Day VII:  Maria Wennerstroem 


Oddly similar to yesterday's.  Wonder if there's any connection.  If you know Jeremy, chances are really good that this one is in here for a reason.  All you have to do is guess what that reason is! 


So, Theme Week continues here today was Maria Wennerstroem.  Is Maria a 2014 Olympic Curler or not?  Let us know!

Yesterday's quiz was all about Hans-Erik Wennerström.  Almost the same last name, but do they have the same background?  Mans-Erik Wennerström was unfortunately NOT an Olympic Curling athlete.  He is one of the main antagonists in the first of the Millenium trilogy of novels by Steig Larsson, "The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo."  His vilification of protagonist Mikael Blomkvist is what prompts Blomkvist to go off on his adventures with Lisbeth Salander in the first place, setting the first story in motion.  Wennerström is later proven to be a total jerk and some repercussions happen.  No spoilers, even though there have already been two movies about this, so you really should have seen one of them by now. 

So...Hans-Erik Wennerström...total jerk and not an Olympic curler.  Maria Wennerstroem...distant relative and also a total jerk, or wholesome Olympic Curling athlete?  Decide now! 

Theme Week, Part Europe

Jeremy's Sametime Status Proudly Presents: 2014 Olympic Curling Athlete True or False Week!  VI:  Hans-Erik Wennerström


Every couple of years, something so important comes along that it can not be contained with a simple Theme Week.  When that happens, we here at Jeremy Is In The Office have little choice but to expand things into a Theme Fortnight!  We continue Olympic Theme Week today with a whole new week of 2014 Olympic Curling Athlete True or False.  Have fun!


So today's contestant is Hans-Erik Wennerström.  Your job is simple.  All you have to do is tell us whether Hans-Erik is a 2014 Olympic Curling medal hopeful or not.  Couldn't be easier.

As for last Friday, we introduced you to Jeanne Ellegaard.  Well, hopefully you said Jeanne was a 2014 Olympic Curler, because she is the Second for Team Denmark.  The Danes wrapped up round robin play with a 4-5 record, just shy of contention for the Medal round. 

Unfortunately for Ms. Ellegaard, her Olympics are over, but fortunately for you, Theme Week continues on.  Let's hear it for Hans-Erik Wennerström!

Theme Week, Part Green

Jeremy's Sametime Status Proudly Presents: 2014 Olympic Curling Athlete True or False Week!  
Day V:  Jeanne Ellegaard


Curling athlete or not, that is one amazing name.


Couldn't agree more, and that's one of the reasons Ms. Ellegaard was chosen to represent Theme Week today.  Only question is...2014 Olympic Curling Contestant, or not?  Let us know!

Yesterday, we were introduced to Bjorn Ulvaeus, though many of us have known him for quite some time.  Unfortunately, not for curling.

Bjorn, along with Benny Andersson make up the two B's in ABBA, with Agnetha Fältskog and Anni-Frid Lyngstad providing the A's.  The Stockholm-based Euro-pop group is one of the most popular musical groups in musical history, with their studiocompilation album "Gold" selling over 28 million copies by itself.  Ulvaeus and Andersson would also go on to create Broadway musicals "Chess" and "Mama Mia."  There is nothing to suggest that Ulvaeus couldn't be an Olympic-class curler, but he will not be competing in the 2014 games.

Theme Week continues next week with more Olympic Curling action! 

Theme Week, Part Yellow

Jeremy's Sametime Status Proudly Presents: 2014 Olympic Curling Athlete True or False Week!  
Day IV:  Bjorn Ulvaeus


On a snowy day in the Greater Jeremy Area, we happily continue Olympic Theme Week with Bjorn Ulvaeus.  Is Bjorn a medal hopeful, or somebody else?  Let us know! 


When we left off yesterday, we introduced you to Scott Carl Rechsteiner, a mere day after introducing you to John Landsteiner.  Similar names, but similar results? 

Well, no.  While John was an American curling competitor, Scott Carl Rechsteiner is a professional wrestler, working under the name "Scott Steiner."  He's probably most famous for his work in the old WCW as one half of the Steiner Brothers and also by his rather well deserved nickname "Big Poppa Pump". 

So, what say you about Bjorn Ulvaeus?

Theme Week, Part Red

Jeremy's Sametime Status Proudly Presents: 2014 Olympic Curling Athlete True or False Week!  
Day III:  Scott Carl Rechsteiner


That's right, folk.  Olympic Theme Week continues with another True or False.  All you need to do is decide whether or not today's person, Scott Carl Rechsteiner, is a 2014 Olympic Curling contestant or not.  


So yesterday, we took a look at John Landsteiner.  Maybe your answer yesterday will have an influence on your answer today?  Hmm. 

Either way, John Landsteiner is in fact the Lead for Team USA Curling 2014!  Based out of Duluth, Minnesota, Team USA is currently 1-3 in the standings, after getting off the Schneid with a 9-5 victory over Denmark earlier today.  The Danes took an early 3-0 lead, but the US stormed back with points in 4 straight ends (meaning two consecutive steals, which is impressive), and kept Denmark off the scoreboard again until the 9th.  Does Team USA have gold in their sights?  Are they too busy watching team Norway's pants?  We'll all find out as Curling continues. 

Theme Week, Part Black

Jeremy's Sametime Status Proudly Presents: 2014 Olympic Curling Athlete True or False Week!

Day II:  John Landsteiner

So yesterday, we successfully kicked off a rousing Olympic Theme Week with a quiz on Olympic curling athletes.  Today, we continue with John Landsteiner.  Is John a 2014 Olympic curling competitor or not?  Let us know!

Most people guessed correctly yesterday that Ekatarina Galkina is a member of the 2014 Russian Federation's curling team.  Whether they believed that there was no way I'd start off a Curling Theme Week with a non-curler, or whether they had seen any of the photos of Ms. Galkina Posted To The Internet in advance of the games (for all the wrong reasons, of course), they were correct.  

Galkina is the lead for Team Russia, who currently sit at 2-1 after a stunning defeat at the hands of the Chinese team who pulled off a 3-point eighth end earlier today.  Will Team Russia get back to their winning ways in their quest for Gold?  We'll all find out together as the Olympic Games...and more importantly, Theme Week continues!   

Theme Week, Part Blue

Jeremy's Sametime Status Proudly Presents: 2014 Olympic Curling Athlete True or False Week!   
Day I:  Ekaterina Galkina


Hello, everybody.  It's Olympics time again, and what better way to celebrate the winter games than with a Theme Week?  This week (and next!), we pay tribute to the great athletes competing for their countries in Sochi, Russia with a special Olympic quiz for fun and the Satisfaction Of Knowing You Did Your Best!  The rules are simple.  Every day, we'll post a name, and all you have to do (without looking it up), is tell Jeremy whether or not that person is a 2014 Winter Olympics Curling contestant.  That's it!  The athletes can be from any country competing in the games, and the other people will be whoever those other people are.  Have fun and good luck!  


Thanks, LIR.  We'll kick off this Olympic Curling Theme Week with Ekatarina Galkina.  Is she a 2014 Olympic Curler or not?  The answer, along with the next person's name, will be posted tomorrow.  

THEME WEEK!!!

As Some Point, Donald Trump Gets Involved

Hopefully, congress doesn’t have to vote on my tax refund

Can I vote Nay?  

As long as you understand that my not getting my tax refund will involve cuts to staff, including imaginary alter-personas.  

Yeah, like you pay me anyway. 

So it's that time of year again!  Tax season!  How very exciting.  Compiling a barrage of paperwork to figure out just how much of my money the government gets to keep.  Sure, I know that the government provides a ludicrous number of services in exchange for that money, and it seems like a lot when it's staring at you from a tax form, but all things considered, it's not so bad of a value.   

But it's still boring.

So I sat there for a couple hours doing my taxes and figured out just how much Uncle Sam and his state counterpart (whoever that may be) owe me.  Yes, I get a refund.  No, I can't change my exemptions any more to minimize that.  That's part of why I do my taxes early...so I'm not loaning the government money at 0% interest any longer than I absolutely have to.

Which brings me to my main joke.  I sincerely hope that congress doesn't have to vote on whether or not to pay out tax refunds.  First of all, it would get buried in committee for a couple months before a heavily modified version of the bill with several billion dollars worth of special interest projects for Wyoming tacked on ever made it to the floor of the house.  Then, it gets debated as to just how much my tax refund is going to hurt American jobs and how environmentally irresponsible is was of me to use electricity to complete my tax forms, and why should I get a tax refund when other people don't even pay federal income taxes.  

Should it ever get passed there, it moves on to the Senate where my tax refund gets hung up by people opposed to the Wyoming riders added to the bill, and there's more debate about how those riders are going to hurt American jobs and how irresponsible it was for the House to add all that special interest money to a measly tax refund bill, which is now known as the "Enhancement of Heritage Happiness Act," or, Ehh. 

One full Sunday News Talk Show Cycle later, a modified version of the bill without the Wyoming parts gets voted on, approved without a single minority vote and returned to the House.  There, it gets pushed back to committee, since the House can not approve a bill like this without Wyoming being included.  The bill dies in the House, and I don't get my tax refund.

Curling Starts 2/10

So the Olympics start today, but the opening ceremony is tomorrow.  Who else is confused?

Well, you shouldn't be.  It all comes down to money.  

Of course.  Since the broadcast networks want to squeeze every last dollar out of you, the viewing public, that they can, they not only spread the games out an extra day or two, but also make sure to tape delay anything you may want to watch so they can show it in prime time and get more money out of the advertisers....who of course pass the savings on to you.  

So yes...Olympic events are happening as you read this.  People have already won heats and skated programs.  Snowboard, freestyle skiing and figure skating are on the schedule today, and the Opening Ceremony is on the schedule for tomorrow.  Oh, and lest you think you'll be watching the procession live...forget it.  Tape Delay.  

It's a little anticlimactic, sure.  Also a little inconvenient that you'll have to subject yourself to a bit of a media blackout prior to watching your favorite event, or else risking spoilers.  Failing that, you can get up at some stupid hour of the morning to watch certain things broadcast live...like every hockey game!  

Incidentally, starting monday, we'll be doing a delightful Olympic Theme Week for fun and no prizes!  Stay tuned for that. 

Jeremy Never Thinks About Dignity

Silly Bob Seger.  “Less bolder” doesn’t make any sense

And because Rock and Roll Never Forgets, you're not going to let anyone forget about this lyric?

That's right.   

Today's Sametime Status deals with the 1976 Bob Seger classic "Rock and Roll Never Forgets."  It's a song about...uhmm...well, I don't remember.  

Awful joke.  Just awful.

The first line of the song is as follows, "So you're a little bit older and a lot less bolder than you used to be."  This is nonsense.  Less bolder?  Adding the suffix "er" to something means to make it more of whatever the adjective was in the first place.  This seems to completely counteract the adverb "less" in the same sentence...in fact, merely one word before.  So, is this person the same amount of bold now than they used to be?  Or is the even more superfluous "a lot" quantifier mean that the less is more less than the "er" is more?  I'm confused.  

Not the first time you've been confused about something, Jeremy.  You're also now confusing everyone else. 

So anyway, I guess I'm asking Bob Seger for a little clarification here.  So, how about it, Bob?  Leave a comment with the link below.  Thank you in advance.  

Thanks, NFL

Any football fans looking to convert to Hockey after that?

Hockey doesn't draw the same commercial revenue, even if the football commercials are as bad as they were yesterday. 

Very true, but doesn't change the original premise.  

It's been a little while since there's been a good old-fashioned beat down at the Super Bowl.  It may surprise you to learn that you have to go back to 2003 to find a Super Bowl decided by more than 2 touchdowns, but it wasn't always that way.  Back in the 80s and 90s, 20+ point spankings were basically commonplace with scores such as 55-10, 52-17, and 38-9 more the norm than the exception.  Yikes.   

Well, last night brought us back to those days, with the Seattle Seahawks putting a 35-point feel-good whooping on a Denver Broncos team that apparently decided they just had better things to do than play football that day.  

Not only was the game itself a total letdown after the 2 solid weeks of pre-game show dominating sports commentary since the teams were decided, but the Halftime show was marginal at best, the National Anthem came in well under the Vegas line, Joe Namath actually managed to screw up a coin toss, and the list of celebrities in attendance was highlighted by Kevin Costner.  I didn't stick around to watch the post-game show, but I'm willing to bet that stunk, too.  Even the vaunted Super Bowl Commercials, the last bastion of football entertainment, let us down with some really lousy commercials, 21 of which were for either cars or crappy beer.  Incidentally, 2 of those car commercials were for a Maserati that I won't be able to afford regardless of how much they advertise on a football game, so that's money right down the pan. 

All of this leads to the conclusion that this year's Super Bowl experience was lousy.  Fortunate that this happened right in the middle of the NHL season, and right before the Olympic hockey tournament goes into full swing.  So, for all of you who have been successfully disenfranchised with supposedly the best football had to offer us this year, I suggest giving hockey a try.