Becaue There's Nothing Else To Eat In Buffalo?

I would so remarkably lose the Kale Eating Championship  

Very true.  Jeremy has zero training in competitive eating, although he does home some remarkable personal records in eating bags of cheese flavored popcorn or just about any flavor Doritoes.  

My personal aptitude for competitive eating notwithstanding, there is a far more important reason that I would not win a Kale Eating Championship.  

Kale sucks.  

I don't know who invented this affront to food, but I would like to find them and kick them square in the pants.  Imagine eating a bowl full of torn up fine-grit sandpaper.  You've now successfully visualized what it's like to eat kale.  You've probably heard that eating kale is very healthy for you, and that's true.  It's true because you expend a week's worth of calories chewing the crap you just put in your mouth before you're in any position to even try to swallow.  Of course, the flavor makes it all worth it, right?  Not as such.  The flavor of kale is somewhere in between your front lawn and the aforementioned sandpaper, without all of the landscaping benefits of eating your front lawn.  

Not long ago, the city of Buffalo, New York held "Kale Yeah," a competitive kale eating contest in which competitors actually wanted to eat kale.  They were given bowls of indeterminate size (indeterminate because I got sick of trying to find out how big they were) full of kale mixed with olive oil and spices.  They then had to consume as many bowls of this garbage as they could in the allotted indeterminate (see above) amount of time.  

The "winner" was a man by the name of Gideon "The Truth" Oji, the tenth ranked competitive eater in the world.  There is just so much wrong with that sentence, I can't believe I just typed it.  He made his way through 25 1/2 bowls of kale on his way to the championship.  His prize for winning?  $2000.  

Totally worth it. 

Look, Kids! Big Ben...Parliament!

Do we really need 4 auto parts stores within 10 miles on the same road?  

Well, if your car breaks down, how far do you really want to walk to get to an auto parts store?  This actually seems a little sparse if you look at it that way.  

So, most of you know by now that I work as an engineer.  Many people misunderstand what this means.  They think I can build anything, understand all things mechanical, and can fix anything that happens to break.  Most of this is not true.  I'm only mildly competent at building things (ask me how my circular tchotchke stand is coming together), I have a rudimentary understanding of machines, and can fix a number of things that I would consider slightly above average.  These things are not what engineering is all about.  That said, one of the things that I roughly never fix by myself is my car.  

I know how to take the wheels off, to change a tire or whatnot, I can find and fill a majority of the consumable fluids, I can take the wiper blades off, and I'm pretty sure I've changed a headlight, but that's about it.  Because of this, I have precious little use for auto parts stores.  I'm not the target market for them.

So, the fact that there is an auto parts store within a mile of my house is all but lost on me.  I've bought things there, to be sure...some cleaning products, the aforementioned wiper blades, and a new battery when the one I had died (they installed it for me...but I probably could have done that myself if need be).  But overall, my shadow does not spend an awful lot of time darkening the door of that particular location.  This is not because the location is inconvenient.  

It was announced not long ago that a segment of land not far from my house was going to be developed for business.  Often, this is a very exciting time, as some new store or restaurant will be joining the local economy and offering me new places to buy stuff and/or have dinner.  It was significantly less exciting when it was announced that the businesses that would be setting up shop in that locale were going to be a franchise location of a chain of low-priced buffet style restaurants (which we'll refer to, for strictly Blag purposes as "Aurelian Paddock"), and an auto parts store.  Seriously?  It's less than two miles from the existing auto parts store.  

Less than 8 miles in the other direction from the original auto parts store, on the exact same road as the aforementioned auto parts stores, there is an auto parts store.  We are now entering overkill country.  

All that having been said...I was driving along this particular stretch of road (In between the two southernmost auto parts stores) and I passed a plaza that I have passed many times.  A dance club at the end of the plaza was closed and demolished a couple years ago, and has been a dirt patch ever since, but recently had started to see some construction-type action.  This time around, I saw a "Coming Soon" sign, telling me what exciting new business opportunity was being added to the location.  And guess what is about to be coming to the site!  

An auto parts store.  

There you have it.  Within 10 miles on a single stretch of road in the Greater Jeremy Area, there will soon be no fewer than 4 auto parts stores...and I'm pretty sure at least two of them are from the same chain.  

In case you're wondering, this is, in fact, the same stretch of road that has no fewer than 6 (and I think it's actually 8 now) Doughnut Franchises in roughly the same distance.

Don't Be Next

Attention rodents:  Just keep going and I won’t run over you  

So, while he's been away and slacking off, Jeremy's been doing his best to control the rodent population in the Greater Jeremy Area.  Spoiler Alert: He still has a ways to go.

Another way to look at it is that in the last week, I've tripled my career body count of animals I've run over.  It's true, and maybe even a little surprising, that in all the time I've been operating vehicles up until about a week ago, I have managed to only (to my knowledge) kill one squirrel.  I actively try to not run over animals, partially out of my respect for nature, and partially out of a lack of desire to clean animal guts off my car.  The squirrel happened some time ago on the road leading down to my apartment complex.  It was at mildly traumatic for me, but admittedly more so for the squirrel.  At least the squirrel didn't have very long to think about it, as he was pretty well totaled in the blink of an eye.

Anyway...fast forward to a week ago, and my animal count went up by one in an unexpected and at least mildly impressive way.  I was riding my bike on a local linear park when up ahead, I see a chipmunk making his way across the trail.  He was at least 3/4 of the way across, in no danger whatsoever, when he notices me riding along.  Instead of continuing along his path, he freaks out, turns 180 degrees around and starts to run back where he came from...ultimately running right under my bike tire.  Minus one chipmunk.  

Two days ago, I was driving my car on a local road, when up ahead, I see a small woochuck making his way across the road.  He was at least 3/4 of the way across, in no danger whatsoever, when he notices me driving along.  Instead of continuing along his path, he freaks out, turns 180 degrees around and starts to run back where he came from...ultimately running right under my car tire.  Minus one woodchuck.  

So, it's clear the lesson to be learned here.  Stupid rodents running across paved paths should just keep going toward their destination.  They'll be perfectly fine.  It's only when they start to second guess themselves and turn around to run back that they get themselves in trouble.