More of a Guideline than a Rule

Guidelines For Harmonious Living #10: If there are 14 empty treadmills, go ahead and leave at least one between you and me


This is just basic common sense here, Jeremy. The same rules apply in the bathroom. Everyone knows this.


Apparently not. I'm pretty sure I've ranted about this sort of thing before, but I can't be bothered to look it up. Either way, it apparently needs to be said, because some people just don't get it.

Here's the thing, Gym People. It's nothing personal...I just don't like you. One of the main reasons I go to the gym in the morning is that it's significantly less crowded than it is after work. This means I can go upstairs to the little cardio balcony, do my treadmill thing and have done with it. I'm not interested in standing around talking about treadmills or whose diet plan you're following, or where Jimmy is today, or what you plan on doing at the gym that day. Leave me alone. You go do your thing, I'll do mine, and we'll be happy. I'm not interested in finding out if we have things in common other than the fact that we both put up with treadmills at some unseemly hour of the morning. It's not you...it's me. Strictly speaking, it's probably you, but I'm willing to take the fall for it this time.

To this end, if it's at all possible, I like to take a treadmill (or other piece of equipment, but you get the idea) that's at least slightly removed from other Gym People. Since I don't want you standing around while I'm doing my little gerbil run, I'm going to assume you don't want me standing around while you do your little gerbil run. Given the fact that there are no fewer than 17 treadmills on the upper deck, this usually isn't much of an issue. But apparently, other people don't see things my way.

Not long ago, I head upstairs, and ONLY stations 15 and 16 are occupied, so I head all the way down to the other end and hop on the 5th treadmill from the left. I don't want to be on the end, and I still leave people plenty of room on both sides if they wish...and there are currently 14 empty treadmills. Four to my left and NINE consecutive slots to the right. Some other person comes up the stairs, surveys the situation and plops herself directly on door #4. Seriously? Even if you leave a gap of one treadmill around anyone, there are still ten non-obnoxious options you could have chosen, but instead you do this. This is why I don't like you.


Chicken and egg, really. You don't want them there because you don't like them, and you don't like them because they're there.


Whatever my reasons, they're perfectly valid, and the world should adjust to them. Especially in the morning, when I'm cranky.

Seriously, we're all better off

Guidelines For Harmonious Living #9: Pants first, then newspaper


People still read newspapers?


It happens on occasion. People actually get their daily information from somewhere other than the Internets. Also on occasion, people will decide that the best place to read their newspaper in the gym locker room. Why this is, I have absolutely no idea...it goes against various social conventions, but whatever.


You come in, you shower, you get dressed, you leave. That's about it.


Exactly...but this one guy decides to sit there reading his paper. I'm not going to judge.


But you'll write a Blag entry condemning him?


I will write a Blag entry condemning his decision to sit there reading his newspaper before he put any pants on. Seriously, guy? You have better things to do right here. Put the pants on, then break out the newspaper.