Maybe This One Is Stretchy

No, random person at the gas station.  That pump’s hose isn’t longer than the other one


Well, depends on your margin for measurement error.  It's entirely possible that those types of things are not measured much down below the nearest centimeter or so.  With that, it's pretty much a guarantee that one is longer than the other...just not significantly so.  


While that's all very true, it certainly would not have helped with the situation I had the pleasure of witnessing recently.

So, not long ago, I needed to get gas for my car.  As I often do, I stopped off at the gas station that's on my way home from work.  It's convenient, the prices are usually totally decent, and they don't charge more for using a credit card, which is a rare and special gift in the Greater Jeremy Area.  It was also rush hour.  This means that the place was jam packed and I had to wait in line for a fuel pump.  No big deal.  I should mention at this point that in this station there are four fueling stations, roughly arranged in a square pattern, each of which can be accessed from either side, for a total of 8 available pumps. 

One of the greatest inventions in the history of mankind is that little arrow next to the fuel indicator in your car that tells you which side of the car the fuel door is on.  No matter how familiar you are with the car you happen to be driving at that particular time, you can very easily discern which side of a fuel pump you should be on in order to put gas in the car. 

Nobody explained this concept to the person in front of me in line for the fuel pump. 

This person pulls up to the pump and gets out of the car to begin pumping gas.  She takes the hose out of the holder and turns around to look at her car...unfortunately noticing that the inlet is on the other side.  Undeterred, she begins to walk around the back of the car, fuel hose in hand, attempting to reach the hose across the entire width of the car and dispense the gas on the opposite side.  Unfortunately for her, the hose was not long enough, and she was out of luck.  Putting the hose back into the pump's holder, she reenters the car to begin again. 

The following 30 seconds were the greatest moment of my week. 

She pulls her car directly forward to the more forward pump in the same line, with the car's gas cap STILL facing away from the pump.  She then exits the vehicle and takes the hose out of the second pump.  Walking across the back of the car, she attempts to reach the hose across the entire width of the car and dispense gas on the opposite side.  Shockingly enough, she failed the second time as well. 

HOW COULD YOU THINK THIS WAS GOING TO WORK?!  YOU'RE DRIVING THE SAME CAR, THE HOSE IS THE SAME, AND YOU'RE STILL FACING THE WRONG WAY!  OF COURSE IT WAS GOING TO BE TOO SHORT!  WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU!?! 

Sadly, many of mankind's greatest inventions go unused due to people being unaware of their existence, stubbornness to admit that they did something wrong, and/or sheer rampant stupidity.  The poor little white arrow in this woman's car which faithfully shows which side the gas cap is on could only hopelessly point to the right while silently weeping.

Better Than "Rotted Driftwood" I guess

Even the rental cars are bigger in Texas  


Welcome back, Jeremy.  How was your trip?  


It was a real hootenanny.


In case you're wondering, Jeremy has been on a business trip to Texas for the last little while.  Nobody there used the word hootenanny.  


All of that is true, and at least half of that is entirely depressing.


And Jeremy stole a car, so that's a thing...


I did nothing of the sort!  I provided myself a free upgrade. 

So, when you fly into one of the largest airports in the country and need to rent a car, there really needs to be an efficient system in place for that sort of thing, since the folks there are dealing with a significantly higher than average volume of people looking for rental cars.  Such was the case at the airport I flew into at the start of my trip.  The efficient system that has been developed at that particular airport is to place all of the rental cars in a large parking garage, leaving the keys inside, and directing the customers to simply walk to an area of the garage designated for their tier of reserved car.  The customer then picks out whichever car they want from that area, and customer service agents scan the barcodes and such on the way out.  This is all well and good. 

I was directed to the "Gold" section of the garage, which is where the small-to-mid-range levels of cars that I'm allowed to rent are parked.  Seems like a bit of a misnomer, since there would have to be like...platinum, ruby, emerald, diamond, and depleted uranium levels to cover all of the upgrades I'm not allowed to have which would ostensibly be placed above "Gold" but that's neither here nor there.  I find that the Gold section takes up the entirety of two rows of cars, most of which are totally reasonable mid-sized cars.  I select one and stick my head in the door to retrieve the keys, only to be immediately gassed out by the remains of voluminous cigarette smoke.  I promptly close the door and move across the aisle to another car of the same make, but that I recognized as a higher-tiered model.  The inside smelled fine. 

After verifying at least three times that this car was indeed parked in a "Gold" space in the "Gold" aisle, I place my stuff in the trunk and make for the exit.  The attendant scans my license to look up my reservation, and immediately looks confused.  He asks if I got the car from "Gold" and I pointed to the row where it was parked, even informing him of the parking space number I found it in.  He goes back to his computer and remains confused.  He comes back and asks if I located the car in some form of "special prestige reserved" section or some crap...I once again explain that it was in the "Gold" row, once again pointing to the row and space where the car had been located.  He returns to his computer.  He comes back and says, "This wasn't in a special prestige reserved space?  It was Gold?  It was reserved for somebody else."  I explain for a third time that the car was parked in space number 502, which is the third space in the Gold row, that it was parked next to that silver one right over there (pointing), and asked if I should return it there and pick out a new one.  The guy says it's okay, that he'll change the other person's reservation to a different car, and that I was all set. 

So, at the end of the trip, I get my receipt from the rental car company, and sure enough.  My reservation was for a "C" class car (which, apparently "C" stands for "Gold" and the system goes to F at the very least...I don't get it), and the receipt says that I rented an "F" class car.  I don't know what the frig F stands for, but it's clearly better than C.  I was charged the C class rate, since that's what I reserved, so I got a free upgrade!  I also find myself entirely convinced that Gold is highly undervalued in the lexicon of this particular rental car company. 

I Need A Siren

Snow tires are off, and war on Mother Nature has been declared!  

Once again, Jeremy is foolish enough to poke the Weather Bear.  The next great blizzard of 2017 should be just around the corner.  War Were Declared

I really don't think it's as bad as all that.  I believe I stated yesterday that it's Spring.  I also did a modicum of research. 

By that, of course, I mean I looked at the weather forecast for the next week, and didn't see any snow and at least one day of 70+degree temperatures.  Therefore, nuts to winter!  I took the snow tires off of my car!  I also had a free hour in which to do it, and that was quite possibly my last chance for a little while, so I took advantage of the opportunity.  It was quite honestly a nice day for it, as well. 

What I'm never quite fully prepared for is just how dirty the job is. 

Sure, this whole cleanliness thing was exacerbated by a minor injury I suffered at the hands of a plumbing project I had completed the day before.  So, as it turns out, when you have threading on a standard copper pipe, for example the kind of copper pipe that you screw a bathtub spout and diverter onto, those threads can be remarkably sharp and can cut through the skin of your thumb rather easily while you're applying teflon tape.  But that's beside the point entirely. 

So, I had a bandaid on my thumb while I'm changing the tires on my car, and that didn't really last all that long.  As soon as that bandaid slips a little bit and you get an entire winter's worth of road grime and brake dust underneath it, all of its adhesive properties go right by the wayside, and you spend more time trying to keep the bandaid on your thumb whlie spinning lug nuts than you do spinning the stupid lug nuts. 

All of that having been said, I completed my task, bum finger and all, and officially declared war on that bitter old crank, Mother Nature.  I've traded my gas mileage for a lack of traction in the snow...let's see what she does about that. 

Not So Worthless Now, Huh, Jeremy?

Whew…Good thing there are three auto parts stores within 4 miles of each other

Hang on just a second here, Jeremy.  I believe you mentioned Not All That Long Ago that this was not such a great idea.  

Well, as it turns out, I was entirely wrong.  When you take certain things into account.  

So, not long ago, I came to the realization that both of the fog lamps on my car had burned out.  My car is nearly 6 years old and has all of its original fog and head lamps, so I figure they don't owe me anything, so I'll just set about replacing them.  This is where things take a turn.  

If you walk into an auto parts store like the one 3 miles from my house, you will quickly be greeted by a reasonably substantial wall of light bulbs, suitable for any car and price range.  There are basic bulbs, krypton, xenon, LED, Long Life, High Output...just lots and lots of options in lots and lots of shapes.  I decide that if I'm going to replace bulbs for my car, I'm going to replace them with good ones, so I look to the upper racks.  I use the book to find out what number fog lamps my car takes.   For what it's worth, my car needs "H7" fog lamps.   None of the three best options for light bulbs have an "H7" on the racks.  There's a Basic "H7," but I've already made up my mind that I don't want that, and I know that there is another auto parts store 2 miles to the north, so I walk out of the store which, for strictly Blag purposes, we'll call "Car Area".  

I drive 2 miles north to the next auto parts store near the mall.  Strangely enough, it's another "Car Area" franchise.  Feeling slightly less optimistic, I walk in looking for H7 in a high-quality fog lamp.  Hooray!  There it is!  In both of the top two options.  The price is pretty reasonable, so I decide to go for it.  

The problem is, when you buy bulbs of a higher quality than the lesser ones, they advertise and even celebrate the fact that they aren't the same color as regular bulbs.  Unless I want my car to look stupid, having different color fog lamps and headlights, I need to replace the headlight bulbs, too.  Not too big a deal...the headlights are also 6 years old and probably running on borrowed time themselves.  So, back to the book I go to find the matching headlights to the fog lamps that I picked out.  H8!  

Guess what head lights "Car Area" doesn't carry.  

I know that there is another auto parts store 2 miles to the north, so I walk out of "Car Area" and head on up to "Progressforward Auto Parts."   I scour the rack looking for all of the bulbs I need.  Right out in front, there's the H8 in the exact brand and model that I was looking for some 5 minutes ago.  I grab the H8 headlights off the rack and seek out the matching H7 fog lamps.  

Guess what fog lamps "Progressforward Auto Parts" doesn't carry.  

So, I buy the H8s, and head back south to the northernmost "Car Area" to pick up the H7s.  Four stops in three auto parts stores later, I finally have a matched set of quality headlights and fog lamps.  This type of nonsense really should be easily avoided by having any of the auto parts stores I visited actually carry the full array of light bulbs, but this is apparently too much to ask for.  At least all of the stores are ridiculously close to each other. 

Now With Flavor!

I have no idea what my car will smell like  

Well, if it's new, you should have a pretty good idea.  New Car scent is a patented thing. 

Yeah, my car's not new.  I rely on little vent-mounted air freshener thingies to keep control of my car's smell now.   

So, it should smell like the air freshener thingy, shouldn't it? 

And therein lies the problem.  

I've gotten the same air freshener thingy for the last...oh, I have no idea...at least a year based on an event I remember where the topic came up.  Well, I'm sad to say that I have been unable to locate that particular scent of thingy in my searches over the last two weeks, so I was forced to switch to a new flavor.  

No, I'm not tasting the thingies.  

Anyway, the new one is called "Greek Seascape" or some crap like that which is supposed to make me think of exotic locales and gently wafting breezes and not the dead fish which also happen on any seascape.  It seemed at least reasonably harmless based on the available choices, most of which were based on one form of laundry soap or another.  And I don't really want my car smelling like laundry.  

Anyway, one of the features of this particular brand of air freshener thingy that I enjoyed were the little scratch and sniff stickers they placed on the packaging so you could tell in advance what the scent was before committing to having your car smell like this for the next month.  It was one of the methods I used to determine that "Fresh Citrus" was a good smell for my car.  Well, in the name of corporate profits, the company no longer puts these stickers on the box.  I have no idea what "Greek Seascape" or whateverthecrapitreallyis smells like.  

I guess I'll find out after work when I go out to my car.  Here's hoping it's decent.