Is It for Temperature Control?

How much do you have to love football to be the guy on Sunday squirting water into the players’ mouths?  

It would be amazing if that guy made more money than you.

He probably does, but for the good of the entire world, I certainly hope not.  

So, you've all seen this guy.  He has what has to be the worst job in the entire NFL.  He stands there on the sidelines holding a towel and two water bottles.  When players come from the field to the sidelines, he hands them the towel so they can wipe their heads, and then the players stare off into space and open their mouth while our hero squirts water into it.  That's his job.  He quirts water into people's mouths so they don't have to do it themselves.  

This is nonsense.  

These are some of the largest and most powerful athletes in the entire sporting world.  They're capable of bench pressing me.  I have to believe that their grips are strong enough to compress a water bottle enough to get a drink.  Yet, the team has a guy...presumably a paid position...who's sole job it is to squirt water at people.  It completely baffles me why the professional athletes are incapable of getting a drink of water by themselves.  I do it all the time, and I'm only am amateur. 

So, here you have a guy who I'm going to assume has his pick of what he wants to do for a living.  He chooses to work for an NFL team because he likes football.  He clearly can't be one of the players, perhaps not ready for the front office yet, got cut from the grounds-keeping crew, working his way up to being a trainer perhaps...and the only job left for him is water boy.  He sticks it out, just so he can say he works for an NFL team and gets his 2 1/2 seconds of air time on national TV when he's squirting water into a star player's mouth.  I can't imagine what it is about this job that keeps this guy coming back week after week.  The only thing that could even begin to explain it is a deep-seeded love of football and the chance to get into the games for free every weekend.  

Fat Stacks, But Over Time

If you’re reading this, you didn’t win either

I'm pretty sure I won at least a couple bucks by not playing.  

For those who enjoy living in caves, last week marked the highest lottery jackpot in American history.  Like so many other lemmings, I threw some money at tickets for the thing.  Basically, the logic was as follows:  I'm not going to win, but I can at least sleep tonight knowing that I gave it the ol' college try.  

None of us won.  

Let's be realistic here.  If I won 600-some million dollars, I wouldn't be writing this Blag anymore.  This whole thing came about by having to explain my instant messenger's status far too often.  If I win 600 million bucks, I won't be working anymore.  If I'm not working, I don't have to use the instant messenger.  If I don't use the instant messenger, I don't have to change the status.  If I don't change the status, there's nothing to explain, so no Blag.  It's a little sad to think about, but I simply wouldn't be doing this anymore.

You're in the same boat, as loyal readers.  If you won 600 million dollars, you're too busy fielding phone calls from long lost relatives who want to reconnect, old grade school friends who have great new business ideas, and charities who know who's new to the disposable income game.  You wouldn't be sitting around reading amateur comedy blags.  Unless, of course, you've decided that your new business venture with all of your new-found wealth is that of a sitcom producer looking for the next hot new talent...at which point, by all means, use the comment section here to get in touch with me.

Now...all that said...I came closer than you did to winning 600 million dollars last week.  I came closer to winning the lottery last week than I have in my entire life, and that spans all 3 or 4 times I've played the lottery.  I actually did have 4 of the 6 numbers right, on the same ticket no less, which entitled me to a nice dinner's worth of winnings, but a far cry from the obscene sum I was looking for when I bought the tickets.  So, bottom line...yes, I won some money in the lottery, no it's not enough to bother mugging me in the parking lot, yes I'm still working and coming up with great new Sametime Statuses for your entertainment, yes I want you all to come back tomorrow.  Money hasn't changed me.

This is embarassing

Somebody may now explain to me why I know what "GTL" stands for.


Because you're entertained by morons and insipid wastes of space, time, and cable bandwidth masquerading as TV shows?


While the former may be entirely true for short periods at a time, the latter is most certainly not true.


Watching Jerry Springer is a guilty pleasure of yours.


I guess that's a point as well...but it's different. Anyway, the "GTL" thing was used to describe some of the folks playing at a recent volleyball tournament. It was not used in a complimentary sense.


So since the Blag here is for Edutaining purposes, why don't you tell us what it means.


So apparently, if you're a moron with no life and an extremely overdeveloped sense of self, your daily routine (instead of going to a job or making some other actual contribution to society) involves going to the gym, going to a tanning salon, and going to the laundromat. Gym, Tan, Laundry. That's a full day, right there.

Let the bidding begin!

Jeremy is once again an Undrafted Free Agent


Who exactly is supposed to draft you?


Well, that's not really important. What is important is that YET another draft has come and gone without my name being called. The NHL draft was held last Friday, and instead of starting my hockey career, I'll still be doing my normal job.


Well, you're not eligible for the NHL draft anyway...it's only for 18 and 19 year olds.


Hardly the point.


Also, your career stats aren't quite up to par with the other draftees. Zero Goals and zero Assist to go along with zero Penalty Minutes in zero Games Played. Not what the scouts are looking for.


Which is why I'd make a perfect sleeper pick!

Buy my album!

Now eligible for the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame


Congratulations, Jeremy. I hope you get in this time...I know you've felt snubbed the last few years, what with never putting out an album of really anything...ever...but I'm sure it's going to happen for you now.


Halls of Fame suck.

In a world where we pay way too much attention and money to things that really don't matter (sports, movies, etc...), celebrities have become so absurdly obsessed with themselves and their accomplishments that it's getting a little weird. My main issue with this type of nonsense is, of course, awards ceremonies. I just saw a commercial saying that the Grammy awards were coming up. That's for music...but wasn't there a whole bunch of ruckus about Taylor Swift's acceptance speech being interrupted not all that long ago? Isn't she a musician? So maybe I'm wrong here, but if we very recently had an awards show for musicians, why are we now having another awards show for musicians? Apparently, musicians have nothing better to do than get dressed up and receive award after award for the same song. If they're so bored, how's about coming over to my place and shoveling the driveway or something?


You couldn't afford that.


Building on this premise, the ultimate awards ceremony is the Hall of Fame. People gather in a building to look at a non-stop award to somebody for a job well done. Be it somebody who used to be good at Baseball, Football, Hockey, Lacrosse (It's in Baltimore, don't bother looking it up), Curling (also not making it up...Orleans, Ontario), Polka (Euclid, OH), or being a Robot (Pittsburgh, PA). Seriously? Fricking HAL 9000 is in a Hall of Fame?!?!

The main purpose for Halls of Fames' existance is so that they can hold induction ceremonies. Yes...an awards show. It's a great way to bring in people who are interested in seeing somebody or something they admire in person getting an award. This works out well for the Hall of Fame because people actually come to the place they normally wouldn't go to and spend money that they normally would spend elsewhere. Aside from Induction Ceremony Day, Halls of Fame barely exist. The inherent issue here is that invariably, Halls of Fame run out of people worth inducting. Since they MUST hold an induction ceremony to make money, SOMEBODY has to get elected and inducted every year. To that end, they decide to induct somebody who had been passed over previously, since people apparently get an indeterminate number of tries to get elected, or somebody who's not quite up to the previous standard of quality required for election. All that really happens is over the years, the quality of the Hall of Fame and the prestige associated with being inducted is decreased.

This week brought news that the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in Cleveland, OH is lowering their election standards because they've run out of worthy people to induct. Rather than accept that there aren't any good bands left who are induction-worthy, it is apparently more important to the Hall of Fame to hold an induction ceremony, so they will elect a lesser band. Good job! You've officially sold out.

Maybe I'll start a Sell-Out Hall of Fame....