Culinary Crime

I need to buy eggs, but I don’t want to look suspicious

You always look suspicious.  I don't trust you around my goldfish.

You have a goldfish?  

Of course.  I'm allergic to cats.

So anyway, today's Sametime Status is brought to you by my breakfast.  I made french toast recently because I wanted to make a nice breakfast, but only had one egg in the house.  Then there was that whole snowstorm thing you may have heard about which prevented me from going to the store.  Long story short, my house is entirely devoid of eggs, so there will be no french toast, omelets or Eggs Benedict until further notice.

You make Eggs Benedict?

Just because I haven't doesn't mean I can't.  

So here we are today, the roads are clear and most of the stores around are open again (Word is that the local WalMart was even closed when they lost power) and I should hit the grocery store.  I didn't lose power long enough to have all of my food spoil...I just need a couple things.  One of those things would be the aforementioned eggs.  Problem is, I live in a constant state of fear that cashiers at the grocery store (or any other store, for that mater) and today is Halloween.  I'm pretty sure that every grocery cashier who scans a carton of eggs today will just assume that those eggs are destined for somebody's front door.  I don't want them to assume I'm going to be vandalizing somebody's house when all I want is a scrambled egg.  

I'll just have to wait and buy groceries tomorrow. 

It would be bad

I live in a constant state of fear of dropping my keys down a sewer grate


Yeah, I suppose that would be a bad thing. So what's for lunch?


It's not even so much a fear, but a ridiculously all-consuming paranoia. Being a creature of habit, I have a specific way of locking my car, folding the keychain over, and tucking it into my pocket. I do this several times a day, and I don't think I've ever dropped my fob or keys while doing it. However, if I have the misfortune of parking near a sewer, I have a series of things that I do. I stare directly at the sewer the entire time I'm passing it, I make a substantial detour so that I do not come within 5 feet of the sewer, I make sure the keys are in my pocket, and I put my hand in my pocket to hold on to the keys until I'm safely past.

This may seem like overkill to some of you...and it probably is, but the simple fact is that I have never dropped my keys into an open sewer. How many of you can say the same?


Just about everyone, I would imagine.


In fact...I'd like to hear just the opposite. If anyone has amusing stories about dropping their keys in a hard-to-reach locale, let the world know! It'll be fun!