I'd Guess 30 Concerts, Minimum

If you’re wanted, should you really be going around rocking a million faces?  


For today's Blag, Jeremy will once again be calling into question the lyrics to Jon Bon Jovi's song "Wanted Dead or Alive."  


It's not my fault the lyrics never make any sense.

So here we have a guy who claims to be wanted dead or alive, which is a pretty serious legal status to be in.  It's never made clear what Mr. Jovi did to attain this status, but it's probably pretty safe to say that you don't get to be wanted dead or alive for tearing the tags off of your pillows.  You have to commit some pretty heinous act to reach this level of being wanted. 

So what does he do with his time while hiding from the law?  He plays guitar concerts for a million people. 

This is dumb. 

One would assume that if the police and perhaps some other less savory types are looking for you with no concern for your well-being, the last thing you would want to do is be spotted by a large number of strangers.  You should lay low and live off the grid as much as possible. Make yourself completely anonymous to anyone but a few of your closest and most trusted friends and advisors.  I mean...I'm guessing here...I don't actually have any practical experience being a fugitive. 

It just makes sense that any one of the million people whose faces were rocked by one of Mr. Jovi's concerts might be able to recognize him and alert any of the people who are out looking for him.  It really seems like the surest way to get captured...dead or alive. 

Geographically, or Chronologically

Are Strawberry Hill, Blueberry Hill, and Solsbury Hill all near other?  

I would guess not.  Fats Domino and the Red House Painters were both American, but Peter Gabriel was British.  I would assume they draw from different inspirations.  

So, today's Status deals with three vastly different songs.  

First off is the entirely depressing Alternative Rock song "Strawberry Hill" by Red House Painters.  The song's lyrics make reference to California, so we can reasonably safely say that the hill lies there.

Moving on to Solsbury Hill, and this one's a little easier.  The song is about a spiritual journey of some sort to the top of the aforementioned hill, which is near Bath in England.  Peter Gabriel would often walk on that hill, which partially gave inspiration to the song.  Gabriel himself was going on a spiritual journey of his own at the time, having just begun his solo music career after being in Genesis.  

Finally, Blueberry Hill...where one is said to find their thrill.  The song's lyrics were originally written by Larry Stock and Ed Lewis and many many versions of it were recorded.  Probably the most famous version is that made by Fats Domino in 1956.  While everybody seems to know where to find their thrill, nobody seems to actually know where that might be.  There are at least 16 different acknowledged Blueberry Hills in the United States, across 7 states.  None of which are confirmed to be the location of said thrills.  The best advice I can give you is that if you're looking for your thrill, find one of the Blueberry Hills, start climbing, and hope for the best. 

I Need Answers!

We never really got a lot of backstory on Molly Malone


Didn't she marry that Sam guy on the TV show with the bar?  


Wrong Malone.

So anyway, today's Status refers to the Irish folk song "Molly Malone."  You've all heard it, regardless of how Irish you are outside of March 17th.  It's the one which goes "Alive alive Oh!  Alive alive Oh!  Cockles and Mussels alive Oh!"  From the song, which is something of an unofficial anthem of Dublin and has even resulted in an aesthetically questionable bronze status of the fictional heroine, we know that Molly was a fishmonger, presumably following in her parents' footsteps.

Aside from that and the fact that Molly died of "a fever," and it's implied that this occurred while Molly was still fairly young, we know pretty much jack squat about the girl.

For example, career-wise it is established that both of her parents were also fishmongers, each with their own barrow for wheeling around the aforementioned cockles and mussels.  Did Molly grow up wanting to be a fishmonger as well, or did she have other designs for life and fell back on this as a career?  Did she inherit one of her parents' barrows, if so which one, and if not, where are the two other barrows?  Did she have to apprentice as a fishmonger in order to afford her own barrow?  Did she sell any actual fish?  Both cockles and mussels are types of molluscs, and not technically classified as "fish."  From what we know for certain, Molly is better described as a "shellfishmonger," though that is admittedly more difficult to work into song.  We also don't know how good of a shellfishmonger she was.  Her level of success at peddling cockles and mussels is completely unknown, which leads to some concern if a lack of salesmanship led to a destitute living and thus her health problems. 

Molly's personal life is also a complete unknown.  All we know about her we learn from some unnamed lyrical narrator who first saw her wheeling around her barrow in Dublin.  We're told she was a sweet girl, which certainly is to her credit, but can we rely on the narrator's judgement?  We don't know what the narrator's relation to Molly was.  Was he a distant relative who had never seen her until she was a shellfishmonger, a stranger passing by on the street, or a potential suitor?  Given the fact that the narrator seems to have known Molly for some amount of time (from when he first sees her selling shellfish from a barrow until after she dies of a fever...I would assume this takes a few weeks at a minimum), I think we can discount the passing stranger theory.  Given that the narrator specifically points out that girls in Dublin are "so pretty" and still singles out Molly, I would argue that the narrator is a potential suitor for Molly, though his or her amount of success in pursuing a relationship with Molly is never revealed.  Along those lines, we don't actually know if Molly is pretty.  Dublin girls apparently are, but Molly is only ever described as "sweet."  I'll give her the benefit of the doubt and say that at least the narrator found her particularly attractive.

Did Molly Malone ever meet Rosie McCann?   Sure, the River Bann is pretty far north of Dublin, but either of the two may have traveled and crossed paths at some point.


You may want to do a quick search for "The Star of the County Down" to understand that joke. 


Was Molly happy in the life she chose or had chosen for her?  I think we'd all like to believe that until Molly contracted her fever (and even that's not really well laid out), Molly was perfectly content pushing around her barrow crying "Cockles and Mussels Alive, Alive Oh!"

Until somebody makes a movie about her, I don't think we'll ever really know for sure. 

They're Probably Not

“Fig Newtons are made with bananas?”  -Anonymous Co-Worker


It should be relatively well known at this point that Jeremy is a self-repeatedly-proclaimed genius.  He also works with geniuses.  On occasion, genius runs into some stumbling blocks along the way.  Have a seat, and Jeremy will regale us with an entirely true story from the office.    


So, not long ago, I was sitting in a meeting at work.  This particular meeting is a recurring meeting, every week at the same time, and it's pretty long.  It's long enough that is fairly often devolves into some sort of nonsense, and often singing.  


Jeremy gets paid for this stuff...


Another feature of this meeting is the snacks.  On occasion, cookies, candies, or other goodies make an appearance for the team to enjoy during the productive times.  Recently, due in no small part to laziness on everyone's part, this too has devolved into the treats being Tic Tacs.  (Not a sponsor...but, you know...you can be, Tic Tacs.  Give me a call)  Tic Tacs are ostensibly breath mints, but come in such a variety of fruit flavors that they can be substituted for candy in a pinch.


At some point, this really does get around to Fig Newtons, I swear.  Also, not a sponsor.  


Not long ago, we were provided with banana flavored Tic Tacs.  They were at least reasonably tasty and I assume made my breath smell okay, so we went with it.

Well, this week, once again, the snack patrol (of which I am totally a member) slacked off, leaving us with wintergreen Tic Tacs as the treat of the day.  Not nearly as tasty, but probably did a better job with the whole breath thing, since that's what they're made for.  Anyway, this led to some good-natured ribbing of the Tic Tac provider that we had mints instead of a more appropriate candy for the meeting.  One person lamenting this fact by pointing out that we recently had the banana flavored version, and that we had no banana this week.  As you might imagine, this devolved into song, singing the song "Yes!  We Have No Bananas." 


Here's a Fun Fact!  That song is way older than you think.  It was written in 1922 by Frank Silver and Irving Cohn for the Broadway show "Make It Snappy."  


The song was also made famous more recently by being featured in a commercial.  Everyone in the meeting remembered this fact, but not what it was a commercial for.  The meeting continued.  During this time, a certain genius engineer took it upon himself to Google what commercial it was which used that song for its soundtrack.  So, a few minutes after the meeting had resumed, I randomly blurted out, "It was for Fig Newtons."  The commercial featured a monkey examining all of the new fruit flavored offerings of Newton-style cookies, but lamenting the fact that there were no banana flavored Newtons.

Only mildly confused, but certainly understanding of the interruption, a co-worker asked what was Fig Newtons, to which everyone else, who had begun laughing at this point, explained that it was the Bananas song we had sung minutes earlier.  To which, the anonymous co-worker asked, "Fig Newtons are made with bananas?" 

The meeting ended on time. 

Did They Actually Mean The Monster?

Are Motley Crue and Alice Cooper singing about the same Frankenstein? 


To understand today's Status, you should probably familiarize yourself with Motley Crue's song "Dr. Feelgood" and Alice Cooper's "Feed My Frankenstein."  I can't promise you'll be happy with yourself, but you'll at least know why Jeremy thinks he's funny.  


Right you are!  So, in the songs LIR mentions, it's pretty clear that Mr. Cooper is singing about his Frankenstein.  If you want to know more about what this means, lyrical analyses are available on the internets as an exercise for the reader.  They're not exactly wholesome, but you should have known that right around the time I said the words "Alice Cooper."  Funny story, and I'm told it's true, but my boss at work apparently used to sit next to Alice Cooper (Or Vincent Furnier, as his birth certificate would lead you to think his name is) in church in Phoenix.

I'll let that sink in. 

Either way, Motley Crue sings about Dr. Feelgood in a song whose lyrics are also not particularly wholesome.  They refer to Dr. Feelgood as a man who is "gonna be your Frankenstein."  This leads me to wonder if the two aren't the same Frankenstein.  I'm pretty sure they are.


Anyway, just a couple things to wrap up from last week's Theme Week.  


Oh yes, of course.  Friday's entry in the "Dr. Seuss Character or Pokemon" Theme Week was Poliwhirl.  The Poliwhirl, of course, is a first-generation Pokemon which lives in fresh water and whose primary abilities appear to be having translucent skin and getting other Pokemon wet.  That's about it.  Which means the finals total from last week were three Dr. Seuss Characters and two Pokemon.  Thanks to everyone who played, and for the one person who actually recognized the hidden theme in the Post titles as characters in the Digimon universe.  We hope you enjoyed Theme Week.   

It's Like An Ace In The Hole

Is there a band that can “Rock and Roll” and “Party” at the same time?  

That assumes the possibility that Rocking and Rolling is not mutually exclusive to partying.  Which seems like at least a reasonably valid assumption.  

So, not long ago, I heard a song playing on the radio.  I forget what it was called.  But, the important part here is that the band seemed to expressing a desire to "Rock and Roll" all night in addition to "Partying" every day.  It was unclear if they were ultimately successful in either of their endeavors, but let's talk about goal setting for a bit here.  

I'm okay with a rock band wanting to Rock and Roll.  That is more or less what they're for.  But why do they limit themselves to merely wanting to Rock and Roll at night, when apparently the parties happen during the day.  If their rocking and rolling does not help contribute to the party, then they're either at the wrong party, or their rocking and rolling can't be very good.  Ideally, I would think that they could combine their efforts to everyone's benefit.  Rock and Roll at a party, thereby increasing the level of the party for all involved.  

It's also easier on the band's sleep schedule.  

However, I do understand that pulling this off would require finding a rock-and-roll-conducive party that lasts all night.  Otherwise, you end up rocking and rolling until the party ends, and you have nothing to do the rest of the night while you want to be rocking and rolling.  Conversely, if you rock and roll at an all-night party, then you may not feel up for partying during the day when you ostensibly want to be partying.  It's a conundrum.  

It seems to me that the easiest solution is to find a rock and roll band who is okay with doing their rocking and rolling during traditional partying hours and not limiting themselves to doing so all night.  Sometimes the most obvious solutions really are the best.  You know how the old adage goes...Keep It Simple, Stupid. 

On A Saturday?!

So who’s responsible for waking up Billie Joe Armstrong tomorrow?  

Somebody really should get on that.  I mean...I'm assuming that he's going to wake up on his own, but he did specifically ask.  

So, for those of you unawares, back in 2005, the punk rock band Green Day released a song called "Wake Me Up When September Ends."  Billie Joe Armstrong is the lead singer of the group and writer of the song.  

Now, I'm not entirely sure when exactly we're supposed to wake up Mr. Armstrong.  Technically, today is still September, but it is ending.  Tomorrow could either be the end of September or the beginning of October.  It's usually not polite to call people at midnight to wake them up, but in this case, maybe we were given specific instructions, so it's okay?  I'm not sure!  

I'm also not clear on whether or not I'm the one who's supposed to be waking him up.  If I were, it would have been helpful for Mr. Armstrong to include some sort of contact information in the song, rather than just leaving all of that to chance.  I don't think I know anybody who considers Mr. Armstrong as a personal friend, so I'm resorting to, at best, third party notification.  It's not an ideal solution to my problems here.  

All in all, there were some issues with Green Day's instructions about being woken up at the end of September.  I'd ask for clarity, but they're still sleeping.  I'll try again tomorrow.