Don't Be Next

Attention rodents:  Just keep going and I won’t run over you  

So, while he's been away and slacking off, Jeremy's been doing his best to control the rodent population in the Greater Jeremy Area.  Spoiler Alert: He still has a ways to go.

Another way to look at it is that in the last week, I've tripled my career body count of animals I've run over.  It's true, and maybe even a little surprising, that in all the time I've been operating vehicles up until about a week ago, I have managed to only (to my knowledge) kill one squirrel.  I actively try to not run over animals, partially out of my respect for nature, and partially out of a lack of desire to clean animal guts off my car.  The squirrel happened some time ago on the road leading down to my apartment complex.  It was at mildly traumatic for me, but admittedly more so for the squirrel.  At least the squirrel didn't have very long to think about it, as he was pretty well totaled in the blink of an eye.

Anyway...fast forward to a week ago, and my animal count went up by one in an unexpected and at least mildly impressive way.  I was riding my bike on a local linear park when up ahead, I see a chipmunk making his way across the trail.  He was at least 3/4 of the way across, in no danger whatsoever, when he notices me riding along.  Instead of continuing along his path, he freaks out, turns 180 degrees around and starts to run back where he came from...ultimately running right under my bike tire.  Minus one chipmunk.  

Two days ago, I was driving my car on a local road, when up ahead, I see a small woochuck making his way across the road.  He was at least 3/4 of the way across, in no danger whatsoever, when he notices me driving along.  Instead of continuing along his path, he freaks out, turns 180 degrees around and starts to run back where he came from...ultimately running right under my car tire.  Minus one woodchuck.  

So, it's clear the lesson to be learned here.  Stupid rodents running across paved paths should just keep going toward their destination.  They'll be perfectly fine.  It's only when they start to second guess themselves and turn around to run back that they get themselves in trouble.  

I'm Too Smart For You, Scammers!

Oh goodness!  The phone scammer says the IRS is about to sue me 

That was actually me.  Remember when you bought me that Robo-Dailer for Christmas?

I work with many many other people, some of whom occasionally try to reach me by telephone.  Sure, Sametime (an Instant messenger program, and the primary reason this Blag exists in the first place) is the preferred method of contacting me, but sometimes that's not an option either.  Especially for those colleagues who work for different companies than my own.  It's times like this when my phone rings. 

Wait...you can use phones for calling people?  You only use yours for Snapchat.

Unfortunately, far too many people use my work phone for non-work purposes.  Political robo-calls come to my office frequently around election season, car warranty companies call me around once a week to tell me that my car's warranty is about to expire (it's not), and that I need to buy an extended one from them (I don't).  Also, random salespeople and charities call looking for money because the best way to earn it is to randomly call me.  

Well, now we can check IRS-impersonating scammers off the list!  

I had heard about this scam a couple weeks back from a friend who let this sort of nonsense get a little too far before he also correctly determined it was a scam.  So here, as a public service, is a description of this crap so you won't fall victim, just like I didn't.  

So, a robo-dialer called me and when I answered, a computerized voice explains that the IRS has been trying to get ahold of me.  So why they would use this number instead of the one that I put on my tax returns is a clue as to the nature of what's happening here.  Apparently, the IRS is about to file a lawsuit against me for payment of $5000 in back taxes, penalties and fees.  If I want to avoid prosecution (oh, and arrest by the local authorities...can't forget that part), I need to pay the $5000 in the form of a pre-paid debit card.  The nice computer even offers to help me with the transaction if I need assistance.  

I was amused.  

At least partially because I had heard of this scam before, and Have Previously Verified that it is, in fact a scam.  Also, I've paid all of my taxes, so I don't have anything to worry about there.  Also, since that call, I've heard three of my nearby coworkers talking about the same scam calls in the last two days.  Be like us.  Don't fall for the fake IRS scam.  

This public service has been brought to you by Jeremy Is In The Office.

What's The Aural Equivalent Of A Thousand-Yard Stare?

The internet only seems to remember the terrible videos I watch when recommending new ones for me  

Jeremy would much rather have the internet refer him to the latest My Little Pony videos.  

While that is almost assuredly not the case...

...I heard the word "almost" in there...

...I'm not specifically talking about what videos should be recommended to me.  This is more of a rant on what videos should not be.  It's a fine line, but one I'm okay with making.  

There are two very noteworthy examples of things going on here.  One is auto-complete.  You've seen this before, where you type the first few letters of your search into the little box on a popular video-streaming website.  The box fills itself in with things that the internets think you might be searching for.  This is based, supposedly, on not only your specific searching habits, but on the searching habits of other internet denizens as well.  The exact algorithm is secret and proprietary, of course....but it's also nonsense.  For example, there is a recurring show that I watch on occasion which starts with the letters "Jus."  While I've filled in this search more than a few times (I habitually refuse to "subscribe" to any of these channels because reasons), the auto-complete invariably comes back with the exact same thing after those first three letters.  "Justin Bieber."  

This is crap.  

I do not watch Justin Bieber videos, nor listen to his music.  I am not a fan of his.  I am not in his target demographic.  I have never once searched on this video site for his stuff, and yet, that is the first autocomplete every time.  

The other issue I have is slightly more understandable, and arguably more annoying.  Against my better judgement and for educational purposes only, I recently searched for and watched a music video because of several internet memes I've seen.  I pretty much knew this wasn't going to be good for me, but I did it anyway.  Yes, friends...I actually suffered through the entire "music" video "Watch Me" by Silento.  Needless to say, I don't recommend this to anyone.  

My suspicions were confirmed a mere 8 seconds into the video, when the "artist" blatantly violated Jeremy's Big Rule #1 with the first spoken lines of the "song."  It only went downhill from there.  To borrow a line from Dave Chappelle, "songs" like this make me wish I had more hands...so I could give it four thumbs down.

Having subjected myself to this musical violation of my well-being, I am 100% confident that I will never need to watch this video again, nor will I ever listen to any further performances by the "artist."  

However, the popular online video streaming site now knows that I have watched that steaming pile of video.  So now, when I log in, I get to see all of my new recommendations based on the fact that I watched it.  I've told the video site that I didn't like it, though not so far as to post a comment saying that the "song" was "so bad it gave me butt cancer," (I'm not making that comment up, BTW...it was the first one on the page).  I have also gone through my video history and deleted the fact that I put up with that crap from my records, and yet the message seems to be lost on the website.  They keep on recommending me horrible-looking videos because I watched that guy whip.  

Meanwhile, the show that I actually have watched and enjoyed takes a back seat.  Be careful on the internets, everybody.