Where It All Went Wrong

Nobody from fifth grade is ever going to tell me I was right about that question that one time

You're the only person from fifth grade who even remembers that question.  

That's part of what makes it worse.  Somewhere out there, there is a classroomful of people who were once all smug about being right when Jeremy was wrong who are living their miserable little lives in blissful ignorance of the fact that I was right.  Oh...and like one other person who had the same answer I did.  And a classroom textbook author who put in the wrong answer and owes me an apology that I'll never get.  

Ladies and gentlemen, Jeremy holds grudges when it's funny.  

So, to preface this story, I would like to point out that this is all true.  Why it popped into my head the other day (and randomly does on occasion) I will never know.  We take you back to Jeremy's fifth grade class and a specific lesson dealing in the difference between fact and opinion.  We'll leave aside the fact that this is a lesson that could very well stand to be retaught to everyone talking about politics on the internets.  We all know the difference by now...a fact is a bit of information that can be researched and proven (true or false), while an opinion is somebody's personal belief about something.  For example, "George Washington's portrait is on the front of the $1 Bill" is a fact easily proven by looking at a $1 bill.  I can't do that, since I only roll with 100's, but that's beside the point.  "Nicolas Cage is the worst actor in the history of creation," is a personal viewpoint, which, while shared by most everyone, makes it merely an opinion.  

So, back in fifth grade, we had gotten a worksheet with a series of statements on it, and we were to identify whether each statement was a fact or an opinion.  One would think this is pretty easy, and one would be right.  "Fred has 15 pencils."  Fact.  "Susie is the best-dressed person in the class."  Opinion.  Lather, rinse, repeat.  100% score, right?  

Wrong.  

I got one marked wrong.  Now, I was never shown the teacher's edition of the worksheet which showed the publisher's answer, but my answer did not match what my fifth grade teacher thought the answer was.  Whether my teacher's answer matched the publisher's, I'll never know.  I suspect it did not.  While I'll admit that the question was tricky, the answer is pretty clear.  I remember it like it was yesterday. 

"Jim thinks that Billy is the best choice for class president."  

FACT. 

According to either my teacher or the publisher, that is incorrect.  The above statement is an opinion.  This is bull.  

You see...the statement is actually two things in one.  It's a fact referencing an opinion, which is why it's tricky.  Is Billy the best choice for class president?  Who knows?  That's an opinion....but that's not the question now, is it?  The question is whether or not JIM THINKS that Billy is the best choice.  That's an easy bit of information to research and prove one way or the other.  Ask Jim.  The best choice for class president is a matter of opinion, but identifying what somebody's opinion is is 100% fact.  

"Jeremy's opinion is that Nicolas Cage is the worst actor in the history of creation."  Fact.  Want to prove that Jeremy thinks that?  Ask Jeremy.  Spoiler alert:  I do think that. 

There was debate in the class about this question, and myself and like one other person were right about it, but that never seemed to matter.  I still got the question marked wrong and it has clearly affected the rest of my life.  I'm still waiting for my apology, but deep down inside, I know it will never arrive. 

Bad, Jeremy!

The New York Rangers were punishing me for falling asleep during their game

You fell asleep during a hockey game?  How could you?

I know, I know.  I'm sorry.  I say that not only to the loyal readers here, but to the New York Rangers...and the Boston Bruins as well.  I fell asleep during their game (it was a long and busy weekend) and they made me pay for it by confusing the crap out of my in my not-quite-conscious state.  Here's what happened:

Story time!  Get your nachos here!  

So I laid down on the couch with the game on a background noise and made it approximately 83 seconds before passing out.  It was a nice, relaxing nap, and I awoke some time later.  I thought it wasn't very long after all because I look at the game and while the score was different than I'd remembered, there was still a minute or so left in the first period.  They play out the rest of the period, the horn goes off, and I think I have 15 minutes or so before the next period starts.  Instead, the teams go back to their benches for about a minute or so, switch sides and immediately start playing again.  I'm quite clear on the rules of hockey and was pretty sure this generally doesn't happen, so I was left with the inescapable conclusion that I'm either horribly misinformed about hockey, or just suffered some kind of fugue event.  One intermission of my life was now a blacked-out moment.  

As it turns out, I had just slept through the intermission and this was the start of the second period.  I just missed the part where the refs moved the end of the first period into the second.  Brian Rolston of the Bruins took a shot late in the first that broke a pane of glass behind the Rangers' net.  Rather than delaying the game while the rink crew replaced the glass (which normally can be done in a matter of a couple minutes, but maybe this one was more difficult for some reason), the refs put a stop to the period, had the glass replaced and the ice resurfaced, then completed the last 2:53 of the first.  Then, having already had an intermission, started the second right up.  It makes a lot more sense now than it did when I just woke up.

Really Sorry

Once again, we allow Nicolas Cage to befoul cinema.  This really should stop

Sounds like Jeremy's all set to review "Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance" without having actually bothered to watch the film.  This should be helpful and informative.

I'm not the only one who sees it.  Multiple websites exist that deal with the tragedy that is Nicolas Cage Acting.  There are also rumors that he's a vampire, but that's entirely beside the point. 

Today's Sametime Status deals with today's release of the latest deuce dropped on moviegoers everywhere by Nic, "Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance."  Normally, one expects a sequel to be made when a movie is good and deserves more.  Such is obviously not the case lately, with just about every movie that makes money earning its way back to the silver screen.  The original Ghost Rider film took in around $115M at the box office despite pulling in a whopping 26% Tomatometer, allowing some jerk of a movie executive somewhere to unleash more Cage.  You'll be pleased to know that the sequel did almost as well, currently riding a wave of positive reviews to a crowd-pleasing 12% Tomatometer.  Here are what some critics are saying about this mess:

• "A movie made by morons for morons and the only thing it will leave viewers with is a desperate need for an aspirin"
  - Peter Sobczynski
• "Shattering ineptitude"
  Devin Faraci
• "'Let's just say good judgment's not my forte,' quips Cage at one point, although the line can also be applied in a broader sense."
  Robbie Collin

Sounds like a great time at the flickershows to me!  Ugh.

Also...seriously, people?  The guy is devil's bounty hunter, riding around on a motorcycle...fine.  When he's really putting his thing down, he's entirely on fire , okay.  Buy a guy who spends his afterlife on fire whose name in regular life is Johnny Blaze?!  Come on! 

I'm begging you, Hollywood.  Stop this!  Whatever we did to offend you, we're sorry. 

This has been another edition of Jeremy Is In The Theatre.

I did that, I did that, that's my fault, I did that!

Sorry about the weather, everybody.


You're a jerk. What did you do?


So, you may have read on the Internets that there is a huge snowstorm in the northeast. That can be directly attributed to me.


Nice going, chump.


So over the weekend, I decided I'd had enough of winter (Okay, technically I had enough of winter around November, but that's beside the point), so I went to a local Home Improvement store (We'll call it "House Station"), and stocked up on the following items: Potting soil, plant food, grass seed, lawn fertilizer, grass edger, and a lawn spreader. The only reason that I didn't buy water seal for my deck was because they didn't have the clear version, and I don't feel like coloring my deck red.

Mother Nature, in her infinite lack of wisdom, decided to punish me for this offense by dumping another pile of snow on the entire northeast United States.

Sorry, everybody.