I'll also poke my eye out.

Mom always told me “Never stand outside during a thunderstorm waving a sickle around.”


You do know that your mom is one of your readers, right?


Very true. Hi Mom! So while this little bit of sage wisdom may not have specifically come from Mom, it probably would have been helpful for This Moron who was, in fact, struck by lightning while wielding a sickle.


Thunderstorms tend to sneak up on you.


Yeah, the distant rumbling of Thunder is easy to confuse with UFO's, and maybe the water drops coming down were actually the neighborhood punks with their squirt guns. Definitely easy to mistake the two.

It's like falling off a bike

People are like Slinkies. Basically useless, but it’s so amusing to watch them fall down the stairs.


I like watching people fall down the stairs. It's pretty amusing.


Well, I'd like to take today's Blag opportunity to edutain The Most Intelligent Readership In The World with the right and wrong ways to go down a flight of stairs. Here is an example of what we refer to in The Industry as "The Wrong Way."



Note how even in the best set of circumstances, the downward distance to be travelled was a bit too far to negotiate safely in one movement. Also, when attempting a descent down a flight of stairs, choosing a path parallel to the stairs themselves is a near imperative. In this case, because the stair-taker chose a path not parallel with the travel of the stairs, the intersection with the railing was inevitable. It was simply fortuitous (for us) that the intersection happened in the...uhm....shall we say "perilous" location that it did.


That's all very true and helpful information. But, is there an example of how to properly negotiate a flight of stairs?


An excellent question, and the answer is a hearty "Yes!" Allow me to now present you with what is referred to as "The Right Way."



Do note the smooth motion, perfectly in-line with the direction of the stairs. Also note the safe two-point landing at the base of the stairs, and the proper hand position during the descent.

I'd like each of you Loyar Readers to find a flight of stairs in your home or work and spend the rest of the day practicing this method and let me know how you do.


Thank you Jeremy. I'm off to practice right now!

You call it a fork...

I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself? - Frank Zappa


HAHAHAA....That nutty Frank Zappa.


Yeah...and as nutty as he is, you have to acknowledge that he has a point.


How so?


Well, as you're well aware, we have safety labels on everything, from hairdryers that tell you not to use them in the shower, to McDonalds Coffee that says "Don't spill hot drinks on yourself. It will hurt." I can't help but think that some of these giant lawsuits for personal injuries could be avoided by just using a little common sense. Or by letting the gene pool filter itself out a little bit.

As Bobcat Goldthwait once said, "You call it a fork. I call it a toast extractor. Works great in the shower! I'm Bobcat Goldthwait for Natural Selection. It's only natural."


So, I understand there's a contest next week?


Indeed you do. Get out your thinking caps, scientific calculators, Rhyming Beck-tionaries, and string. A whole week full of Theme Week contest goodness.


What's it about?


You'll just have to come back monday morning to find out.