I'm Too Smart For You, Scammers!

Oh goodness!  The phone scammer says the IRS is about to sue me 

That was actually me.  Remember when you bought me that Robo-Dailer for Christmas?

I work with many many other people, some of whom occasionally try to reach me by telephone.  Sure, Sametime (an Instant messenger program, and the primary reason this Blag exists in the first place) is the preferred method of contacting me, but sometimes that's not an option either.  Especially for those colleagues who work for different companies than my own.  It's times like this when my phone rings. 

Wait...you can use phones for calling people?  You only use yours for Snapchat.

Unfortunately, far too many people use my work phone for non-work purposes.  Political robo-calls come to my office frequently around election season, car warranty companies call me around once a week to tell me that my car's warranty is about to expire (it's not), and that I need to buy an extended one from them (I don't).  Also, random salespeople and charities call looking for money because the best way to earn it is to randomly call me.  

Well, now we can check IRS-impersonating scammers off the list!  

I had heard about this scam a couple weeks back from a friend who let this sort of nonsense get a little too far before he also correctly determined it was a scam.  So here, as a public service, is a description of this crap so you won't fall victim, just like I didn't.  

So, a robo-dialer called me and when I answered, a computerized voice explains that the IRS has been trying to get ahold of me.  So why they would use this number instead of the one that I put on my tax returns is a clue as to the nature of what's happening here.  Apparently, the IRS is about to file a lawsuit against me for payment of $5000 in back taxes, penalties and fees.  If I want to avoid prosecution (oh, and arrest by the local authorities...can't forget that part), I need to pay the $5000 in the form of a pre-paid debit card.  The nice computer even offers to help me with the transaction if I need assistance.  

I was amused.  

At least partially because I had heard of this scam before, and Have Previously Verified that it is, in fact a scam.  Also, I've paid all of my taxes, so I don't have anything to worry about there.  Also, since that call, I've heard three of my nearby coworkers talking about the same scam calls in the last two days.  Be like us.  Don't fall for the fake IRS scam.  

This public service has been brought to you by Jeremy Is In The Office.

Jeremy Is Being Investigated In "Blaggate"

What would happen if a political scandal couldn’t be tied to water or a gate?

I don't think that will ever happen again.  Not in this age of media.  

You're probably right.  

So, today's Sametime Status deals with our fascination of naming every political "scandal" using the suffix "gate" or else making sure that "water" is in there somewhere.  The whole trend, of course, stems from the Watergate scandal of 1972.  Since then, pretty much every time some political party feels the need to disparage the other, they drum up a scandal, and the media grabs onto it and gives it a catchy name, usually with "gate" at the end.  It's riveting stuff.  

Here is a partial list of "-gate" scandals, for your edutainment:  Angolagate, Betsygate, Billygate, Bingogate, Bonusgate, Bridgegate, Brothelgate, Coingate, Coalgate, Corngate, Debategate, Fajitagate, Filegate, Garglegate, Gategate, Irangate, Iraqgate, Monicagate, Nkandlagate, Pardongate, Pastagate, Pastygate, Rinkagate, Squidgygate, Strippergate, Troopergate (Numbers 1-3), Weinergate (which works on multiple levels).

Some of those are funny, but the whole thing is a little sad.  I also can't imagine any controversy involving fajitas.  Everybody agrees they're delicious.  I can't be bothered to look up the story. 

Very fortunate, really, that the people involved in the Blackwater and Whitewater scandals already were called "Blackwater Security Consulting" and "Whitewater Development Corporation."  That made naming the scandals easy and form-fitting.  

But, we really should stop this.  We're not going to get more creative with developing our political scandals, in fact, it's only lamer now with stupid lawsuits flying in both directions and whatnot, so we may as well be a little more original with the names.  I don't think that's too much to ask. 

Now I Want A Burrito

Rolfing isn’t what you think it is 

It sounds like something that happens after you eat one too many Burritos Supreme at Taco Bell.

One Burrito Supreme at Taco Bell isn't too many?  

 Depends on your criteria, I guess...but my point remains valid.

And my point remains correct.  Rolfing has nothing to do with either vomiting, or frisbee golf.  It's actually a type of holistic medicine dealing with muscle alignment and structural integration or something.  It's akin to a type of massage that separates the fibres of muscle connective tissues in order to allow more natural movement of the muscles.  The process was named after the founder of the practice, Ida Rolf.  

I'da rolf too, if I ate that many Burritos.

Of course, the whole process is incredibly long, complicated, and expensive.  A complete treatment takes between 10 and 15 hours and costs $80 per hour based on a Groupon I was emailed last week.  To become a trained Rolfer requires a full year of training at a cost of over $10,000 at a single clinic in Colorado.   The practice has also been scientifically proven to accomplish absolutely nothing, though dozens of people have offered testimonials to its effectiveness.  If nothing else, it appears to be remarkably effective at taking your money...which is not what you thought it did.