With All This Rain, Everywhere Is Mudville

Silly Joe Walsh, there were only two men on base when Casey went up to bat

So Mr. Walsh got this wrong, how, exactly?

Well, it comes from the lyrics to the popular Joe Walsh song "Rocky Mountain Way."  He clearly states "Bases are loaded and Casey's at bat, playin' it play by play."  This, of course, is a reference to the poem "Casey At The Bat" written in 1888.  

What Mr. Walsh didn't apparently have time to do is actually look at the poem and figure out just how many people were actually on base for the Mudville baseball team at the time Casey came up to bat.  A simple reading will tell you that there were runners on second and third, after Flynn singled and Blake followed up with a double.  

Of course, we can sit here all day and question why, with a 2-run lead and first base open with the most feared hitter in the Mudville roster coming up to bat, the pitcher didn't simply walk Casey to load the bases and take on the #5 hitter.  There were, after all, two outs already.  It's not even a question, really....any manager in baseball would have done the same thing.  Maybe things were different in the 1880s, who knows?  

I suppose I can also concede that "Runners on second and third and Casey's at bat" wouldn't fit in as well with the rhythm of the song, so he took a bit of literary license.  There should just be an asterisk or something. 

Get It?! It's Funny

yapHp alaNtoin zlezPu yDa, bEoyevrdy!

Today's Sametime Status is left as an exercise for the reader.  Enjoy!  

The Best Mom Her Kids Have, Maybe?

Beware of Beast Mom 3!

Fire up the popcorn and put on your 3D glasses, Jeremy's been to...wait...there's no movie named "Beast Mom 3."  This isn't one of your movie reviews? 

It is not.  Today's Sametime Status is in regards to a fairly awful license plate I saw not that long ago.  The thing said "BSTMOM3," ostensibly referring to the fact that the driver felt that she was the best mom.  Now, this leaves out a lot of information, such as family, date range, even species.  She may have simply been referring to herself being the best mom currently driving that car, or arrogantly feeling that she's the best mom currently in the state, country, or world, or even worse the best mom in the history of the world.  Of course, that title is already taken by one of my loyal readers.  (Hi, Mom!)  

What s truly ironic about the whole situation is that the license plate was not simply "BSTMOM", or even "BESTMOM," but "BSTMOM3," meaning ostensibly that BESTMOM, BSTMOM, BSTMOM1, and BSTMOM2 were already taken by other moms who believe themselves to be the best.  I don't believe the DMV is an official authority figure when it comes to motherly quality and is therefore able to award standings like this that hold any meaning.  There was never any proper adjudication to name any of these people the best mom, leave alone properly ranking them from 1-3.  Also, if you were properly judged to be the Best Mom (or third, in this case), I don't think it would be wise to advertise that sort of thing on your car, since Best Mom 4 is probably looking to take you down. 

Because of all this, I took it upon myself to come up with an alternate meaning for the license plate which would make a whole lot more sense.  That definition, of course, is that this person is the leading character in the Beast Mom series of films which have yet to be written or produced.  The good news for me is that should I decide to write them, at least one of my casting decisions will already be made for me.  Thanks, Beast Mom 3! 

Beating Science With Science!

Pro Tip:  A laptop makes a great shield from a car’s proximity key

Yes...for all of those times you want your key to not work.  Useful tip there, Jeremy.

I feel obligated to keep people informed when I make wonderful new discoveries! 

Wonderful?

When I make new discoveries!    

So anyway, my car has one of those cool proximity keys so that you can control all of the operations without having to take the key out of your pocket.

Or, in Jeremy's case, purse.

Ignoring now.  The way it works is that you press a button on the door handle, the car sends out a signal to basically ask if the key is nearby, and if the key responds, the door unlocks.  Science!  The same thing happens when you push the button inside the start the car, so in theory, I could be sitting in the passenger seat with the key while somebody else is driving.  If I let them.  I won't let them.  People don't drive my car.  Don't even bother asking.  Your answer is no.  

Anyway, though various recent bouts of trial and miserable failure, I've discovered that a great way to prevent the RFID signal of the key from reaching the car door is to hold my laptop between the two.  This makes a near perfect barrier, preventing the car from recognizing the key and unlocking the door.  This is unfortunately not as useful as you might think.  It's even less useful when it's -2 degrees in the parking lot. 

I Actually Really Do Need To Do This

My Next Great Idea:  A Hair Salon with a built-in Bar.  It will be called “Coiffe And Quaff”  

It's a little disturbing how you don't seem to think that a bunch of drunk people running around with scissors is a bad idea. 

Well, I'll admit there are holes in my master plan here, but I see them more as opportunities than as crises.  For example, you could simply make a rule that the hair cutters aren't allowed to drink while on the job.  Or you could bypass that rule and cater exclusively to celebrity clientele, many of whom have Haircuts that make you Think That their barber was Drunk at the time.  Incidentally, every last one of those examples cost more than every haircut I've ever gotten in my lifetime combined.  

They Cancelled "Apartment 23" For This?

I recently learned that “Celebrity Diving” is going to be a TV show soon.  I may weep openly

You know it's going to be better than any "Real Housewives" show, or any of the shows with anyone named Snooki or Kardashian.  

Unfortunately, that's merely ONE of the sad parts about this upcoming travesty of entertainment.  

See, networks come up with all of their best ideas for new shows in the fall.  As with everything network execs think is a good idea, a good number of them suck ferociously and end up being cancelled before the first season is even allowed to finish.  Based on a source, here is an anything-but-comprehensive list of shows that were new in the fall and have already bitten the dust: 666 Park Avenue, Last Resort, Made In Jersey, Partners, The Mob Doctor, Emily Owens, M.D., and for the love of all things good and plenty, I can't figure out why Whitney is still on the air.  We're only in January, kids.  

This type of turnover leads to multiple disatserpieces known as "Mid-Season Replacements" in which shows that weren't good enough to crack the lineup, despite how blatantly atrocious the original shows were, are put into the starting rotation to bridge the gap until summer reruns.  Occasionally this works out well for the networks, as these new shows become hits.  The Office, Grey's Anatomy, 3rd Rock From The Sun, Married With Children, All In The Family, Dallas, Seinfeld, and Happy Days all started their runs as mid-season replacements.  As well as a little show that you may have heard of that is only the longest-running series on television called The Simpsons.  Of course, these are the exceptions, and what we usually get around this time of year is crap.  

Among this year's lineup of replacement crap is yet another new celebrity reality show based on some sort of physical activity.  We already have Dancing With The Stars, and Skating with the Stars, Celebrity Apprentice, Celebrity Fit Club, Celebrity Rehab, , I Get That A Lot, Celebrity Death Match (Wait, what?), and Celebrity Ghost Stories, so why not take this concept into the world of Olympic high-diving?  That's right...a lineup of middling celebrities who need more TV exposure to satisfy their egos and stoke their fading careers are going to team up with Greg Louganis and make a show about diving.  Diving.  

I'll say it one more time so that this really sinks in......DIVING!!!!

I really wish I could tell you that I'm making this up, but I'm Unfortunately Not.  Yes...Celebrity Diving will feature such A-List celebrities as Kareem Abdul Jabbar, Katherine Webb (who has done nothing to be famous short of being ogled by Brent Musburger), and Rudy Huxtable herself, Keshia Knight Pulliam.  Here's your "Feel Old" moment for the day...The Cosby Show went off the air 21 years ago.  That's how long it's been since Keshia Knight Pulliam has been even remotely relevant.  

I guess the saving grace of this show is the higher than normal probability for humiliating failure and injury to befall the contestants.  I'd be more than happy to watch Louie Anderson (Yes, he's a contestant) attempt a front 1 1/2 only to under-rotate into a spectacular tsunami-inducing belly-flop.  There's just no way in creation I'm going to sit around and watch this garbage for half an hour waiting for it.  It will show up on Youtube soon enough. 

I'm Not Exactly Content, Either

Now is the Winter of my Whininess  

For the rest of us, too.  Now is when you start posting Sametime Status messages about weather.  It's winter.  Deal with it. 

I know that.  One of the supposed benefits of living in the Greater Jeremy Area is the fact that we get 4 true seasons.  There is a spring with new stuff growing and going green, a warm and humid summer for being outside and in a swimming pool, a fall where the leaves change color, and then crap.  

Winter is lousy.  There are no leaves on the trees, so everything is just a collection of brown sticks, until it snows.  Then it's white with brown sticks.  Driving in snow is awful, shoveling snow is awful, and cold is awful.  I don't like it.  Never will.  The low temperature all week around here is 6.  I wish that were in Celsius.  

So to another winter, I give a hearty "No Thanks!"  Wake me up when summer comes.