At Least It's Warm

Pro Tip: A blender jar makes a great funnel for pouring water down your pants

For all the reasons you need to pour water down your pants!

In my case, it was mostly because I was cleaning my blender.   

This apparently can not be done with dry pants.  Most of our readers probably didn't know that.  

So, recently, I used my blender.  I like smoothies, and the smoothie place near my house closed not all that long ago, leaving me smoothiless.  Unless, of course, I go to the bagel place and get one of their weird smoothies with kale and oatmeal.  I haven't brought myself to do that.  Not when I can throw a banana, some ice, and various other stuff in a blender and make my own.  In this particular case, the other stuff is pineapple.  Pineapples were on sale.

As you might expect, after I enjoyed my smoothie, I needed to wash out the blender.  My blender jar comes apart into three pieces: the jar itself, the lid, and the blade assembly.  (Bonus Pro Tip: when buying a blender, never EVER leave the store without one that has All Metal Drive)  Cleaning the thing at this point is pretty standard and easy enough to visualize, so I won't bore you with the details.  Rinsing is more of an adventure.  

At this point, the jar of the blender more closely resembles a tube, since it has no lid, or bottom, since they have been removed.  Anything you pour into the top runs the length of the side and dumps almost immediately out the bottom, as you might expect.  This makes rinsing easy, since all you have to do is pour clean water into the top, it runs along the side, removing any suds and soap residue on its way down, pouring out the bottom, ideally into the sink.  Here's where problems arise.  The jar is also fairly significantly sized, and the output stream of your rinse water is rather far away from the entry point, so you have to be very careful about positioning, lest your rinse water arrive somewhere NOT over the sink....say...your pants.  

The unfortunate part of this isn't so much that you feel stupid (you do) or that you haven't successfully rinsed your blender (you have).  The unfortunate part of this is how long it takes for water to soak through your pants, which is your trigger to realize that you have a problem.  By the time you're made aware of your pants, you have already dumped a significant amount of water on yourself and the floor near the sink, and you either have to clean that up immediately while wearing soaked pants, or you have to change your pants while water makes its way around your kitchen.  If only this somehow could have been avoided. 

More Of A West Coast Guy, Myself

A map of the Western Hemisphere is not all that different from the logo for the Wu Tang Clan

You know, a lot of people have...wait, what?  Nobody thinks this.  Why do you think this?  I don't know if I should stay here for this...

These are the thoughts that rummage around inside my head on occasion.  It just happens.  In this particular case, I was inspired by a bottle of shampoo.  

This particular shampoo, which shall remain nameless because the usual name is weird enough that I can't obscure it in my usual way other than to say it sounds like something foreign and involving fruit.  I buy it because it smells really nice and leaves my hair shiny and manageable.  And you thought I used a salon brand.  

Anyway...my shampoo bottle has a picture of the earth on it.  Why?  I don't know...maybe it's supposed to use fewer earth non-friendly chemicals or be biodegradable or something, I don't care.  Smells nice...shiny...manageable...picture of earth.  Just go with it.  More specifically, it's a round picture of the western hemisphere.  A little strange, because the name clearly implies that it's European, and Europe isn't shown on the map, but that's beside the point entirely.  

Not long ago, I looked at this picture in my usual morning stupor and thought, "Gee...that looks a lot like the logo for the Wu Tang Clan.  Let's be clear...I'm not a connoisseur of the Hip Hop genre, so I don't think I've ever been actually aware that I was listening to a Wu Tang Clan song, nor can I name any of the rappers in the group (not since ODB died, anyway).  All I know of them is the name and the logo.  Here it is, next to the aforementioned picture of the earth.  You judge for yourself:

In hindsight, I see that my shampoo is apparently 92% Biodegradable, hence the picture of the earth.  Maybe I should have looked at the picture I Photoshopped before writing that paragraph.  Oh well.  I'm being earth friendly, while smelling good with shiny and manageable hair! 

Nothing About This Is Good

I can get a free eyebrow at the waxing place.  Unfortunately, I already have two

Is this one of those "Buy 10 Get One Free" sort of deals?  You do seem to spend an awful lot of time at the waxing place.  

I've never been to the waxing place.

Of course, Jeremy.  Of course.

It's a stupid piece of junk mail I got recently!  It's an advertisement for a local place where you can go and have somebody drip hot wax onto whatever part of your body you see fit, and have them rip your hairs out by the roots.  If it sounds like a dumb idea, it only shows that you are in your right mind.  

So, the whole purpose of this thing is to inform you that you can buy one service and get another at 50% off.  50% off the cost, not 50% of your hair off.  I mean...I'm assuming.  

The place seems to offer different services for men and women, which probably makes sense, but it also seems to be a bit sexist.  Would they turn me down if instead of an Eyebrow, I asked for an Underarm?  I'm asking for a friend.  

There is also the option to upgrade one of their more private services to something significantly more drastic involving the same region for only $23.  It seems like a bargain until you think about what it is that's about to happen.  

Arguably more horrifying is one of the services they offer to men that I can get free with my new coupon.  Instead of an Eyebrow or an Ear, they will apparently rip the hairs out of my nose for free!  Hooray!  Oh wait...no...the other thing...GET AWAY FROM MY FACE, YOU HORRIBLE HORRIBLE SADISTIC PEOPLE!