We're Better Off, Even If It Takes A Whole Week

Now that they’re not busy, maybe we should put the College of Cardinals in charge of fixing the Sequester

So for those unawares, the College of Cardinals selected a new Pope yesterday.  It was an impressively short conclave this time around, lasting only 2 days.  At one point, starting in the year 1268, a conclave lasted for 27 months before the Cardinals elected a Pope.  

If you're also unaware, and that means you haven't been reading the Blag here, the US Congress is completely incompetent, having gone so far as to underestimate their own incompetence and have screwed around with this Sequester nonsense for well over a year and have made roughly zero progress.  

The answer is simple.  Put people who know how to get things done in charge of the stuff that needs to get done, and throw the others out on their ears.  The College of Cardinals has shown that they know how to accomplish something when they (quite literally) lock themselves in a room and make up their minds to do so.  While I may also suggest locking congress up in a room until they come up with a real budget idea to get rid of the Sequester, I'm much more in favor of scrapping all of those idiots and turning over the accomplishing-stuff reins to a new group.  Now, I'm sure some people will object to the Cardinals running the government (religious persecution and all of that), but it's only for a short time.  If absolutely nothing else, I'm entirely sure they can shame the standard elected officials into doing something right for a change.  

Wheels Up!

The State Department says I can leave the country again, and they’ll actually let me back in

Well, that's one the State Department got wrong.  

Anyone who's ever traveled to a foreign country knows that in order to get in and out, you need to have a passport.  It's not all that difficult to get one...you fill out a form, get your picture taken, turn over some documents proving that you're alive, write a big fat check to the government, and when the government is darn good and ready, they send you your new passport.  Thrilling!

It's akin to getting a new driver's license, in that it's always interesting to see just how badly your picture transferred to the pages of the book.  The downside of getting a new passport to replace your old one is that you have to give the old one back, and you lose all of the little stamps you got from every foreign country you went to in the 10 years since you got it.  

Well, my passport expired not that long ago, so I got to go through this rigmarole to get its replacement.  I had to wave goodbye to my stamps from France, Japan, Poland, Germany, England, and a couple others in favor of blankness.  It was a little sad, so now I have to go somewhere to start my new collection.  Where to?

Not Available In All States (Looking At You, Arizona)

You were surprised I was on time for work today, weren’t you?

Quite frankly, I'm a little surprised you even bothered to show up, you slacker.  

Don't hate.  

So anyway, today is the first work day of Daylight Savings Time...or are we back on Standard Time now?  I really don't know or give a crap.  The only thing that concerns me is the fact that I had to wake up at an even more stupid hour of the morning than I usually do due to the fact that it's not the time I think it is yet.  

I'm sure that sentence made sense in your head.

So whether you feel that Daylight Savings Time is an antiquated system, a clever ruse to get people to use less energy, or (as one of my soon-to-be-removed Facebook friends puts it) a reminder why you should never vote for a member of the democratic party, it's here to stay...for the next few months anyway.  Sometime in the fall, we move right on back to whatever time it was at this time on Saturday.  

On that day, I'll probably be on time for work again....which is good, because they're paying me for this stuff. 

Barney Stinson Made It, Too

Here's a Fun Fact!  Before starring in TV's "Breaking Bad," Aaron Paul overbid on a "Price Is Right" showcase by $132


Wait, is this actually true?  Maybe somebody who looked like him.


Nope...this is 100% fact.  Back in 2000, during the 28th season of "The Price Is Right," an unknown Aaron Paul was in fact a contestant on the show.  He made his way up on stage and ended up winning the Showcase Showdown, earning himself a spot in the show's grand finale, the Showcase. 

His showcase involved a sports car of some sort and his bid was quite accurate.  Unfortunately, he was part of the saddest thing on television, a Showcase Double Over-bid in which nobody wins anything except the pet population.  Aaron's bid was over the actual retail value of the showcase by a mere $132.

If you still think I'm making stuff up, you can refer to Aaron Paul's IMDB Page, or to This Helpful Video. 

Tomorrow, I Go To Work Pantsless

I have successfully pulled off my third consecutive Three-Bag Thursday!  That’s a lot of threes


It's two of them.  It's not even three threes.  


This doesn't make it any less of an accomplishment.


What exactly have you accomplished?  


So here's your rare glimpse into the real life of Jeremy.   On a typical day, I get up much sooner than I would like to, since I'm not a morning person.  I brush my teeth, get dressed and head for the gym.  I do my thing there for a while, take a shower, get dressed again and head to work.  After work, I go home and prepare to repeat the process.  There are variations on this theme, depending on the need or groceries or something of that ilk, but this is generally how it goes.  There's also the occasional volleyball game. 

Volleyball throws various monkey wrenches into the works.  On normal league nights, I can go home and grab a quick banana or granola bar or something before I head to the game.  On other league nights, when the league is played farther away from home than work, this time does not exist.  I need to plan farther in advance so that I can go straight from work to volleyball.  Not a big deal, right?  Well, when you factor in the rest of the morning routine, and the fact that my brain doesn't start working until at least an hour after the rest of me wakes up, it can be problematic. 

What this means is that I need to have my gym bag packed and ready to go at some stupid hour of the morning.  I also need my work bag with laptop and such packed and ready to go at that same stupid hour of the morning.  In addition, I need a third bag with volleyball gear, including a third pair of shoes, second pair of shorts, third pair of socks, third shirt and a second towel.  This is a lot of crap to pack up and load into the car before I become functional.  If you were a betting person, and somebody were to lay odds that I would forget something, I would not take that action if I were you. 

Except for the fact that I've now pulled off the rare and special feat of actually remembering everything three weeks in a row!  Chew on that, probability! 

It's Supposed To Be Shortened Somehow, But I Don't Care

It’s Password Day!  My email password is no longer 1Dir3ct10n

Jeremy is once again listening to the current popular boy band whose music is normally only palatable to 13-year-old girls.  Way to go, Jeremy.

Well, that's not entirely true.  It's probably a little more accurate to say that I've never actually been aware of hearing a song by One Direction.  And please...if I'm spelling that wrong, or I'm supposed to put a number 1 or an arrow in there somewhere, don't tell me.  I honestly don't give a crap.  

At best it is said that I am aware of a popular boy band named One Direction, and that I am about the furthest thing from their target market, so I just assume that I will find their music to be junk.  This group comes on the heels of every other popular boy band that has come and mercifully gone over the years, from New Kids On The Block to N'Sync, Boyz 2 Men to the Backstreet Boys.  They have now come...and soon, they will be forgotten flotsam on the sea of popular music.  I welcome that day.  
 

Oh, and I should probably mention, like I always do, that neither this, nor any of the passwords mentioned in "Password Day" posts has ever actually been my email password.  They exist for entertainment purposes only. 

I Said This Song Is Atrocious

Silly Jason Derulo, “Roof” doesn’t rhyme with “Truth”

I suppose that depends entirely on your definition of "rhyme."  Not everyone has a Rhyming Becktionary, you know.  

So today, I delve once again into the world of truly crappy music, so you don't have to.  You're welcome.  

Today's tune is the awful auto-tune wasteland that is "Whatcha Say" by Jason Derulo.  Despite the fact that Mr. Derulo violates Jeremy's Big Rule #1 in the first 13 seconds of the song, I had to look up the artist because I've never heard of this guy.  

For those unawares, "Jeremy's Big Rule #1" states that "If the lyrics of your song include the name of your group, you've written a bad song."  Mr. Derulo here just randomly states his name during the introduction of the song for no apparent reason.   

So this song is about a guy trying to win his girlfriend back after an infidelity.  Common theme, really.  As we muddle through the lyrics, we find that the artist is spitting rhymes with at best a 17% accuracy.  We're introduced to word pairings with tenuous connections at best...such as "myself" and "noone else," "clever" with "forever," "star" and "large."  About the only one he managed to get right is the pairing "go" and "know."  Well done!  

The most common rhyme, as it's found in what appears to be the chorus in this swirling miasma of lousy, is the following line: "when the roof caved in and the truth came out," where we're either supposed to believe that "roof" and "truth" rhyme, or else you pronounce it "troof," at which point, I'm done listening to your music.  All that said, apparently, Mr. Derulo is going to be a star, which is the main reason that the girl is supposed to get back together with him.  After all, they're going to live large...because large rhymes with star. 

So, my overriding message to whoever the mystery girl is in this song...run screaming in the other direction.