This Chick Is Toast

I’m more amused than I should be about making a “Ghostbusters” reference to someone who probably didn’t get it

You have dogs and cats living together?

  

Nope.  As sad as it is, we live in an era where there are a lot of new movies coming out and not enough people are aware of the classics, nor are able to devote enough time to viewing them.  This is a problem, because fine cinematic masterpieces that are endlessly quotable are recognized less and less, and the countless pop-culture references you can make to the movie basically cease being pop-culture.  

Back in the 1940's, I imagine a world where hundreds upon hundreds of people would utter the phrase "Here's lookin' at you, kid."  Now, the phrase not only seems like a mere old-timey phrase, but most people will recognize that it merely came from an old movie, but will have no chance of coming up with "Casablanca."  Bogey is sad.  Bogey is even more sad because not enough people know who "Bogey" was, even in a paragraph about "Casablanca."

I had the experience not long ago where an intern where I work had never seen the movie "Ghostbusters."  This is little short of a criminal offense to society, punishable by a screening marathon of the Twilight series, followed by a good 12 hours of Nicolas Cage films.  I firmly believe I had a similar experience at a restaurant not long ago.

I was out with some friends after an evening of volleyball, towards the end of a late meal/snack.  The waitress, who I'm assuming was a student at one of the local colleges comes around and asks me if I would like another beverage.  Not entirely sure how much longer everyone was going to stick around, I glance around the table and ask to nobody in particular, "Do I?"  The response quickly came, "Yes, have some."  Without a second thought, I turned back to the waitress and echoed, "Yes, have some."  Everyone should instantly recognize this as the exchange between Egon, Louis (Vince), and Janine in the Ghostbusters headquarters, after Louis had become possessed by the Keymaster of Gozer.  I'm pretty sure the amusement of the more recent exchange was completely and hopelessly lost on the poor waitress.  

Whose fault is it that college students in this day and age haven't seen Ghostbusters?  I blame society.  So straighten up, people!  Pop culture is in danger, and we can only save it if we cross the streams. 

Scary Times Ahoy

Nobody worry.  My computer is okay 


Oh good...we were all concerned.  Is there a more sarcastic font I can use on the Blag here?


Believe it or not, there was real concern for me this morning when my computer wouldn't start up.  I plugged it in like always, pressed the power button, and it started to boot up...


Losing interest in your story, Jeremy.


 ...but then it just shut down.  The whole process lasted about 3 seconds in between start-up and cold, dark nothingness.  The more frightening part was that it would immediately try to start up again, having a mind of its own, powering up by force of sheer will, only to collapse in on itself once again. 

Fortunately for us all, I'm something of a decent user of computers.  It ended up being one of those situations where I unplugged the laptop, pulled the battery out, held the power button for a while to kill any remains of power the thing once had, then reassemble and try again.  As you've probably guessed by now, I fixed it, and the day was saved.  You may thank me at your convenience. 

It's A Really Long Time

If it kills germs on contact, why do I have to rinse for 60 seconds?

 Because that's what the instructions say you need to do.  Don't question antiseptic authority!  


So how do I maintain good dental hygiene without selling out to The Man?  It really seems hypocritical of them to tell me that something works on contact if I have to use it for more than one second.  Maybe they're assuming I'm an idiot who doesn't know how to swish something around my mouth so it contacts all surfaces.  But that's the problem...I'm not an idiot, and I actually have awareness of my surroundings as well as my mouth.  I believe I'm fully capable of determining when antiseptic has come into contact with all of my teeth and gums.  I believe I'm fully capable of determining when to spit the stuff out rather than relying on some arbitrarily defined time that's printed on the bottle.  The alternative is just scary...where they've lied to us and it actually takes antiseptic 60 seconds to kill germs and those of us who don't rigidly adhere to that time have effectively been doing nothing this whole time.  Which is it, antiseptic company?! 

I Occasionally Read "Art Of Trolling"

Today’s Sametime Status is hidden.  Press Alt+F4 to read

 It's a good one, too.  Totally worth it. 

Maybe A SUPER JerK?

Ahmad Bradshaw is a jerk.  He owes me $2.50

 I'm sure he didn't mean anything.  He was only...wait...what did he do anyway?

He scored a touchdown in the Super Bowl.

Wow...yeah.  I can see how you'd be upset about a football player trying his best to win a football game.  You want to call out your garbage collector for actually emptying the can every week?  

More specifically...the way in which he scored the touchdown effectively cost me a prop bet at the Super Bowl party I went to.  Here's how things went downhill:

Instead of doing the usual "Boxes" thing, the organizers of the party I attended put forth a series of proposition bets that we could wager on.  Selections included the number of passing yards for a particular quarterback, the number of commercials that include an animal (I called Bunk on this one repeatedly, as it was announced that Muppets did not count as animals, but the Coca-Cola polar bears did...but I lost this bet by such a wide margin, it stopped being worth it) and the total number of quarterback sacks in the game.  With less than 2 minutes left in the game, the teams were sitting on a collective 4 sacks, which was exactly what I picked in the pool, so stood to win that share of the kitty.  That share being $5, but somebody else also had 4, so I would have had to split it.  With exactly 57 seconds left in the game, Ahmad Bradshaw realizes he can score an easy touchdown, but in the interest of he team, he wisely decides to stop at the 1-yard line to run out the clock.  This was the right thing to do...run out the clock, kick the game-winning field goal with 1 second left and hit the Gatorade showers.  Except for the fact that he forgot how to fall down and ended up falling buttocks over tea kettle into the endzone...accidentally scoring a touchdown, and leaving almost a minute left on the clock for an attempted miraculous comeback by one of like three quarterbacks in the league capable of doing just that.  By selfishly scoring a touchdown, he allowed New England one last kick at the can.  

On that ensuing drive (which we all know by now ended fruitlessly) Tom Brady was sacked by the Giants defense, resulting in a game total 5 sacks, and more importantly, no prop bet win for Jeremy.  The money went to another party guest.  New England never should have gotten the ball again, so there never should have been the opportunity for that last sack.  Ahmad Bradshaw caused that sack by not falling down properly.  The way I see it, he cost me my winnings.  I anxiously await remittance. 

Take That, "The Man"!

I like when things cost $3.59.  I pay with a 20

 Interesting...how often does that happen?

Not very often.  I get the 59 cents portion of it, but sadly, not so much the full $3.59.  

So why is $3.59 so special?

Because it allows me to get full value from my cashier experience.  

Lately, cashiers have it easy.  Most of the time, the customer is doing all the work themselves, what with swiping their own credit card, typing in their own pin number, and picking up their own receipt.  In some places (particularly grocery stores and large, autonomous home improvement stores) they've done away with the cashier entirely, and I have to scan all my own stuff and bag it, then pay and collect my receipt.  Of course, this process goes perfectly about 17% of the time.  The remainder of the times, and I don't feel like doing the math, somebody has to come over and fix the machine before I can continue.  This is annoying.  

So, I like to make sure that cashiers are doing as much as possible while they're working.  Everybody wins.  They don't get bored, and I get to have my fun.

What's so fun about that?

Simple!  If I pay for a $3.59 tab with a 20-dollar bill, I get $16.41 in change.  This is most commonly manifested as one 10-dollar bill, one 5-dollar bill, one 1-dollar bill, one quarter, one dime, one nickel, and one penny.  The cashier will have to go through every compartment of their drawer to give me the minimum amount of change.  It's a minor victory, but a victory nonetheless. 

We're Getting Hosed

How many fixin’s are there?

Probably quite a few.  Why?

Well, I've recently become concerned with (read: happened to notice a sign) making sure I'm getting proper value for my money when presented with a food item that claims to have "All the fixin's."  Before you start emailing me, I believe that is the proper spelling and punctuation, given that "fixin'" is an abbreviated form of "fixing," so therefore the apostrophe should stay.  

I find it very difficult to believe that any one place can indeed provide "all the fixin's" for that partcular item, be it a hot dog, hamburger, pizza, what have you.  The sheer variety of things I can come up with just off the top of my head make it nearly impossible, given the space constraints that come along with providing that service.  I can also think of some extraordinary items that may be considered fixin's that are only included in isolated places...such as pineapple or mango chutney (actually things I've seen).  The instant you don't offer one of those items, your claim of "All the fixin's" goes out the window.  You've lied to me!  Jerk.