Guidelines For Harmonious Living #10: If there are 14 empty treadmills, go ahead and leave at least one between you and me
This is just basic common sense here, Jeremy. The same rules apply in the bathroom. Everyone knows this.
Apparently not. I'm pretty sure I've ranted about this sort of thing before, but I can't be bothered to look it up. Either way, it apparently needs to be said, because some people just don't get it.
Here's the thing, Gym People. It's nothing personal...I just don't like you. One of the main reasons I go to the gym in the morning is that it's significantly less crowded than it is after work. This means I can go upstairs to the little cardio balcony, do my treadmill thing and have done with it. I'm not interested in standing around talking about treadmills or whose diet plan you're following, or where Jimmy is today, or what you plan on doing at the gym that day. Leave me alone. You go do your thing, I'll do mine, and we'll be happy. I'm not interested in finding out if we have things in common other than the fact that we both put up with treadmills at some unseemly hour of the morning. It's not you...it's me. Strictly speaking, it's probably you, but I'm willing to take the fall for it this time.
To this end, if it's at all possible, I like to take a treadmill (or other piece of equipment, but you get the idea) that's at least slightly removed from other Gym People. Since I don't want you standing around while I'm doing my little gerbil run, I'm going to assume you don't want me standing around while you do your little gerbil run. Given the fact that there are no fewer than 17 treadmills on the upper deck, this usually isn't much of an issue. But apparently, other people don't see things my way.
Not long ago, I head upstairs, and ONLY stations 15 and 16 are occupied, so I head all the way down to the other end and hop on the 5th treadmill from the left. I don't want to be on the end, and I still leave people plenty of room on both sides if they wish...and there are currently 14 empty treadmills. Four to my left and NINE consecutive slots to the right. Some other person comes up the stairs, surveys the situation and plops herself directly on door #4. Seriously? Even if you leave a gap of one treadmill around anyone, there are still ten non-obnoxious options you could have chosen, but instead you do this. This is why I don't like you.
Chicken and egg, really. You don't want them there because you don't like them, and you don't like them because they're there.
Whatever my reasons, they're perfectly valid, and the world should adjust to them. Especially in the morning, when I'm cranky.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Monday, September 12, 2011
They're Fun!
Here's a Fun Fact! All 3 major candidates in the 1992 presidential election were left-handed
Ross Perot did like to hold his pointer in his left hand, didn't he?
Indeed he did, during all those flipchart presentations on national TV that he bought the airtime for. It really was mind-numbing. If only politics today were so boring.
Anyway, we all know the three candidates from that particular election. George H.W. Bush, Bill Clinton, and Ross Perot were all left-handed. This is especially amusing when you consider that despite the fact that 90% of the world is right-handed, all of the presidents of the US since Jimmy Carter have been southpaws. Granted, there is a little bit of debate about Reagan, but Both Presidents Bush are left-handed, as are Clinton and Obama. To make things even crazier, Obama beat out John McCain in the 2008 election. McCain? You guessed it! Another lefty.
I'm starting to feel left out now...
Ross Perot did like to hold his pointer in his left hand, didn't he?
Indeed he did, during all those flipchart presentations on national TV that he bought the airtime for. It really was mind-numbing. If only politics today were so boring.
Anyway, we all know the three candidates from that particular election. George H.W. Bush, Bill Clinton, and Ross Perot were all left-handed. This is especially amusing when you consider that despite the fact that 90% of the world is right-handed, all of the presidents of the US since Jimmy Carter have been southpaws. Granted, there is a little bit of debate about Reagan, but Both Presidents Bush are left-handed, as are Clinton and Obama. To make things even crazier, Obama beat out John McCain in the 2008 election. McCain? You guessed it! Another lefty.
I'm starting to feel left out now...
Friday, September 9, 2011
Jump On The Trolley
Nobody knows why fists are known as "Dukes." This disappoints me.
There are three completely different explanations out there, none of which is especially plausible. One is about Dukes being rhyming British slang, where "Duke of York" refers to forks, which is a slang for fingers (pretty weaksauce connection). Another says that "Dookin" is Romany for fortune telling using the palm of the hand, but has nothing to do with fists, and the third is about Marquis of Queensbury who developed a set of rules for boxing...which would be the best explanation if the 9th Marquis of Queensbury (for whom the rules are named) was actually a Duke. He was not.
Regardless of the lack of proper explanation, the phrase "put up your dukes" is roughly never used anymore. While that is a darn shame, when it does pop up in modern culture, it serves to amuse as well as to harken back to a different era.
This happens in music most notably (and probably only) when the Pat Benatar song "Hit Me With Your Best Shot" comes on the radio, as it did not long ago when I started thinking about the etymology of the phrase "put up your dukes." There are only 2 other known songs that use the phrase, based on a Google search I looked at the first page of just now.
I'm amused when things like this happen, but I also stop to think about things that I create as well. When songwriters use modern slang in their lyrics, they are catering to the modern audience of the day, but they're also limiting the lifetime of their work. That song will only be fashionable as long as that particular piece of slang is popular. Once the lingo changes, your song instantly becomes outdated and passe. Pat Benatar did this to herself, as did Grand Funk Railroad, whose song "American Band" is the last known song to include the phrase "Party Down" before people realized what a stupid phrase that is and never used it again. Heck, even The Great W.A. Mozart managed to do this in his works. (I'm not making that piece up, by the way)
Many of you know that I'm a writer of sorts. Most of my personal writing (we'll leave alone the technical writing I do for work) is in jaunty Blag form, as witnessed here. That said, some of you are aware that I have written a short story and various pieces of a sitcom which will likely never see the light of day, but that's beside the point. I hear things like "put up your dukes" and wonder how much of that type of thing I've already incorporated into my writing. What words or phrases did I use in my short story that will be archaic in the nearish future that will brand my work as a relic from the 2010s? How can I avoid that in the future, or do I just tell the future to Eat My Shorts?
There are three completely different explanations out there, none of which is especially plausible. One is about Dukes being rhyming British slang, where "Duke of York" refers to forks, which is a slang for fingers (pretty weaksauce connection). Another says that "Dookin" is Romany for fortune telling using the palm of the hand, but has nothing to do with fists, and the third is about Marquis of Queensbury who developed a set of rules for boxing...which would be the best explanation if the 9th Marquis of Queensbury (for whom the rules are named) was actually a Duke. He was not.
Regardless of the lack of proper explanation, the phrase "put up your dukes" is roughly never used anymore. While that is a darn shame, when it does pop up in modern culture, it serves to amuse as well as to harken back to a different era.
This happens in music most notably (and probably only) when the Pat Benatar song "Hit Me With Your Best Shot" comes on the radio, as it did not long ago when I started thinking about the etymology of the phrase "put up your dukes." There are only 2 other known songs that use the phrase, based on a Google search I looked at the first page of just now.
I'm amused when things like this happen, but I also stop to think about things that I create as well. When songwriters use modern slang in their lyrics, they are catering to the modern audience of the day, but they're also limiting the lifetime of their work. That song will only be fashionable as long as that particular piece of slang is popular. Once the lingo changes, your song instantly becomes outdated and passe. Pat Benatar did this to herself, as did Grand Funk Railroad, whose song "American Band" is the last known song to include the phrase "Party Down" before people realized what a stupid phrase that is and never used it again. Heck, even The Great W.A. Mozart managed to do this in his works. (I'm not making that piece up, by the way)
Many of you know that I'm a writer of sorts. Most of my personal writing (we'll leave alone the technical writing I do for work) is in jaunty Blag form, as witnessed here. That said, some of you are aware that I have written a short story and various pieces of a sitcom which will likely never see the light of day, but that's beside the point. I hear things like "put up your dukes" and wonder how much of that type of thing I've already incorporated into my writing. What words or phrases did I use in my short story that will be archaic in the nearish future that will brand my work as a relic from the 2010s? How can I avoid that in the future, or do I just tell the future to Eat My Shorts?
Thursday, September 8, 2011
It's somehow related to a cubit
Right. What’s an ark?
It's a big gold box that makes Nazis melt, right?
Different ark. Today's Sametime Status refers to the famous Bill Cosby routine regarding Noah's Ark.
Oh, so this is another weather-related Status? I thought you said you were done with those.
I did say I was taking a break from them, but that was going with the assumption that Mother Nature would be taking a break from being a pain in the buns. It's been raining basically for the last 4 straight days, causing more widespread flooding (fortunately, not in my house) and even myriad school closures around the area. It's really quite exciting...no wait...that's not the right word...annoying.
It's a big gold box that makes Nazis melt, right?
Different ark. Today's Sametime Status refers to the famous Bill Cosby routine regarding Noah's Ark.
Oh, so this is another weather-related Status? I thought you said you were done with those.
I did say I was taking a break from them, but that was going with the assumption that Mother Nature would be taking a break from being a pain in the buns. It's been raining basically for the last 4 straight days, causing more widespread flooding (fortunately, not in my house) and even myriad school closures around the area. It's really quite exciting...no wait...that's not the right word...annoying.
Wednesday, September 7, 2011
And my user name is "Admin"
It's Password Day! My email password is no longer "password"
But that's still the password to your bank account, right?
Oh absolutely. That one doesn't have to be changed as often as the one for my email. That's just annoying.
Jeremy would like to point out here that like all of the "Password Day" Sametime Statuses, neither this nor any of the displayed passwords have ever been used as his email password.
Very true. I would like to use "Correct Horse Battery Staple" as my password, but that wouldn't be allowed with our current system. Also, that might be easily decoded by any other xkcd fan.
On a more serious note, you might actually be surprised to know just how many people's routers you can hack into using "admin" and "password" as the login credentials. It's a little scary.
But that's still the password to your bank account, right?
Oh absolutely. That one doesn't have to be changed as often as the one for my email. That's just annoying.
Jeremy would like to point out here that like all of the "Password Day" Sametime Statuses, neither this nor any of the displayed passwords have ever been used as his email password.
Very true. I would like to use "Correct Horse Battery Staple" as my password, but that wouldn't be allowed with our current system. Also, that might be easily decoded by any other xkcd fan.
On a more serious note, you might actually be surprised to know just how many people's routers you can hack into using "admin" and "password" as the login credentials. It's a little scary.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
If I put out deer food, the Squirrels will eat it
Silly deer, bird seed is for birds!
What a coincidence. This Sametime Status is for the birds, too.
Why so grumpy today?
Well, it's one of those mondays cleverly disguised as a Tuesday, and there was a long weekend, and I didn't feel like going back to work.
You're entirely fictional. You don't have a job, or a regular sleep pattern.
Entirely beside the point.
Anyway, so one of the many projects I completed this Laborious weekend was solving the mystery of the bird feeder.
Surely one of the great mysteries of our time. Right up there with 'Where is Jimmy Hoffa?' and 'Who shot J.R.?'
So, I have a bird feeder, since birds entertain me. Recently, I started to notice the seed being consumed at a faster than usual pace. Since there is usually a pretty steady stream of customers at the feeder, I just thought that I maybe got a few more birds interested or they were getting hungrier or something. Turns out, that's not the case at all. Recently, in the middle of the night, I awoke to some noises in my back yard that sounded like the local wildlife. I'm no stranger to turkeys, deer, foxes, neighborhood cats, and the occasional raccoon, so I wasn't overly concerned. I decided to check it out, so I looked out the window to see two of the local deer standing around eating the bird seed out of the feeder.
Stupid deer. Bird seed is for birds...don't they realize that? Now, I need to come up with some way of still feeding the birds without also feeding the deer.
What a coincidence. This Sametime Status is for the birds, too.
Why so grumpy today?
Well, it's one of those mondays cleverly disguised as a Tuesday, and there was a long weekend, and I didn't feel like going back to work.
You're entirely fictional. You don't have a job, or a regular sleep pattern.
Entirely beside the point.
Anyway, so one of the many projects I completed this Laborious weekend was solving the mystery of the bird feeder.
Surely one of the great mysteries of our time. Right up there with 'Where is Jimmy Hoffa?' and 'Who shot J.R.?'
So, I have a bird feeder, since birds entertain me. Recently, I started to notice the seed being consumed at a faster than usual pace. Since there is usually a pretty steady stream of customers at the feeder, I just thought that I maybe got a few more birds interested or they were getting hungrier or something. Turns out, that's not the case at all. Recently, in the middle of the night, I awoke to some noises in my back yard that sounded like the local wildlife. I'm no stranger to turkeys, deer, foxes, neighborhood cats, and the occasional raccoon, so I wasn't overly concerned. I decided to check it out, so I looked out the window to see two of the local deer standing around eating the bird seed out of the feeder.
Stupid deer. Bird seed is for birds...don't they realize that? Now, I need to come up with some way of still feeding the birds without also feeding the deer.
Thursday, September 1, 2011
I'm Out There With Scissors Now
The part of my lawnmower that broke is actually pretty impressive
Awe geeze, Jeremy. Why you gotta go breaking stuff all the time?
I didn't do it...I think.
Alright...so what happened this time?
Well, not long ago, I decided it was time to mow the lawn again. Stupid lawn keeps growing. Anyway, just as I get going, I see a piece of metal shoot out from under the deck and spin to the ground smoking. Fortunately for me, it came out the front, since it was a pretty substantial piece and would have pretty easily embedded itself in my leg had it come out the back. Anyway, I shut off the mower, thinking that this might be a somewhat important piece. A cursory glance under the deck revealed nothing, but since I'm an engineer, I needed to find out the problem.
I ended up removing the blade of the mower and found that the metal piece that connects the blade to the motor's drive shaft had broken completely in half. Mind you, this is not some little flimsy little component. This thing is at least 1/4" of solid aluminum (aluminium for the British among our readership) as evidenced by THIS PICTURE HERE. Without this piece, which is customarily called a doohickey, but I guess the technical term is "Blade Adapter," the blade is simply on a bolt at the end of the shaft and will only spin if it darn well feels like it. Since a spinning blade is one of the hallmarks of a properly-working lawnmower, my mower is currently out of commission.
As it turns out, despite being a pretty beefy component, it's not entirely out of the ordinary to break this piece. Most people junk theirs by hitting a rock or a tree stump or something that causes the blade to come to a near-instant halt. Therein lies my problem...I didn't do that. I had just started the mower maybe 15 seconds before the piece of this thing came out, and haven't hit anything other than grass (more specifically, weeds, but that's entirely beside the point) with the blade in quite some time. So when it comes to figuring out why this happened, I'm at a total loss.
At least I'm not at a total loss when it comes to repairing my mower (We can go ahead and preemptively add "Lawnmower Repair" to my list of Skillz) since I can easily order this piece from the company's website. Ostensibly, they're sold at the local "High's Home Improvement Store" also, but the jury is out if they carry the correct size. Either way, by the time I need to mow the lawn again, I should be back in mowing form...until the next thing breaks.
Awe geeze, Jeremy. Why you gotta go breaking stuff all the time?
I didn't do it...I think.
Alright...so what happened this time?
Well, not long ago, I decided it was time to mow the lawn again. Stupid lawn keeps growing. Anyway, just as I get going, I see a piece of metal shoot out from under the deck and spin to the ground smoking. Fortunately for me, it came out the front, since it was a pretty substantial piece and would have pretty easily embedded itself in my leg had it come out the back. Anyway, I shut off the mower, thinking that this might be a somewhat important piece. A cursory glance under the deck revealed nothing, but since I'm an engineer, I needed to find out the problem.
I ended up removing the blade of the mower and found that the metal piece that connects the blade to the motor's drive shaft had broken completely in half. Mind you, this is not some little flimsy little component. This thing is at least 1/4" of solid aluminum (aluminium for the British among our readership) as evidenced by THIS PICTURE HERE. Without this piece, which is customarily called a doohickey, but I guess the technical term is "Blade Adapter," the blade is simply on a bolt at the end of the shaft and will only spin if it darn well feels like it. Since a spinning blade is one of the hallmarks of a properly-working lawnmower, my mower is currently out of commission.
As it turns out, despite being a pretty beefy component, it's not entirely out of the ordinary to break this piece. Most people junk theirs by hitting a rock or a tree stump or something that causes the blade to come to a near-instant halt. Therein lies my problem...I didn't do that. I had just started the mower maybe 15 seconds before the piece of this thing came out, and haven't hit anything other than grass (more specifically, weeds, but that's entirely beside the point) with the blade in quite some time. So when it comes to figuring out why this happened, I'm at a total loss.
At least I'm not at a total loss when it comes to repairing my mower (We can go ahead and preemptively add "Lawnmower Repair" to my list of Skillz) since I can easily order this piece from the company's website. Ostensibly, they're sold at the local "High's Home Improvement Store" also, but the jury is out if they carry the correct size. Either way, by the time I need to mow the lawn again, I should be back in mowing form...until the next thing breaks.
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