Tuesday, March 31, 2015

I Am A Good Engineer, Actually



Well, I didn’t get that Comedy Central gig.  Guess I’ll stick to engineering  


It's probably for the best.  We can all just assume that you're better at being an engineer than at writing comedy.  I mean, seriously...this stuff is usually crap.  


Just because my humor is beyond your level doesn't necessarily make it crap.  


That's just sort of a bonus, then?


So anyway, Comedy Central announced yesterday who would be taking over as host of The Daily Show.  It's this guy Trevor Noah.  I know nothing about him because I don't usually watch The Daily Show unless somebody posts a link to one of their videos on Facebook.  To be fair, this happens roughly every day, but it's only a clip, not the whole episode.  As such, I don't get to see much of the individual correspondents, just Jon Stewart.  That guy's funny.  

Well, he's leaving the show, and Comedy Central showed up at my door asking if I'd be interested in the hosting gig. 


Nothing of the sort happened.  


Okay fine...they emailed.  


Also no. 


FINE!  Nobody even returned any of my 17 phone calls asking if they saw my audition tape.  I mean...I'm assuming they still have VHS down there.  They just went on ahead and gave the show away to this other guy without even auditioning me.  I would have been amazing.   

Friday, March 27, 2015

Theme Week, Part Sun



Jeremy’s Sametime Status Proudly Presents:   
Music Fact Check Week!   
The sun does not have enough mass to go Supernova and become a black hole


We wrap up Music Fact Check Week with a little trip through a Garden of Sound.  And science!  Don't forget science! 


We never forget science here at Jeremy Is In The Office, do we?  Let's look into the creation of black holes.

Stars are amazing things.  They spend their lives generating unfathomably powerful nuclear reactions, converting hydrogen into helium at temperatures somewhere in the 4-10 million degree mark.  Officially, I'm presenting that temperature in terms of Kelvin degrees, but once you get that high, it doesn't much matter what units you use.  It's really really hot.  That said, certain types of Blue Giant stars can reach temperatures of up to 50 million degrees, so it's a complete ballpark anyway.  For reference, our sun is in the main sequence of yellow stars, hovering just a little south of 6 million degrees.  

Once all of the hydrogen in a star is used up, (a process which takes a couple billion years) various things happen.  The outward pressure of constant nuclear explosions is no longer greater than the force of gravity keeping the star together, so the core of the star begins to collapse in on itself.  In most cases, these forces equillibrate over time, and the star ends its life as a white dwarf, slowly cooling adrift in space.  

In the case of especially large stars, the force of the star's core collapse causes the outer layers to be violently expelled into surrounding space in a phenomenon called a Supernova (there is no champagne involved).  Supernovae are unbelievably powerful.  One of my favorite physics facts to come from the whimsical webcomic xkcd shows that a supernova viewed at 1 AU (The distance from the earth to the sun) would appear over a billion times brighter than an exploding hydrogen bomb pressed directly against your eye.  ( Citation Needed )  If the star core remaining after all this supernova activity is sufficiently massive (we're talking multiple times more massive than the sun is now), then no force within the core can resist the force of gravity, and the entire core collapses into an infinitesimally small point of effectively infinite density.  The gravitational escape velocity of this singularity is greater than the speed of light, meaning anything caught within its gravity well has no chance of escape...even light.  This is what is referred to as a "Black Hole." 

In order to pull this all off, a star has to be remarkably larger than our sun in order to explode into a supernova and have its core collapse into a black hole.  Fortunately or otherwise, our sun will never do this, so Soundgarden's claim of a Black Hole Sun will never come true.  Also fortunately, we won't have to find this out for certain for another 7 billion years or so. 

Thursday, March 26, 2015

Theme Week, Part Coat Rack


Jeremy’s Sametime Status Proudly Presents:   
Music Fact Check Week!   
LMFAO wishes they had Precognition in order to see something coming, not Telekinesis   


Do you believe in UFOs, astral projections, mental telepathy, ESP, clairvoyance, spirit photography, telekinetic movement, full trance mediums, the Loch Ness monster and the theory of Atlantis? 


Today's topic is Extrasensory Perception, or ESP.  ESP covers a range of para-psychological abilities that people claim to have, though no scientific evidence of anyone actually demonstrating them.  All studies showing ESP ability have been shown to have flaws in the experimental design and have been debunked.  

That said, these types of abilities are far-ranging and some are remarkably interesting.  I studied them intently for an entire part of a semester when I was in college because I had to take a liberal arts course, and ended up in a Psychology class that was available at a convenient time.  Janine Melnitz captured a good many of these types of phenomena in Ghostbusters, though UFOs, Nessie, and Atlantis have precious little to do with perception.  

She does mention Astral Projection (Out-Of-Body Experiences), Telepathy (Communicating with others outside of normal sensory channels like hearing or sight), Clairvoyance (The ability to see hidden objects, again, outside of the normal sensory channels), among others.  The important one we'r dealing with today is Telekinesis.  

Also known as psychokinesis, it is the ability to physically influence objects without actual physical contact.  For example, using your mind to Move A Coat Rack From Across An Office.  The term Telekinesis was first coined by a Russian scientist in 1890.  

"Love Lockdown" is a "song" "by" "rapper" Kanye West, released in 2008.  Some time later, party rock enthusiasts LMFAO (An acronym for "Loving My Friends And Others") released a house/techno remix of the song which featured a couple new verses.  Why?  I don't know...it's what musicians do these days.  One of the lyrical lines from the newer version of the song is as follows:  "But you done broke my heart, into a million pieces.  I should've seen it coming, wish i had telekinesis" implying that if he could have looked into the future, he would have been able to foresee his heartbreak and perhaps prevented it.  

Unfortunately, moving a coat rack from across an office doesn't give you that ability.  

The branch of ESP that deals with seeing into the future is something entirely different, known as Precognition.  Redfoo and Sky Blu should probably leave psychoanalysis to professionals and stick with shuffling.  Apparently, they do that every day.