It's Long Been a Dream of Mine...

www.icerocks.com - I am not making this up.


So, what? It's rocks or something?


I felt obligated to let you all know about an exciting new product from the “Water Bank Of America” Company called ICEROCKS®!

According to the website, ICEROCKS® uses a patented technology, providing a container of refreshing ice cubes that are pure and hygienic..... ICEROCKS® is sold in its unfrozen state (liquid), making it a product offering substantial savings in terms of delivery costs, in that it does not require trucks to be refrigerated for transportation.

What is going on here is that they’re selling you ice in its “unfrozen state,” in a disposable ice cube tray so you just have to add cold and serve. Being the nice guy that I am, I’ve put together a potential storyboard for their infomercial. Enjoy.

---

Voiceover:

Are you tired of going to the store and buying old fashioned ice cube trays?



Frustrated with having to fill up ALL THOSE individual cubes with ordinary water, before putting them in the freezer and waiting...and waiting...and waiting? Who has the time?



And, when your guests arrive, and you need those ice cubes...this happens. OH NO!!! How embarrassing!



Now, there’s ICEROCKS®! The ice you need, without the hassle you don’t.



Simply insert the package into your freezer, and in no time at all, you have pure, frozen ice, ready to serve. Enough for ALL of your drinks! AMAZING!



Ordinary ice cube trays get dirty...



...or covered in unhealthy bacteria...



...but ICEROCKS® are hermetically sealed, so there’s nothing inside but the purest, freshest, healthiest ice cubes you’ve ever tasted.




Cut to testimonial



"Back when I was growing up, all I had were ice cubes out of the top shelf of the freezer. They weren’t hermetically sealed, and what’s worse, they were made out of dirty, disgusting tap water! From the ground! I think about how it was back then and I wonder how I ever survived without pure ice. But now, with ICEROCKS®, I don’t have to worry about what my kids are drinking."

Voiceover:

Yes, ICEROCKS®...pure, delicious ice. Prepackaged so there’s no mess, no stress, nothing but fresh ice enjoyment for you and your family.



How much would you expect to pay for the peace of mind that only pure ice can give you?



$49.95?



$29.95? NO WAY! You’d probably be happy paying 19.95 for your ICEROCKS®, but call us today, and we’ll send you not 1, not 2, but 48 ICEROCKS® for the low, low price of only $5.89! That’s right, you get 48 crisp, delicious ICEROCKS® for the unbelievably low price of only $5.89 (plus shipping and handling)!! To order your ICEROCKS®, dial 561-392-3336 right now. BUT WAIT!! There’s more!



Call in the next 10 minutes, and we’ll give you a 10% Discount on 10 or more cases. That’s over $5 in savings, just for ordering! AMAZING! Be sure to ask about joining our “Penguin Club,” which entitles you to additional savings with every order! Call, and enjoy the purest, cleanest ice you’ve ever tasted TODAY!

Thursday is the best day of the week

“Five citations and you're looking at a violation. Four of those and you'll receive a verbal warning. Keep it up, and you're looking at a written warning. Two of those, that'll land you in a world of hurt--in the form of a disciplinary review written up by me and placed on the desk of my immediate superior.” Dwight Schrute; Dunder Mifflin


Who's he?


For those of you unawares, Dwight Schrute is a character on the NBC sitcom "The Office." Since I have become irretrievably addicted to the show, you will see a quote from an Office character every Thursday that there is a new episode. Tonight is the Season 4 premier, on NBC at 9PM, so you get a quote. This particular quote is Dwight explaining his new disciplinary system to Jim Halpert after giving Jim a citation for tardiness. The irony is in the fact that Jim happens to be Dwight's immediate superior, so after assumedly at least 80 citations (it's unclear how many verbal warnings constitute a written warning), Dwight's disciplinary review of Jim would be placed on Jim's desk.




Okay, so why should I watch?


Because tonight, we finally find out what happened with Jim and Pam after he dumped Karen in New York City...we get to see how Michael takes to having Ryan as his new boss, Jan moves in with Michael, and Dwight and Andy will continue their battle to become #3. The real question is "why wouldn't you watch?"

It's Mime Time

Marcel Marceau died on Saturday. Now I kinda feel bad about my anti-mime Status Message last week.


So...did that have anything to do with you?


I really don't think so, but it's certainly not the first time Jeremy's Sametime Status has been associated with major cultural change. A while back, we ran a Theme Week called "Deadly Facts About Bird Flu Week," and the following Tuesday, the FDA approved the US's first vaccine against the H5N1 virus, and we all celebrated with guarded optimism.

More importantly, we here at Jeremy's Sametime Status mourn the loss of the world's greatest mime, and are FAR too high-class to run a "Moment of Silence" joke here.

I have no explanation

Somebody may now explain to me why my MP3 collection includes “Another Night” by Real McCoy


That's a pretty bad one, isn't it?


Those of you new to Jeremy's Sametime Status may not recognize this as the next in a frighteningly long series of messages regarding pure trash found in my MP3 collection.

Unlike many people who have massive dumps of MP3's from various sources, I have personally downloaded (perfectly legally, of course) or ripped or had sent from friends and family, every last MP3 on my computer. This means there actually is an explanation for this song being in there...but I'll be damned if I can think of what that is right now.

I want to be Bowler!

"Come on, Porkpie. It's time to walk the sponge."

Uhmmmm.....

It's another head scratcher from the mind of Pinky. An episode of Pinky and the Brain had our two heros in a strange land where people were identified by the type of hat they wore. Brain was "Porkpie" and Pinky was "Fez." One of Pinky's hobbies was walking his pet sponge...not one of the natural roundish remotely mobile ones you find in the sea, but a square kitchen sponge which was on a leash.


So really....what's up with these Letters to the Editor?


In this particular case, the state of Pennsylvania had to shut down their main computer network for one day to do upgrades and whatnot. This had the side-effect of the state not being able to process gun registration applications...so for one day, nobody in the state could purchase a gun. This was approximately 3 weeks ago and has been newsworthy ever since...as indicated in the following letter to the Erie Times-News


Letter removed at the request of the publisher

Rare Weekend Post

I generally won't be posting on weekends, so don't get used to it...but I couldn't deprive you of this absolute gem from The Erie Times-News


Letter removed at the request of the publisher

I guess he's really "Under Pressure"

V-Ice is coming to my hometown! Tickets are only $5!! Who's up for a road trip?


Are you serious?


Yes, I am. Robert van Winkle himself, the artist formerly known as Vanilla Ice is making an appearance in Erie, PA at the "Cell Block."

Ticket Info Is Here, almost as if you need it.


So, it's been a good week for Letters to the Editor too, huh?


Yes, it has...here's another beauty from The Erie Times-News


Letter removed at the request of the publisher

Jack Will Break You Like Dishes

"No use crying over spilt milk. Unless it was Jack Bauer's milk. Then you’re screwed."

Who's Jack Bauer?

Jack is the central character on the TV show "24". He's a government agent or spy or something whose job it is to go around and beat up bad people in real time. I guess he's a modern-day "Walker, Texas Ranger"....another show I've never watched.

That's it?

Nope...you get a Special Blag Bonus Today!



Top Stories from the Erie Times-News




Half-ton of aluminum chips stolen from Union City business

Published: September 20. 2007 8:16AM

UNION CITY (AP) -- State police say the rising cost of metal is likely behind the theft of a half-ton of aluminum chips from a Union City business.

Police say someone took the scrap metal chips from a bin outside the Qualsystems machine shop sometime between Monday at 11 p.m. and Wednesday at 5 a.m.

The stolen metal is worth about $1,500.

Yeah buuuuuddy

Put your hands in the air like you won a big prize. Bop yourself on the head and cross your eyes...yeah Schmëerskåhøvên!

Uhmmm...okay...

Today's Status comes to you courtesy of Pinky and the Brain. In one episode, an evil mastermind developed a complex series of movements that would render somebody stupid, enabling the mastermind to take over the world. These movements were turned into a dance by Swedish Supergroup BAAB in a song strangely reminiscent of the Macarena called Schmëerskåhøvên. I'm assuming the word actually means nothing and was developed simply to have as many special characters as possible, but I can't be bothered to look it up. By the climax of the episode, the only way to tell if somebody had been dumbed down by the dance was if they enoyed the comedy stylings of Pauly Shore. This is likely the last reference to Pauly Shore in this blag.

I was also fairly curious how well the word Schmëerskåhøvên would translate into Sametime...turns out, quite well.

SPECIAL BLAG BONUS!!! Letter To The Editor!

From The Erie Times-News

Letter removed at the request of the publisher

People falling is funny

If a mime falls on his face in the forest, and nobody’s around to see, is it still funny?

Answer:

Yes.

Discuss.

Jeremy's Song (Working Title)

"When ESPN makes a made-for-tv movie about my life, times, and volleyball career, I think they should go ahead and leave last weekend out."

So, Jeremy....how much did this weekend suck?

Well, the Saturday portion of the tournament was rained out, so I never got to do my "Yee-Haw, Jester's dead!" bit. Then, I apparently completely forgot how to play volleyball on Sunday in the cold and wind before rolling my ankle during the last match of the day. As much as it seemed a fitting end to the tournament, I don't think it's an especially good way to end my outdoor season. Oh well...I'll be like the Devil Rays. "Wait til next year!!!"

Spoiler Alert: Goose is dead, too

I can’t wait until I get to yell “YEE-HAW...Jester’s Dead!” tomorrow. It’s going to be great!

There MUST be a reason for this:

It's really quite simple. The last volleyball tournament of the summer is this weekend. Two people signed themselves up as "Jester" and "Iceman." My partner and I plan on beating them.

The quote itself, of course, is from Top Gun, used in a whimsical dogfighting scene between Maverick and Jester.

Sesame Street would be weird in Binary...

"I’ve found it’s actually NOT a good idea to use your fingers to count in binary. People tend to punch you when you get to 4. Weird."

Explanation:

Okay, so this is the second consecutive nerdy entry. For those of you who can't count in binary, alow me to use this visual aide in counting to 4. "!" will indicate a raised finger, while "." will indicate a lowered finger. I think you'll get the idea.

1: !...
2: .!..
3: !!...
4: ..!..
5: !.!..
6: .!!..
7: !!!..
8: ...!.
9: !..!.
10: .!.!.

Yesterday's Explanation:

I'm actually kinda glad only 2 people figured out yesterday's message. It takes a special blend of nerdinesses to put the two pieces together.

The first thing to know is how to read and/or speak in Lolcat, a viral internet meme that has lasted far beyond its useful purpose. Some of them are fairly amusing though.

Second is the gedanken experiment known as Schrodinger's Cat" in which a cat in a closed box is both alive and not alive at the same time, and the only way to know or sure is to open the box.

Yesterday's message is a whimsical combination of both...creating Schrodinger's Lolcat.

Quantum Leap

I IZ N UR QUANTUM BOX. MAYBE.

Explanation:

If you're here looking for an explanation for this, you'll have to come back tomorrow. This is one of my "Let's see how many people get this" messages. I'm cruel like that.

The Liberty Valance Effect

"When the legend becomes fact, print the legend."

Background:

This is a quote from the 1962 John Ford picture, "The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance" recently popularized by Robert Wuhl in the HBO Special "Assume the Position." It basically explains how certain stories came to be commonly accepted in popular culture, despite their, sometimes amazingly, loose connections with the truth.

Examples include "Columbus discovering the world was round" in 1492, the same year the Globe was invented, some 2000 years after scientists first theorized that the world was round. Also, at the beginning of the Revolutionary War, a young man from Boston rode a horse through Massachusetts and down to Philadelphia to warn people that the British were coming. His name? Israel Bissell. Paul Revere gets credit because of the poem written 40 years after his death.

Optimism, Pessimism, and being a Jerk

“Some people would say this glass is half full...some half empty. I say as long as you don’t let anyone else get their filthy hands on it, you’ll probably have enough for yourself.” –Bucky Katt


Jeremy's Stream of Consciousness:
A couple weeks ago on "Get Fuzzy," Bucky decided to speak only in quotable phrases. I quoted him. Evidentally, it was effective.

Jeremy Is In The Office

I'd like to welcome all of you to Jeremy's Sametime Status.

First of all, yes, this is a direct ripoff of Jeremy's Status Message , but I'm okay with that. He explained to me that he gets money from his banner ads, and that was the most convincing arguement I heard to creating a blag.

First, some ground rules:

• The Status Message changes daily, but this blag will update when I darn well choose
• No, I'm not misspelling Blag
• All Sametime Statuses arecreated exclusively by me, unless otherwise notes. You are free to reprint them, as long as you add a dash, and the name of this blag. Example: "'If your fan is fast enough, whatever hits it will be evenly distributed.' - Jeremy's Sametime Status"
• Be on the lookout for "Theme Weeks"
• I may give prizes on occasion.

That's all for now. The rest, we'll figure out as we go along. Happy reading!

-Jeremy!